Psst...Hey, Martok!

Started by BanzaiCat, January 04, 2014, 04:41:04 PM

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Mr. Bigglesworth

#585
November 30, 2015, 11:06:44 PM
Quote from: Martok on November 30, 2015, 10:03:27 PM
Quote from: LongBlade on November 26, 2015, 06:06:20 PM
A cautionary tale for our friend.

QuoteA man's noisy attempts to kill a spider caused his neighbors to call the police, reporting a suspected violent domestic incident.

Officers in Sydney went to the address after numerous calls were made claiming a woman could be heard screaming hysterically and a man yelling "I'm going to kill you, you're dead. Die! Die!"

QuoteBelow is their transcript of the conversation that followed:

Police: We had a report of a domestic and a women screaming, where is she?

Male: I don't know what you're talking about, I live alone.

Police: Come on mate, people clearly heard you yelling you were going to kill her and furniture getting thrown around the unit.

Police: Come on mate, what have you done to her?

Male: It was a spider.

Police: Sorry??

Male: It was a spider, a really big one!!

Police: What about the woman screaming?

Male: Yeah sorry that was me, I really, really hate spiders.

What neighbours thought was a serious incidence of domestic violence was in fact the man chasing the arachnid around his home with a can of spider spray.

The police report concluded: "After a very long pause, some laughter and a quick look in the unit to make sure there was no injured party (apart from the spider) we left."

source: http://www.foxnews.com/world/2015/11/26/man-attempt-to-kill-spider-confused-with-domestic-violence-sparks-police-call/?intcmp=hplnws
Pansy.  A guy with even a shred of dignity and/or masculinity does not kill a spider using "bug spray" (professional exterminators like MetalDog don't count).  Sheesh.  ::)

Yeah, but he is in Aus, where some spiders chase you, jump on your face, then kill you, without antidote.
"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more; "
- Shakespeare's Henry V, Act III, 1598

MetalDog

#586
December 01, 2015, 12:26:49 AM
Yeah.  They breed some stone cold arachnids Down Under.
And the One Song to Rule Them All is Gimme Shelter - Rolling Stones


"If its a Balrog, I don't think you get an option to not consent......." - bob

besilarius

#587
December 19, 2015, 01:01:25 PM
Elf on a Shelf meets their match.
"Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out until too late that he's been playing with two queens all along".  Terry Pratchett.

During filming of Airplane, Leslie Nielsen used a whoopee cushion to keep the cast off-balance. Hays said that Nielsen "played that thing like a maestro"

Tallulah Bankhead: "I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me."

"When all other trusts fail, turn to Flashman." — Abraham Lincoln.

"I have enjoyed very warm relations with my two husbands."
"With your eyes closed?"
"That helped."  Lauren Bacall

Master Chiefs are sneaky, dastardly, and snarky miscreants who thrive on the tears of Ensigns and belly dancers.   Admiral Gerry Bogan.

Martok

#588
December 19, 2015, 04:32:58 PM
I'm torn between shuddering and laughing my fool head off. 

"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces

Arctic Blast

#589
December 20, 2015, 06:21:55 PM
I'm trying to decide whether an enormous spider or those goddamn Elf on a Shelf things is creepier...

Martok

#590
December 22, 2015, 07:36:26 AM
I am thankful to have never been visited by Spider Claus. 




"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces

JasonPratt

#591
December 22, 2015, 11:49:01 AM
For the nieces and the Ishy-in-law next year!  >:D
ICEBREAKER THESIS CHRONOLOGY! -- Victor Suvorov's Stalin Grand Strategy theory, in lots and lots of chronological order...
Dawn of Armageddon -- narrative AAR for Dawn of War: Soulstorm: Ultimate Apocalypse
Survive Harder! -- Two season narrative AAR, an Amazon Blood Bowl career.
PanzOrc Corpz Generals -- Fantasy Wars narrative AAR, half a combined campaign.
Khazâd du-bekâr! -- narrative dwarf AAR for LotR BfME2 RotWK campaign.
RobO Q Campaign Generator -- archived classic CMBB/CMAK tool!

Barthheart

#592
January 08, 2016, 11:16:11 AM

Martok

#593
January 08, 2016, 04:43:37 PM
And that's how we know that's not heaven...  :P  :buck2: 

"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces

mirth

#594
January 17, 2016, 05:24:18 AM
"45 minutes of pooping Tribbles being juggled by a drunken Horta would be better than Season 1 of TNG." - SirAndrewD

"you don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire" - Bawb

"Can't 'un' until you 'pre', son." - Gus

MetalDog

#595
January 17, 2016, 08:55:06 AM
That looks like a job for a pest control technician.
And the One Song to Rule Them All is Gimme Shelter - Rolling Stones


"If its a Balrog, I don't think you get an option to not consent......." - bob

Staggerwing

#596
January 17, 2016, 11:27:40 AM
Gonna need the 'special applicator' for that job...
Vituð ér enn - eða hvat?  -Voluspa

Nothing really rocks and nothing really rolls and nothing's ever worth the cost...

"Don't you look at me that way..." -the Abyss
 
'When searching for a meaningful embrace, sometimes my self respect took second place' -Iggy Pop, Cry for Love

... this will go down on your permanent record... -the Violent Femmes, 'Kiss Off'-

"I'm not just anyone, I'm not just anyone-
I got my time machine, got my 'electronic dream!"
-Sonic Reducer, -Dead Boys

MetalDog

#597
January 17, 2016, 12:21:22 PM
Hells yeah!
And the One Song to Rule Them All is Gimme Shelter - Rolling Stones


"If its a Balrog, I don't think you get an option to not consent......." - bob

Martok

#598
January 18, 2016, 03:33:23 AM
Quote from: MetalDog on January 17, 2016, 08:55:06 AM
That looks like a job for a pest control technician.
You're welcome to her, buddy.  If there was ever a tattoo (which I'm usually perfectly fine with -- I actually like 'em most of the time) that would guarantee me to not want to be near a woman's lady parts, that would do it.  :buck2: 

"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces

LongBlade

#599
January 24, 2016, 10:23:09 PM
Hey, Big Boy...

QuoteA massive funnel web spider named 'big boy' has been found and turned in to a hospital.

The huge spider, which measured 7.5 centimetres across, was dropped off by a terrified local at the John Hunter Hospital in Newcastle, New South Wales.

The horrifying creature had venom dripping off its deadly fangs when bushwalker stumbled across it.



source: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3414915/Huge-funnel-web-spider-Newcastle-taken-Australian-Reptile-Park.html
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
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