I'm not going to say that keeping up with this thread will be barely an inconvenience, but we have a well-deserved Honest Trailer thread, so dangit, we need one of these, too!
The latest one as of today. I don't even watch that show yet (somehow), and I still loved the skit. And this is arguably one of the weaker skits because of the show's quality!
"So, the upside-down place is..... is Canada." "No, no, this place is covered in sticky, black goo." "Fun fact, much of Canada is covered in sticky, black goo!" "That sounds like something you just made up." "Yep." :smitten:
"And then Jar Jar is going to step in poo!" "Are people going to think that's funny?" "Oh, yeah, poop is hilarious." "Okay then!"
"So, like, Deadpool is going to ask if dubstep is still popular in the future..." "Is dubstep even still popular today?!" "
I dunno." :2funny:
And as usual, catching up on the classic eps:
"You're a little crazy, aren't ya?"
"Yessir, I am!" :D
And now this week's classic catchup:
"Well, because he's a psychopath."
"What kind of idiot would make a video of himself talking to himself and pass that off as entertainment?" {LOOKS DIRECTLY AT THE CAMERA!} :DD
"I ran it by a group of kids at a schoolyard, and they all thought it was hilarious!" "I'm not a lawyer, but you probably shouldn't be hanging around schoolyards. Something to keep in mind."
"No, but what they
are gonna do, and people are gonna love this, is send each other emails." "Wha.. wha. ...wha.... why would people love that?"
The return of Hail Satan!
"So, how many seasons will there be?" "Well, how many numbers are there?" "Uh, there are are, I guess there are infinite numbers." "Okay, let's go with that then!"
And a catchup classic:
Okay, doing the whole series is just lazy. ;)
"Wow, that's a little gross to imagine!" "Not if you're into that kind of stuff." "Well, I threw up a little in
my mouth, so..."
Classic catchup:
And the classic catchup:
"Well, you had a weird twitch, did you have something in your eye?" "... ........ yes."
"Y'know, sometimes I'll break into vans and sleep in them overnight."
"What?"
And the classic catchup post, which somehow didn't star Chris Pratt:
Oh, whoopsie -- I didn't copy paste the right code. It was going to be Ant-Man, but that worked better as a double-feature on the next post anyway.
Please accept this Avengers: Age of Ultron pitch instead.
And from one level of nihilistic horror to another!
I think this may catch us up on all the classic eps? -- sort of the obverse of the Big Bang Theory. <:-)
Since there wasn't a super-easy (for reasons), I added three extras in the comments:
"So, Diana rescues Steve in this meet-cute scene when his plane gets shot down over Themyscara." "Product placement!" "What?" "What?" "I don't--" "I was thinking we could have everyone slightly mispronounce the island's name, to sound like Femme Mascara." "Okay!" "Because this movie being set in World War One doesn't have much opportunity for that." "Good idea!" "You were saying?" "She rescues him after he's shot down in the water and then there's our first big fight sequence." "With Amazons vs fighter planes?" "What?" "Well, you said he got shot down, so--" "No, that's, I don't know how they could fight against fighter planes." "With bows and arrows I guess." "What?" "We already made the end-credit abstract title sequence like all such movies have nowadays." "And?" "And the Amazons are shooting down fighters with bows and arrows." "Well, that's an idea, but I wanted more of a fight on the beach." "The fighter planes land?" "No, no, there are German marines." "From where?" "The destroyer that's chasing Steve." "Chasing a plane?" "Sure." "Could ships do that back then?" "Sure." "How do they get through the force field? Or Steve for that matter?" "The what now?" "You said earlier Zeus created the island for his Amazons and gave them a force field." "I did?" "To protect the island {riffling pages} I think, back here somewhere." "Oh, there's no force-field, people can stick their heads straight through the illusion." "That's really convenient!" "Yeah, and see, that way the destroyer can sail in and land some marines to fight the Amazons." "And they have swords and bows, and the Germans have guns!" "Right!" "Women with swords and bows are tight!" "No kidding! Great for the trailer, too!" "And then after the fight, how do they beat the destroyer?" "The what now?" "The destroyer which brought the marines. It would be shelling them on the shore after they beat the marines. That would provide a threat they'd have a hard time fighting against, ramping up the tension to a big crazy climax." "No, it's super-easy, barely an inconvenience." "Bold choice!" "See, we'd have the marines kill the Princess Bride." "Good idea!" " Right, that's, like, an homage." "And then they get super torqued when the shells start falling afterward?" "No, no, then they take Steve up to the temple and tie him up." "The Nazis? You said they were dead." "No, the Amazons." "Oh." "An island full of hot women tying him up." "Oh, right, yeah!" "And making him tell the truth." "Hot!" "And then he takes a bath." "Tight!" "And that's where we'll have the awkward penis joke!" "Excellent!" "While he's shirtless." "For the ladies!" "Among other people, sure." "And then?" "Just some plot exposition, don't want to get too racy after the penis joke." "Eh, maybe a good idea." "And that's how we solve that problem." "What problem?" "Exactly!"
"So, since they're in a hurry to get to England, they're gonna fly in her invisible jet to get there?" "No, what? No, that would be silly." "Oh." "No, they're going to sail to England." "Oh." "On a sailboat." "Oh." "An OLD sailboat." "Oh. Wait, did you say sail all the way to England from Themyscyra?" "Sure." "But that's, like, off the coast of Greece somewhere?" "I guess." "Why not sail to some other Allied country?" "Which one?" "I don't know, my memory of WW1 is hazy." "The United States?" "Yeah, no wait, that's on the other side of the Atlantic." "I don't really see the problem here." "It's just, they're in a hurry..." "Uh huh." "And telephones exist in this world, right?" "They do! ...{scribbling on some pages}" "But they're going to sail, to England, from Greece, in a hurry." "Well, I wanted there to be this scene of sexual tension and some lesbianism acknowledged." "Oh!" "Y'know, for the fans." "Right!" "And the kids." "Right! Lesbianism is tight!" "Yeah." "It's just, I mean, they're going to be on that boat a long time." "Nope, just one night, gotta move the plot along." "Really!" "Yeah." "Is she rowing to England overnight or something with her super-strength?" "What? No, that would be silly." "Well, it seems like it'll be crazy difficult for them to get to England all the way across the Mediterranean and up the Spanish coast and some of the French coast in one night." "No, it's super easy, barely an inconvenience." "...I, I'm not... I don't..." "They get a _tow_." "Oh." "Into London." "Oh." "After they fall asleep." "Oh." "See? Problem solved! ....{scribbling}" "...they're towed from Greek waters to England..." "No, what? No, that would be silly." "But." "Did I mention the lesbianism?" "You did!" "Moving along then."
"So the plane explodes." "Yep!" "Exploding planes are tight!" "They are!" "From all the bombs?" "Yeah! What?" "In the plane. It's a bomber right? Like in Captain America?" "Sure!" "So the bombs explode." "Ah, no, I only have poison gas in the plane." "Oh, so the gas is flammable enough to explode." "Sure, why not?" "That seems like it would be really awesome." "It will be!" "Poison gas that explodes when you light it afterward!" "Tight, huh?!" "Yeah, so we show that sometime as a test, right?" "You bet! The town Diana saves gets gassed and everyone she saved dies!" "Wow, super-dark!" "I know, and it serves the purpose of making her angry at Steve so she'll leave him behind for a while to go fight not-Ares." "So she's there after the explosion." "The what?" "Well, that's the plan, right? The Nazis shoot this super-poison gas into the city to test it, and then they detonate it with a regular shell afterward for massive extra damage. Big explosion scene." "Uh." "I know, uh, right?" "Yeah." "Still all those charred bodies will be awfully dark, so don't show them much." "Well, I wasn't planning to." "Good." "I, uh, I just wanted Diana to wander around the town and see some people's bodies we can recognize, so the audience is super-sure this is the same town she saved earlier." "But you can't because of the charred corpses." "I know, uh, so, I was, um, thinking that she'd be just there in the poison cloud, walking around." "Oh." "So we can see the distinctive dress of various people she met." "Yeah, okay, but..." "What?" "I mean, it seems like she'd have some trouble surviving the poison gas and then the Nazis detonating all of it on top of her." "Oh, she can do that super easy, barely an inconvenience." "Wow, really, she's that indestructable, like Superman?" "I don't know." "Then how does she survive the explosion?" "What explosion?" "And the super-deadly poison?" "Magic." "What?" "She's magic, right? It's magic." "Ah!" "See?" "Magic is tight!"
Wow, now
they're catching up on their own backlog!
I added the following in a comment.
Quote"Also, so my wife made me go to church for the first time ever, and did you know there's this book called the Bible with lots of great short stories in it?" "What? That's... I don't think..." "So she showed me several of them, and I decided to put them in the script!" "Really! You're going to build your script on... on what now?" "Well there's a parable about a prodigal son..." "Oh, yeah, one of the most famous pieces of literature in world history!" "And another parable about a good samaritan...." "Again, an absolute classic! Even people who have never cracked open a Bible know about these, good choices!" "Yeah, I thought they sounded familiar, and then I added a third story about a selfish douchey guy who thinks about how awesome he is that he has so many things to himself, but then he gets a massive wakeup call when he learns he's going to die and suddenly being a jerkhog with a bunch of toys doesn't seem so important anymore!" "...I don't recall that one, but it sounds legit. So, but wait, a lot of people may kind of resent going to Sunday School for the first film in what we hope will be a never-ending money printing operation, I mean critically acclaimed shared universe based on beloved fantasy-sci/fi properties," {looks straight at the camera}, "so aren't you going kind of too far with this plan?" "Yeah, but I figure if I drop in some REALLY REALLY OBVIOUS allusions to the stories, like shove them into the audience's faces, they'll be, like, TOO obvious, and then no one will complain. In fact, I have a theory that few people will even notice!" "So for example...?" "For example, when Tony Stark is about to start his Good Samaritan part of the story, he'll look at the audience and announce the name of his new missile system is THE JERICHO!" "Ow, wow, that does sound super obvious." "And we'll destroy a mountain range behind him for emphasis!" "Ha!" "Aha ha!" "And he picked this random name for what reason?" "Exactly!"
"Who the hell are the Guardians of the Galaxy?" "Well, they're Marvel characters that... that... that we own!" "They are? Wow that doesn't even ring a bell!"
Yep, they've already done Guardians2, too!
"Death is great. Hail Satan!" "What?"
BvS and Justice League (I think) are already upthread. They're catching up on Man of Steel now:
"So, you've got a Superman script for me?" "Yes sir, I do!" "Wow, that sounds like fun!" "No."
I've been watching these sketches on their ScreenRant channel, all pretty damn hilarious.
Most of the youtube channel is nothing but crappy click-baits and click-bait lists ("Top 10 blah blah blahs") stolen from other channels,
and in the middle of all the crap, they have these amazingly funny videos.
So, having pitched the franchise, they pitch Tom Cruise as an actor now:
There's a couple of weird segues in this one. I mean weirder than usual.
"So, it's a see-ree?" {bloop} "What's that?" "Oh, Apple is letting me test-run some of their new software. No thank you, Siri." {bleep}
If you like his Pitch-Meetings, the guy who does it, Ryan George, also has his own YouTube Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/user/RyGeor
He uploaded some other PM-like content there, a "90's TV Show with a Time-Traveling reporter".
Wow, yeah, those were great, lol'd several times!
Quote from: JasonPratt on August 17, 2018, 08:23:26 AM
Wow, yeah, those were great, lol'd several times!
I hope he's going to keep doing them.
The "Cap told about Trump" one, though, was weak; too many contexts left out, which would reduce the critique if put in. >:(
Should avoid political humor, stick with what works.
Quote from: JasonPratt on August 17, 2018, 12:57:08 PM
The "Cap told about Trump" one, though, was weak; too many contexts left out, which would reduce the critique if put in. >:(
Should avoid political humor, stick with what works.
My thoughts exactly.
Here's another funny one:
Hey, it's super cinema, barely an inconvenisins!
"Oh, all right, just give me a minute, okay?" "Whatcha doin?" "Oh, I'm just calling an ambulance for you. Hello? Yes the person I'm talking to is having a stroke... yeah, he's definitely having a stroke, he's just saying gibberish."
"It doesn't matter if they enjoy it. It only matters that I subverted their expectations!"
(For the record, I've always really enjoyed IM3.)
"People who don't have the internet will be surprised!"
"Wait, are you doing a dark reboot of Spiderman where he's the villain?!"
"It's as easy as that! Panderin' in Mandarin is
tight!"
"Wow, what's happening? What was that?!" "Oh, when all the people who pioneered cinema roll over in their graves at the same time, it can cause little earthquakes."
"He's a bad guy because he wants to include product placements?" "Pretty evil, right?" "You
do realize we're going to be including lots of product placements in this movie, right?" "Yeah, but it's okay when
we do it." "Okay, then!"
"Just shoving a
whole lotta nuns in there!"
"Wow, what kind of awful things happened to
you while you were a kid?" "You couldn't possibly imagine!"
"Last week I heard my niece cough, so I went outside and stole a car!" "Not your fault." "I know, that's what I explained to the screaming people inside the car!"
"Well, here's the thing about learning... ..... ....it's for nerds, and I hate doing it."
...wait, Logan was nominated for best adapted screenplay?
What the hell for? -- it wasn't adapting anything. It sort of waved at the "Old Man Logan" storyline off in the distance, but it sure didn't adapt it. ???
Quote from: JasonPratt on October 18, 2018, 07:26:22 AM
...wait, Logan was nominated for best adapted screenplay?
What the hell for? -- it wasn't adapting anything. It sort of waved at the "Old Man Logan" storyline off in the distance, but it sure didn't adapt it. ???
I think it's because the movie is based on a settings and characters from Comic books, and not something written completely for the sake of the movie.
That.... kind of makes sense. So Jaws 3 could have been nominated for best adapted screenplay but not for best original.
... ......wait, let me think of a good movie. So, Rise of the Planet of the Apes could have been nominated for best adapted screenplay but not for best original.
Quote from: JasonPratt on October 18, 2018, 07:41:54 AM
That.... kind of makes sense. So Jaws 3 could have been nominated for best adapted screenplay but not for best original.
... ......wait, let me think of a good movie. So, Rise of the Planet of the Apes could have been nominated for best adapted screenplay but not for best original.
Yep, that's how it works.
Original screenplay is for something totally created by the writer of said screenplay, based on no prior work.
"Feels like you should have stuff make sense" "Feels like YOU should have stuff make sense" "That doesn't make any sense" "Exactly"
Not saying tight while wearing bad wigs is groovy!
"So, what happens in Halloween?" "Which one?" "See!?" "Ah, bleep."
"That's a good point; my maids
love hearing me talk about my wealth management problems." "That sounds
amazing!" "
Yeah, it is. :coolsmiley: "
"$6 billion in profit wasn't enough?" "Well, no, obviously you need more than six billion dollars if you're going to buy Canada." "Is
that what you're working toward?!" "I've said too much, so what do you have for me? ^-^ "
Wait, the Message body was left empty?
The Goal Which Should Not Be Spoken Of ("keep your damn voice down") continues apace!
"Aren't you tired of naked butts dictating every single thing you do?" "I think you're the only one struggling with that, but okay..."
"Hamlet meets Bambi in Africa, with Cats." "Oh, random word association is tight! Potato light bulb with a guinea pig judge!"
And the conclusion to the X-Men trilogy!
Home Alone 2 Pitch Meeting
Increasingly thinner threads suspending disbelief are tight!
(Well, that's weird. The forum thinks I'm leaving the message body empty, even when I'm including code for the video...)
That was for context. Obviously, this is the important video... ;)
Beating J.P in the race to post links to these videos is tight!
EDIT: Also, I have to point out that until the moment I watched this Pitch Meeting, I had no idea what the movie's original American title was.
Here it was called something that would translate to "Present/Gift Impossible" (a reference to Mission Impossible).
"Oh, screen rants are tight!" {does not look at the camera}
What's worse, is that I did notice the post above mine originally. I just forgot it was there sometime later... :2funny: :buck2:
Also, when do you suppose J.P will notice the post above his? :P
It's that time of year again, to kill Santa!
"Maybe they had a meth-addict Santa back then, I don't know!" "Fair enough!"
".............................................are." "Oh, is that what the pirates sound like?"
Here come the Pitch in Black!
EDIT: Man, that huge-eyed Will Smith looks creepy as heck, what will Ryan George do when Alita Battle Angel comes out??? :))
Pitch Busters!
This guy is on a roll...
"I guess we have to explain that comic books are a thing. It isn't like people are lining up to go see Marvel movies!" "And they never will."
"Oh I wow'd harder than what was appropriate."
Weird that the forum engine now regards a youtube code as an empty message body, but okay BAT-PITCH BEGINS!
{looks directly at the camera} "NOT UNTIL YOU HAVE BRUSHED MOTHER'S HAIR!" {/spoiler}
"So why would stealing their talent change their size in any way?" "Do you really expect me to have an answer to that?" "No I guess not." "Good because I absolutely don't!"
But what's more important is that this signals the coming of eps on the sequels... :D
"But why do they all have to go?" "Because I want them all to die."
X-Men: Days of Future Pitch Meetings
"Was that just an excuse you came up with to have Wolverine be the star?" "You're damn right!" "I respect that!"
"So, do you have a movie sequel sequel script for me?" "Yes, sir, I do!"
"So you have an X-Men prequel reboot sequel script for me"?
Who pitches the Pitch Meetings?
"Praise Marvel!" "Yes, praise Marvel my child!"
"So, you have an Avengers commercial for me?" "Yes, sir, I do!"
Going all the way on the nipples is super easy, barely an inconvenience...... :hide:
"Oh? 'A Lad In...' what? Like, 'A Lad in the City', or something?"
I'm the best there is at what I do, and what I do best is super easy, barely an inconvenience.
Please welcome the Pitchverine:
Spider-Man: Into the Pitchverse
1.75 speed Pitch!
For a while.
Oh, like a Playstation 2 cutscene? Well, those
are pretty fancy.
Shazam! : The World's Mightiest Pitch Meeting
Quote from: Tpek on April 06, 2019, 04:21:46 PM
Shazam! : The World's Mightiest Pitch Meeting
Super spoiler heavy - but accurate. The movie is a lot of fun.
Quote from: airboy on April 07, 2019, 09:18:32 PM
Quote from: Tpek on April 06, 2019, 04:21:46 PM
Shazam! : The World's Mightiest Pitch Meeting
Super spoiler heavy - but accurate. The movie is a lot of fun.
TBH, these days the trailers give the entire plot of their movies away.
After the disastrous reboot, let us remember the pretty-good original(s)...
No, deep throating Shakespeare is
NOT tight!
....wait, I may have misheard that.
"Then later his dad gets killed in an alleyway and Bruce is super sad." "Did you say 'Bruce'?" "Nope!"
I like this movie a lot more than many people did, and I appear to be in the even-more-of-a-minority who thinks the director's cut made the film objectively worse in several ways.
"Oh, balls in your pockyeah, nevermind..."
Quote from: Tpek on April 27, 2019, 05:58:48 PM
Avengers: EndPitch
"This is the worlds most expensive TV show. Its not our fault if they have not seen the past episodes."
"Fat Thor opens up a whole new world for cos-play."
"Wow, these people suck at emotions!"
Oddly this comes with no spoiler warnings, but y'know this is the internet, if you haven't seen any complaints about GoT Season 8 by now... you're going to see some!
The pitch meeting that started the series (I'm sure one of us posted it already upthread, but for convenience....)
"I will ignore your email, and block you!" "Well okay then!"
"This is an older movie that people love, so if we do it
again, they'll give us money." "Oh, I love it already!"
Quote from: JasonPratt on May 22, 2019, 08:10:32 PM
Oddly this comes with no spoiler warnings, but y'know this is the internet, if you haven't seen any complaints about GoT Season 8 by now... you're going to see some!
This is my favourite one. Richly deserved, too - season 8 was shockingly bad, and I'm happy to see half of Youtube attacking it.
Dark Sansa Pitch Meeting
(You know, the movie where this time it's Sansa that goes full Targaryan)
Well, the fans will always associate GoT with good writing, so the Sophie Turner thing should work out great!
"Okay, so, just to be clear, none of these people are going to behave like actual humans?" "Oh, yeah, no, I thought that was obvious."
Fantastic 4 - we own it.
Jessica Alba should not be blonde. That was just wrong.
The movie absolutely nails the interaction between the Human Torch and the Thing. That was really awesome.
And the rest of the movie sucks.
Hopefully now that Disney has all of the Marvel properties they can make a good Fantastic 4 movie.
Quote from: airboy on June 28, 2019, 09:08:28 AM
Hopefully now that Disney has all of the Marvel properties they can make a good Fantastic 4 movie.
Just like they did with Star Wars? :2funny:
...when has Disney been making Star Wars movies!?
>:D
"So, you're... you're in my office." "Yes, sir, I am!"
"So Luke wakes up and this ice monster has frozen his feet to the ceiling." "What? How'd he do that?!" "I don't know! -- but it happened offscreen, so you have to accept it."
Quote from: JasonPratt on July 11, 2019, 06:05:37 AM
"So Luke wakes up and this ice monster has frozen his feet to the ceiling." "What? How'd he do that?!" "I don't know! -- but it happened offscreen, so you have to accept it."
I'm impressed with his ability to catch stupid things. Here Luke chops off the monster's arm and runs outside to freeze to death. Don't know how I missed that one.
Eh, he probably reads a lot of what other people complain about too. But that's cool, it doesn't take away from his talent for making really funny videos. I love how studio executive guy always has a youthful enthusiasm for every story being pitched.
"I dunno, I think we're going to have to address the fact that Luke's plan is insane." "Princess Leia is gonna be in a gold bikini along the way." "...plan's probably fine as is." "Great!"
The Return of the Jedi had so many horribly obvious plot holes in it that this Pitch Meeting is weak. Too much ground to cover.
I remember after seeing it in the theater and saying:
Remember in Star Wars how there was this tiny design flaw and if everything worked just right they could blow up the Death Star? In this episode they replaced the tiny design flaw with a four lane highway.
It wasn't really a plot hole: the Death Star was still under construction, and those were relatively clear paths for assembly ships to move in and out.
I have always supposed that the Emperor's plan involved drawing them to the Death Star's true location for two reasons: (1) because trying to trick the Rebellion into assaulting somewhere else ran the risk of the Rebellion detecting a ruse (many Bothans died getting them the information, as famously said); and (2) he intended to use the functioning main gun to catch the fleet in a crossfire (i.e. "it's a trap!") It seem to recall (though I might be misremembering) there was even a little dialogue questioning the validity of the information.
Of course, the Death Star wasn't really wide open at all: it had NO holes, due to the local shield generator on the surface, which was protected from a small sneak strike by a large ground force waiting for ambush.
What didn't make sense was that the Death Star would have no shielding of its own. Sure, it had to be made to look vulnerable, so having a shield generator on the surface as its (apparent) vulnerable point makes sense in that context. But the moment that thing came down anyway, the DS's own shielding system should have come up. But it didn't have any! -- when that should have been the first thing completed! (Unless those were destroyed by the crash of the Executor? I'm pretty sure that explanation isn't the film.)
I suppose the explanation could be stretched to include the concept that the Rebels might have found out there was a main shield, and then would have been suspicious of a orbital shield generator on the planet -- or at least would have figured (correctly) that destroying it would be pointless -- so the Emperor decided to make sure the DS looked vulnerable by leaking the information that it had no inherent shields.
I think it's important to note, in criticizing his plan, that by all appearances IT WOULD HAVE WORKED! He perfectly caught the whole rebel fleet in a crossfire. (I'm pretty sure in the novelization, there would have been mention of gravity generators to block hyperspace jumping, which was a thing introduced in Ep5, and heavily employed in the battles of the original true sequel trilogy story from Zahn about Thrawn, if not also in the X-Wing games which I also sort-of remember.) And he caught the sneak mission with a lot more ground power waiting in ambush.
His whole plan would have worked, aside from possibly still losing to the Skywalkers, if Luke hadn't 'forced' C-3P0 to be a god to the local carnivorous teddy-bears, earning their alliance!
To this evaluation, may I add the implicit agreement of Zahn himself, who had his strategic and tactical mastermind Thrawn complaining, not about the Emperor's plan per se, but about building another Death Star at all instead of several more fleets based around Super Star Destroyers. (He mourned the loss of Vader's flagship, the Executor, more than the loss of either DS.) :nerd:
Anyway, nothing matters anymore, because we now know that anyone could have programmed a hyperspace missile at any time to destroy either of the Death Stars, or practically anything else, whenever they wanted to. ::) :P :pullhair:
"So! -- you have a money for me?" "Yes, sir, I do!"
Remember Ryan's cat showing up for a cameo recently? (Gosh, it's been a little while since he made a new Pitch Meeting -- must've been out on vacation...)
Well, here he is again! Sort of a pitch meeting for the first pet cat...
That's what I've been saying! (http://grogheads.com/forums/index.php?topic=16620.0) Who the hell would want to live with one of those nasty creatures?!
"So how can we have flashbacks to both of them as children, if he's several decades older than her?!" "I dunno, but we're gonna!"
"Leaning into things is TIGHT!"
(Oh wait, one of us may have posted that already.)
Pitch for no more MCU Spider-man. :'(
"Ah, nope, we can't have Happy!" "That, that seems to sum up my feelings right now."
Quote from: JasonPratt on August 23, 2019, 08:05:11 AM
Pitch for no more MCU Spider-man. :'(
"Ah, nope, we can't have Happy!" "That, that seems to sum up my feelings right now."
Pretty much our take on it.
I kind of don't blame Sony for wanting to take another crack at the character for a while, maybe the McGuire or Garfield versions specifically so that there will be less confusion. ("Less": Dr. Evil fingerquotes.)
But earning millions of dollars straight profit for doing LITERALLY NOTHING except owning the legal right to give permission to use the characters? How much of a no brainer is that? If there's a strong and coherent artistic vision that would be one thing, but I've seen nothing to indicate Sony execs have that in mind (even to exploit it), and that can only leave the other rationale: gambling their money on making even more money than they could make by doing nothing.
I disagree. Disney owns all of the merchandising rights to Spiderman and gets 50% of the take currently. Sony offered to continue the deal and Disney refused. Merchandising rights is a huge part of movies aimed at kids - and Disney wanted that plus > 50% of the take from the film? Screw them.
Disney is being unreasonable and Sony eventually decided to walk.
Ah! -- I'm running behind on the topic. O:-)
"Oh, I like that clown! He made us money!"
Angelina's cheekbones are high maintenance, so we're going to get another of these this Halloween. So time for a recap.
Quote from: JasonPratt on September 29, 2019, 12:06:29 PM
Angelina's cheekbones are high maintenance, so we're going to get another of these this Halloween. So time for a recap.
Incoherent - even for a modern Disney movie.
Partly due to being experimental I think -- they hadn't done a live-action remake exactly yet, but saw how much money could be minted doing a loose pair of sequels to Alice in Wonderland (of all things).
What boggles my mind is why there's even a sequel to this coming out. I thought they told the story the way they wanted (badly) in the first film! -- is this going to be a straight remake now?
This reminds me that I never figured out why the 70s Gemini Man series was about an invisible man secret agent (somewhat on the Six Million Dollar plan)...
Today it's time for a little classic horror pitch meeting:
Hm, that computer in the background does NOT date back to the time of videotapes... ;)
"Isn't Netflix ten billion dollars in debt?" "Twelve billion actually." "Well, I hate debt, but I love gambling, so sounds interesting!"
It made me read about Netflix being in debt, and then getting even more in debt so it can fund more crap content instead of just letting viewers outside the U.S
watch all the content Netflix paid billions of dollars for its exclusive rights. :tickedoff: :uglystupid2:
"So, should I tell you about it?" ".... ........ ....uhhmmm...... ......yeah, I, uh, I guess I should know something about it."
Frozen was supposed to be a one-shot movie with a "they lived happily ever after."
But then money happened.
Yes, then money happened.
How is that any different than any other Disney movie?
Aladdin, Lion King, Little Mermaid and others were all supposed to be one-shots as well.
"...and then he's gonna turn into rats!" "... ....... what?" "You should definitely not think about it too hard."
"Well, I do refuse to learn from others' mistakes!" "That's what I love about you, sir!"
My parents by the way
adore this movie.
So, this was a thing that happened.
"Okay, okay, so, I have a question for you:
what?"
"Oh, Lumpy's great, he's like Chewbacca, if he wanted to eat your bone marrow."
Quote from: JasonPratt on December 14, 2019, 09:30:26 PM
"Oh, Lumpy's great, he's like Chewbacca, if he wanted to eat your bone marrow."
I just saw it on Youtube and was about to post about it when I saw your post.
Interesting thing, I never got to watch this Christmas Special, for some reason no one ever aired it here.
Quote from: Tpek on December 14, 2019, 11:44:12 PM
I just saw it on Youtube and was about to post about it when I saw your post.
Interesting thing, I never got to watch this Christmas Special, for some reason no one ever aired it here.
I vaguely remember being excited for the Christmas Special when it came out, I would have been 8 years old. Even as an 8 year old I recognized the recycled special effects (chiefly the Star Destroyers) but everyone our age was gaga over Star Wars so we probably ate it up. All the weirdness that is so obvious now probably sailed right over my head at the time, but of course, you'd also have to compare the special to TV in general at the time, which was slower paced and aimed at wide demographics since there were only 3 main US networks at the time, not counting PBS.
The Pitch meeting videos still manage to stay fresh (unlike Cinemasins which seems to be really reaching for material these days). I've subscribed to Ryan George's own channel and find it consistently amusing as well.
I watch the Christmas Special every year for Life Day.
EVERY YEAR!
It's amazing how young Harrison Ford still looks. And willing to chug along in this mess for a few minutes, too!
Maybe the Christmas Special was what soured him so much that he wanted (Han Solo) to die if he was going to be in the next film... ;)
You should probably wait to watch this until seeing the movie, duh.
Spoilers for a musical that has been around for decades now I think...
"I don't know anything anymore; I feel completely insane, I've lost my sanity, it's gone."
Quote from: JasonPratt on December 28, 2019, 10:37:16 PM
Spoilers for a musical that has been around for decades now I think...
The pitch meeting is for the movie that just came out....
A movie that translates the musical almost directly to the screen, so... ::)
Quote from: JasonPratt on December 29, 2019, 02:12:15 PM
A movie that translates the musical almost directly to the screen, so... ::)
I don't know anyone that has actually seen the musical. I would have thought the whole reason they are making a film based on the musical is to reach those that go to movies, but not the theatre. I mean, Cats isn't exactly Romeo and Juliet, where even if you've never seen the play performed, you know more or less what it's about. Actually, it would be indescribably sad if Cats ever did achieve the same status as Shakespeare....
The Reboot Trek pitch meeting.
Why does it sound like the most random plot a movie ever had?
And also, is it me or does it look like RDJ's career, post MCU, is pretty much done?
Man, as someone who remembers actually liking the Doolittle stories when I was a kid, I have to wonder why the screenwriter didn't just adapt one of those stories and maybe add some dead wife pathos if he wanted to?
I have to wonder though how pudgy-british RDJ looks in this film, since that was part of Doolittle's visual charm in the illustrations and text. There's even an incongruous moment in (I think it's) the final book, where he has teamed up with two friends, an African and a Red Indian warrior, to protect a South American area from invasion and together the three hold the line in a narrow space with an epic beatdown of the evil invaders -- which is meant to be humorous and whimsical because Dr. Doolittle looks like a kinder and softer version of C. S. Lewis (for example)!
Quote from: Tpek on January 18, 2020, 06:00:12 PM
Why does it sound like the most random plot a movie ever had?
And also, is it me or does it look like RDJ's career, post MCU, is pretty much done?
Bagpipe Colon blockage on dragons is a good reason to avoid any movie.
The pitch meeting for Sparkles the Vampire.
Well, now that you post that video, I hate it to my very core! :coolsmiley:
It's a me, Super Mario Bros pitch meeting!
BTW, it is canon that their surname is also Mario. That's why they are called the Mario brothers.
^ Another movie I did not see where the plot description sounds like an illiterate idiot took an acid trip.
I feel like the words "I just, I just don't care," were really important for this movie's creation.
Ohh my god, I don't care, I do not... I DON'T care.
Quote from: airboy on February 02, 2020, 10:18:02 PM
^ Another movie I did not see where the plot description sounds like an illiterate idiot took an acid trip.
Don't worry, you didn't miss anything. It was a really crappy movie.
I've watched it 2-3 times and the only good thing I can say about it is that it was very forgettable for me.
"Well, that's a thing I learned from the writers of Game of Thrones: characters can just forget about massive threats they knew about moments before."
Indiana Jones and the Pitch Meeting.
"............{lonnnng pause as face falls}....... somebody better die for this."
Quote from: JasonPratt on May 09, 2020, 04:08:00 PM
"............{lonnnng pause as face falls}....... somebody better die for this."
"Hard for me to ruin without a love interest."
Still, Dog Wick is better!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGpZ9xaQLYQ
LOL, that was hilarious - thanks for the link AB ;)
I do gotta say, after Dog Wick talked on the phone I was expecting the exchange:
"What did he say?"
"Enough."
Note 1: Dog Wick made before JW2.
Note 2: JW3 essentially features Dog(s) Wick during an extended sequence. (Though not JW's dog.)
Quote from: JasonPratt on May 09, 2020, 07:38:27 PM
Note 1: Dog Wick made before JW2.
Note 2: JW3 essentially features Dog(s) Wick during an extended sequence. (Though not JW's dog.)
The Dog Fu in JW3 was the highlight of the movie. Those scenes were the best action scenes with a dog ever filmed!
ROFLMO! :D
"You killed John Wick's Dog's Human!"
"No law says dogs can't shoot people."
Now this is what they should make instead of Matrix 4 and JW4.
The Honest Trailer of John Wick is better than Pitch Meeting John Wick.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDEWKx0PtUg
I don't know what I'm going to do if JW4 segues into being a prequel for M4. Applaud or headdesk...
"We then cut to ALAN GRANT, remember him from the
first movie?" "Y' I
do, he was in the
first movie!"
{inhale} "--why are you inhaling--?"
"Yeah, they'd better, so then they do!"
"Wow wow ... ...... wow."
FF4 Rise of the Silver Surfer was such a terrible movie, though at least better than the 2014 reboot of FF4.
"So, is he like that in the book?" "I, uh, maybe, I dunno, I didn't read them." "You didn't read them!?" "Well, I looked through them, but, y'know, they're filled with.... with
words!" "Oh, well, I didn't realize that." "We're talkin' a lot of words, sir! Hundreds, maybe thousands!"
"...and obviously, we have to see more duck boobs along the way." "But why tho." :hide:
When the guy who made Star Wars (George Lucas) is hired to make a Marvel superheroes film.... :))
"Wow, that's a lot of characters; are we gonna have for character development--?" "Nononono no."
"So she had armed men burst into the room where here daughter was supposed to be, and just start shooting?" "That's right! -- she's not very... she's... she's actually the worst."
Quote from: JasonPratt on July 12, 2020, 05:29:20 PM
"So she had armed men burst into the room where here daughter was supposed to be, and just start shooting?" "That's right! -- she's not very... she's... she's actually the worst."
My review from June, 2019
"We saw Godzilla this evening.
This is a perfect MST3K movie - a monster movie with an incoherent plot. But all of these monster movies have incoherent plots.
Watch this at home when you can drink beers and play MST3K with your family. Watching it this way would make it a solid B movie on an A-F scale.
The only way to explain the plot is the old telephone game. Somebody wrote a plot. They then read it out loud, fast, to another person who typed what they heard with inadequate typing speed. This was repeated 4 to 5 times each time with a new person.
Monster special effects were well done.
Godzilla can seemingly go "boom." There is "good radiation" that renews the earth which is not "bad radiation" which is made by man and hurts the earth. Unless the "bad radiation" is used to renew Godzilla where the "bad radiation is used to revive a good monster." Some of the titans are from Earth and are "natural monsters" and thus "good," while other monsters came from off of the Earth and are "not natural" which is of course bad. Boss monsters from terrestrial or nonterrestrial sources can command other monsters regardless of their origin. Think the head school bully of a reform school of idiots.
I could critique the actions of the humans, but that becomes so silly that you will think I'm making things up. I'm predicting rentals will be better in States with legal marijuana."
Pitch meeting got into the actions of the humans - which was so unbelievable they seem to be making it up.
The plot was much better than G14, however, which I wrote a whole tome on the inanities of.
Much of the wtfery of this plot can be waved off as literal grief-stricken insanity from two characters (and another two trying to deal with one of those two), including the aforementioned quip.
I'm pretty sure the good/bad radiation distinction, is supposed to be a reference to early 20th century "vitalism" and its connection to some Eastern philosophy/religions, which at the time was proposed as an explanation for the way mutation works. The kaiju / titans can work with either kind, though the destructive kind makes the Titans themselves scarred and destructive. It isn't far off Lucas' notion(s) of the Force.
Ghidora goes straight for its original notion of a gravity monster (the 'lightning' being gravity beams), capable of terraforming planets and sucking them dry. He and the other kaiju are theorized to be related somehow (despite Ghidora being described as an invasive species). Supposedly the next film will be working toward the origins of the Titans. (The recent Godzilla anime trilogy takes Ghidora reaaallly far along the 'gravity-monster' notion, btw, reaching like an Elder Abomination into our universe through black holes and causing time-space gravity floofery.)
There's a spiritual element to the Titans, represented most strongly by Mothra, which is why her spirit shows up at the end to help punch out Ghidora with nuclear-pulse punches. ;) (Godzilla has been established in Toho films as being able to do this sometimes, particularly in the second series known as the Heisei era. This leads to the Burning Godzilla form, too.)
"Finn, uh huh, I don't, I don't get i-OH FIN, THAT'S WHAT A SHARK HAS!" "That's what a shark has!" "Wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow..."
Martok - DON'T WATCH THIS!!!!!!! YOU WERE WARNED!!!!!!!
STOP STOP STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Seriously," this is the modern Ed Wood with Tara Reid.
WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWowowowowowowowowwowowowowowowow
I genuinely laughed till I coughed at the final joke. Yes, I'm sure "math" had a lot of influence on this script!
(To be fair, the films must be profitable enough or they wouldn't be up to a 6th entry now.)
Hard to believe it took this long.
"So, I hear you have a movie for me?" ...well, arguably, I guess...
"There's gonna be a ton more walking, even trees are gonna walk in this thing!"
"And then there will be a bunch of flips and air kicks which will kind of look like fighting sort of!"
(The first movie did pretty well, thus the sequel; I liked it enough to feel like the sequel was insultingly bad.)
"So who's Arwen again?" "She's the one who's like, if Enya's music was a person."
Weirdly, we watched the first Mortal Combat last week and enjoyed it a lot. Great movie to watch while drinking.
"Yeah I thought we could just hang out and chat." "Well, okay, but I don't see how I can monetize that."
"So, what message do you think that's gonna send to kids?" "I dunno, but I do know this is a superhero movie now." "Oh, those do make money for us, please continue!"
"So is that completely unnatural insertion of information there going to come back later in the plot?" "It sure is!" "Wow wow... wow!" "Yeah, I'm a writer!"
"And then they're going to be brought in front of the Scrotum King." "What?"
"I do like money purposes." "They're the only purposes that matter, sir!"
To be fair, the super-powerful wizard is
also scared spitliess about the GIANT DIRE WEREBEAR! -- who later ground-solos a whole separate army. (With air support, to be sure, but still.)
"Oh, so this guy's a little sketchy!" "Oh, definitely." "...not as sketchy as Grandpa Joe, though..."
"Oh, so do we have enough story here to stretch this to two movies?" "No, definitely not." "So, why, why, uh, why are we d-?" "Because money." "OH, MONEY IS THAT THING THAT I LIKE!"
"... -- what are we doin' here, man?" "... uh, money." "Oh, yeah, money, I love it!"
The end of the beginning ends, which is also the end.
"So within the first ten minutes, Smaug is dead, and the second movie is over."
"Oh, subverting expectations by flipping characters around even though it doesn't make sense, is TIGHT!" {characters now flipped in the Pitch Meeting}
I died a bit with laughter when I noticed the character swap gag in that video. ;D
"But happy other than that? Very happy other than that!"
"ok, I feel, I feel like that's pretty messed up for a movie. [...] I did not like that sentence at all!"
(You can probably guess the topic from context. ;) )
"Oh, I feel like they should have some clothes on..." "No, sir, NEW Mutants."
"So that wacky editing thing, that's gonna match the brooding tone, right?" "Who's to say?"
Writer Guy saying, "Who's to say?" has become one of my favorite Pitch Meeting-isms of late. :D
One of the more epic entries...
"Oh, so it's going to LOOK cool! -- okay, never mind about character then."
Yeesh. I really don't understand the appeal of movies like Tenant. Granted I haven't seen it, but the Pitch Meeting makes it look like a bunch of pseudointellectual mumbo-jumbo clumsily strung together into something resembling a "plot" which justifies some cool time-wobbly set pieces that Nolan really wanted to bring to the big screen. Watching this movie must be the equivalent of trying to read a Thomas Pynchon novel when you're illiterate.
I haven't seen it yet but I am totally sure that Nolan started with "I want to try filming this" and worked backward.
Just like the movie, ha! ;D
:DD
Spoilers for a film you've probably already heard or read all the spoilers you can stand about by now... ::)
"Well, I guess there was a chance she could have turned into a killer whale, but that would have made the final fight a lot less exciting." "I
WHOLEHEARTEDLY disagree with that!"
"We got two books left, which means three movies to go!"
"It feels like you should check that math."
"No, it feels like we should cash that check!"
:DD
"You said the money word!"
"...so they're gonna do this whole choreography routine which clearly they've put a lot of work into." "It's good to have hobbies."
One of my favorite films of all time. :smitten:
"These are the guys that got scared of a dead alien and ran away?" "Yeah, but they think aliens are cute now. So they die."
"It's all connected!"
"Sure."
:DD
"So, you have a movie for me?" "Uh... no, no I don't..."
"So, you have a 90s movie for me?" "Well, yes, but you don't have to specify the current time period like that..."
True fact: for Face/Off's opening day, I drove three hours over to Nashville to hang out with my best friend from grade school to show him and his new wife some key John Woo films (she was less impressed), and then the next day he and I went to see F/O. At the point where the speed boat ramps off the other boat, the film literally broke.
For half a second we both thought this was supposed to be some meta-effect, and then we realized we weren't going to get to see the end of the film!
The theater owner gave everyone a pass to come back and watch it again the next day, which we did. And were not disappointed. Again! O0
That said, as far as I'm concerned this is Woo's "Last Hurrah for Gun Fu" (so to speak) and almost his last film before
Red Cliffs (the two-part duology version). No further films exist in his corpus, nope, not that I know of...
"It's gonna be about this Persian invasion, and the 2400 abs which stood up against it."
"Oh. Well, I guess enough time has passed to reboot it; nothing matters anymore."
:2funny:
"Yeah, but we gotta use Godzilla's name to get an audience to come see our MUTOs!" "That... didn't sound right." "That did sound kind of inappropriate."
"So, do you have an Alien prequ-- I mean Prometheus seq-- uh, I mean, do... do you have a movie for me?" "Yes, sir, I do!"
"Bringing a line back because people really like it is tight!" "Yeah yeah yeah!" "Wow wow wow!...wow!"
Yep, it's super easy, too, barely hard at all!
"And there's this mysterious person in Madripool called the Power Broker and we don't know who it is." "Is it Mephisto?!" "um, no." "Okay, I'm still a little riled up from the WandaVision pitch."
Correction: I think it's Madripoor. I find it deeply amusing that, after having reacquired the film rights to a bunch of characters connected to the X-Men and the Fantastic Four, so far Marvel is restricting themselves to a city mainly famous in the comics for its connections to some Wolverine stories, and maybe Agatha Harkness (who's most famous in the comics for being the babysitter for Franklin Richards, son of Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman, and somewhat less connected to the Scarlet Witch and Vision). I even thought Latveria, the home nation of Victor Von Doom, was being introduced in Falcon and the Winter Soldier, but on closer examination it's the real-life nation of Latvia (and city of Riga).
Be that as it may. Here's another deep-geek property about wizards, aliens, and robots!
"Sure, if we start strong, we'll have people's attention, and then we can stop trying storywise from there on out."
"Wasn't he holding the entire All-spark cube in the first movie?" "I have literally no way to check that!" "uh..."
"You've never seen zombies like this before!" "How's that?" "Mostly out of focus."
"Well, now that you mention it, I
had never wondered about that."
"So how's that happen?!" "Oh, we're well past the point of even trying to explain this kind of thing." "Yeah, sorry I asked!"
"I dunno, this feels real arbitrary, man." "And this happens after Tokyo Drift!" "That came out in 2006, and had flip phones. This isn't gonna be believable at all." "EXACTLY!"
"I feel like we've had this conversation before." "We have sir! -- and we'll keep having this conversation so long as it's making us money!"
"But it's gonna feel like the actions scenes never have any stakes." "Yeah, but that's okay, 'cause I'm vegan anyway." "What?"
"Sh! Sh! Sh! ...we can't say that, can we get another take?!"
Where have these gone!
Thor Love and Thunder Pitch Meeting
Don't know how to do the inline pics so just a link.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGgaYSk28IM
"You're goning to have to get off my back about all the previous Marvel movies!"
Watching pitch meetings for movies I've never heard of is tight!
"Well, sir, you know physics?" "Yeah?" "Well I DON'T! And I have NO desire to learn!"
Properly linked for Bob above!