Author Topic: The Hobbit - Battle of the Five Armies  (Read 3021 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline mirth

  • Tercio
  • ******
  • Posts: 48613
  • Cardboard Harlot
The Hobbit - Battle of the Five Armies
« on: July 28, 2014, 04:41:56 PM »
"45 minutes of pooping Tribbles being juggled by a drunken Horta would be better than Season 1 of TNG." - SirAndrewD

"you don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire" - Bawb

"Can’t ‘un’ until you ‘pre’, son." - Gus

Offline Ubercat

  • Man-at-Arms
  • *****
  • Posts: 1671
Re: The Hobbit - Battle of the Five Armies
« Reply #1 on: July 28, 2014, 08:16:25 PM »
No doubt it will shit, like the first 2.  :'(
"We're going to need another redhead."

Offline Mr. Bigglesworth

  • Crossbowman
  • *
  • Posts: 6704
Re: The Hobbit - Battle of the Five Armies
« Reply #2 on: July 28, 2014, 08:47:41 PM »
Part of me looks forward to it, part of me cringes.
"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more; "
- Shakespeare's Henry V, Act III, 1598

Offline TheCommandTent

  • Crossbowman
  • *
  • Posts: 5852
  • On your left flank!
    • The Command Tent
Re: The Hobbit - Battle of the Five Armies
« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2014, 08:20:09 AM »
I can't wait for this to come out.
“No wants, no needs, we weren't meant for that, none of us.  Man stagnates if he has no ambition, no desire to be more than he is.”

Offline bayonetbrant

  • Chief Arrogance Mitigator
  • Musketeer
  • *****
  • Posts: 37056
  • Loitering With Intent
Re: The Hobbit - Battle of the Five Armies
« Reply #4 on: July 29, 2014, 10:04:54 AM »
I'm totally down with the moveis as movies, and not as recreations of the books.

There was no chance in hell of them ever making the movies up to the exacting standards of all the different beloved and re-read-for-the-hundredth-time interpretations of the books.  But on balance, they're a lot more gooder than they crapper.
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

Offline Sir Slash

  • Arquebusier
  • ***
  • Posts: 11267
  • Co Butt-Kicker-For-Goodness of Minsc and Boo
Re: The Hobbit - Battle of the Five Armies
« Reply #5 on: July 29, 2014, 10:30:48 AM »
I was greatly disappointed in both films the first time I watched them. But after a second or third time... not too bad. They're just not the books or the LOTR films. Or I'm just so desperate for anything Tolkien that I'll surrender eventually.
"Take a look at that". Sgt. Wilkerson-- CMBN. His last words after spotting a German tank on the other side of a hedgerow.

Offline Martok

  • Arquebusier
  • ***
  • Posts: 12697
  • All that is gold does not glitter.
Re: The Hobbit - Battle of the Five Armies
« Reply #6 on: July 30, 2014, 02:43:53 PM »
Not happy with the movie title -- if nothing else, it's a rather major spoiler for those who haven't read the book -- but overall I'm looking forward to it. 




I was greatly disappointed in both films the first time I watched them. But after a second or third time... not too bad. They're just not the books or the LOTR films. Or I'm just so desperate for anything Tolkien that I'll surrender eventually.

I'd say this sums up my feelings on the subject as well. 

"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces

Offline Silent Disapproval Robot

  • Crossbowman
  • *
  • Posts: 6395
Re: The Hobbit - Battle of the Five Armies
« Reply #7 on: July 30, 2014, 04:40:56 PM »
Just a few days ago Cracked.com posted a write-up on why The Hobbit movies weren't very good. 

Quote
#5. The Hobbit Production Diaries Show That Peter Jackson Is Tired and Old
When The Lord of the Rings came out, it totally changed my understanding of what movies could be and why I should go to the theater. It means just as much to me as Star Wars means to people of the previous generation -- and like the original Star Wars, learning that it isn't real doesn't diminish the magic, because the effort that went into making each scene absolutely perfect actually makes the movie even more mythic. The extended-edition "appendices" found on the extended-edition DVDs are the gold-standard for special features, in my mind. Those are some of my favorite movies, and when you watch the interviews with the cast and crew, you can tell that they had as much fun making these movies as I had watching them. They also went completely insane, which should become totally clear in this video around the time the guy making chainmail starts threatening the gagged Smurf doll on his desk.




So, naturally, I checked out the special features, to see if they could explain why this movie is that thing it is and ... well, here are some quotes, taken totally at random, from the production diaries and "The Appendices" found only on the extended Blu-ray:

"This is a nightmare." -Peter Jackson

"I asked Peter Jackson if he was going to do The Hobbit and he said, 'No, I'm not interested in doing that.'" -Elijah Wood.

"[This movie] made me feel like I should stop acting." -Sir Ian McKellen


Sure, all those lines are said as jokes -- but it's the only type of joke anyone is making. If you read between the lines, it's clear that the pre-production for The Hobbit was going great -- until Guillermo del Toro (Pan's Labyrinth, Hell Boy) had to leave. So much money was invested that Jackson had to take over despite not wanting to at all -- seriously, they mention how Jackson isn't interested in this series, like, 15 goddamn times. Which is probably why his motivational speech on the first day is delivered with the enthusiasm of a man who just found out he has to fumigate his garage:

"For a long time I thought that going back to the amazing experience of Lord of the Rings would be a good idea. But, ultimately, I've come around, because films are stressful and hard to make ... if somebody came up to me and said, 'You know, we can carry on pre-production for another six weeks,' I would just say, 'No, no, hell no, let's just start shooting.'"

This totally explains why these movies are so disappointing: Both Hobbit movies so far have been imaginative and almost good interpretations and expansions of the source material, but are held back by lazy visual effects (due to the shortened pre-production time that makes the level of care put into the first film impossible -- kinda like what happened with King Kong) and an apparent inability to edit out extraneous bullshit (because editing is emotionally exhausting, and Jackson looks like he's on the verge of tears in every scene he's in).

I mean, I'm still going to see the new one when it comes out. And so are you, don't fucking lie to me. But at least now we know why we're going to leave the theater feeling like our souls just went through a cheese grater.



http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-behind-the-scenes-features-that-show-why-movies-went-wrong/

Offline Pinetree

  • Viking
  • ****
  • Posts: 617
  • aka The Plodder
Re: The Hobbit - Battle of the Five Armies
« Reply #8 on: July 30, 2014, 05:57:57 PM »
Jackson really needs to have some fun and make Bad Taste 2...
Gen. Montgomery: "Your men don't salute much."
Gen. Freyberg: "Well, if you wave at them they'll usually wave back."

Offline Mr. Bigglesworth

  • Crossbowman
  • *
  • Posts: 6704
Re: The Hobbit - Battle of the Five Armies
« Reply #9 on: August 02, 2014, 10:18:39 AM »
Just a few days ago Cracked.com posted a write-up on why The Hobbit movies weren't very good. 

Quote
#5. The Hobbit Production Diaries Show That Peter Jackson Is Tired and Old
When The Lord of the Rings came out, it totally changed my understanding of what movies could be and why I should go to the theater. It means just as much to me as Star Wars means to people of the previous generation -- and like the original Star Wars, learning that it isn't real doesn't diminish the magic, because the effort that went into making each scene absolutely perfect actually makes the movie even more mythic. The extended-edition "appendices" found on the extended-edition DVDs are the gold-standard for special features, in my mind. Those are some of my favorite movies, and when you watch the interviews with the cast and crew, you can tell that they had as much fun making these movies as I had watching them. They also went completely insane, which should become totally clear in this video around the time the guy making chainmail starts threatening the gagged Smurf doll on his desk.




So, naturally, I checked out the special features, to see if they could explain why this movie is that thing it is and ... well, here are some quotes, taken totally at random, from the production diaries and "The Appendices" found only on the extended Blu-ray:

"This is a nightmare." -Peter Jackson

"I asked Peter Jackson if he was going to do The Hobbit and he said, 'No, I'm not interested in doing that.'" -Elijah Wood.

"[This movie] made me feel like I should stop acting." -Sir Ian McKellen


Sure, all those lines are said as jokes -- but it's the only type of joke anyone is making. If you read between the lines, it's clear that the pre-production for The Hobbit was going great -- until Guillermo del Toro (Pan's Labyrinth, Hell Boy) had to leave. So much money was invested that Jackson had to take over despite not wanting to at all -- seriously, they mention how Jackson isn't interested in this series, like, 15 goddamn times. Which is probably why his motivational speech on the first day is delivered with the enthusiasm of a man who just found out he has to fumigate his garage:

"For a long time I thought that going back to the amazing experience of Lord of the Rings would be a good idea. But, ultimately, I've come around, because films are stressful and hard to make ... if somebody came up to me and said, 'You know, we can carry on pre-production for another six weeks,' I would just say, 'No, no, hell no, let's just start shooting.'"

This totally explains why these movies are so disappointing: Both Hobbit movies so far have been imaginative and almost good interpretations and expansions of the source material, but are held back by lazy visual effects (due to the shortened pre-production time that makes the level of care put into the first film impossible -- kinda like what happened with King Kong) and an apparent inability to edit out extraneous bullshit (because editing is emotionally exhausting, and Jackson looks like he's on the verge of tears in every scene he's in).

I mean, I'm still going to see the new one when it comes out. And so are you, don't fucking lie to me. But at least now we know why we're going to leave the theater feeling like our souls just went through a cheese grater.



http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-behind-the-scenes-features-that-show-why-movies-went-wrong/

Sounds like a marketing driven business scam so they can re-edit or remake, then sell it to you again to remove the dissatisfaction. Double the blu-ray sales.
"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more; "
- Shakespeare's Henry V, Act III, 1598

Offline Mr. Bigglesworth

  • Crossbowman
  • *
  • Posts: 6704
"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more; "
- Shakespeare's Henry V, Act III, 1598

Online JasonPratt

  • Arquebusier
  • ***
  • Posts: 17785
  • Now let us see what the future will bring...
    • The Evangelical Universalist
Re: The Hobbit - Battle of the Five Armies
« Reply #11 on: August 05, 2014, 12:02:28 PM »
Well, they're already in preproduction for remaking the Twilight series, so sure, why not? Let Del Toro do whatever it was he wanted to do, make extra money.

Also: mental note to catch back up with Cracked again sometime soon...
ICEBREAKER THESIS CHRONOLOGY! -- Victor Suvorov's Stalin Grand Strategy theory, in chronological order. Lots and lots of order...

Dawn of Armageddon -- a narrative AAR for Dawn of War: Soulstorm: Ultimate Apocalypse: The Hunt Begins: Insert Joke Here!

Survive Harder! In the grim darkness of the bowl there is only, um, Amazons. And tentacles and midgets. Not remotely what you're thinking! ...okay, maybe a little remotely.

PanzOrc Corpz Generals -- Season One complete; Fantasy Wars AAR, lots of screenies.