Author Topic: NFL QB's on Facebook  (Read 37458 times)

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Offline Martok

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Re: NFL QB's on Facebook
« Reply #135 on: February 04, 2014, 07:56:13 AM »
LOL!  Loved Brees' comment to Manning: 

Quote
Christ, you’re so bitter your jizz must be pure Starbucks Dark Roast


"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces

Offline bayonetbrant

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Re: NFL QB's on Facebook
« Reply #136 on: February 21, 2014, 03:20:23 PM »
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

Offline Martok

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Re: NFL QB's on Facebook
« Reply #137 on: February 22, 2014, 12:34:03 PM »
That site really is comedy gold.  I've been starting to check out their "articles" even outside of NFL QB's on FB. 

"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces

Offline Martok

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Re: NFL QB's on Facebook
« Reply #138 on: February 25, 2014, 01:52:36 PM »
"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces

Offline BanzaiCat

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Re: NFL QB's on Facebook
« Reply #139 on: February 26, 2014, 07:30:40 AM »
^ The God comments are freakin' hilarious in that one!

Offline bayonetbrant

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Re: NFL QB's on Facebook
« Reply #140 on: March 03, 2014, 08:00:13 AM »
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

Offline Martok

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Re: NFL QB's on Facebook
« Reply #141 on: March 05, 2014, 02:54:53 PM »
Would probably be funnier if I knew (and/or cared) who Skip Bayless was... 

"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces

Offline BanzaiCat

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Re: NFL QB's on Facebook
« Reply #142 on: March 05, 2014, 07:37:01 PM »
Would probably be funnier if I knew (and/or cared) who Skip Bayless was...

Skip thinks Johnny Manziel is better than Tony Romo.

http://www.givemesport.com/438349-skip-bayless-johnny-manziel-is-better-than-tony-romo

Which doesn't say much, because my 13-year-old daughter is better than Tony Romo.

Offline Martok

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Re: NFL QB's on Facebook
« Reply #143 on: March 06, 2014, 02:06:03 AM »
^  Under ordinary circumstances, I would probably agree and say something dumb like "True 'dat".  However, the sad truth is that the Vikings would be absolutely thrilled to have even Romo as a QB.  :-[ 




Okay, I just about split my sides laughing at this:  Nick Saban Proposes 14 New Rules For College Football

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1. Auburn may no longer play college football.

This may seem unfair, but think of all the injuries that have occurred in the Iron Bowl.

Why put player safety at stake with another football game?

Instead, Alabama will play Samford each year in a newly rechristened "Alabama Dominates Bowl." (In order to ensure that Alabama beats Samford each year, Gus Malzahn may not coach Samford.)

In fact, just to be safe...

2. Gus Malzahn may not coach football anywhere.

Including high school, pee wee, and certain video games that simulate championships.

3. Only four and five star recruits can play on the field.

If you are not a four or five star recruit, then you are ineligible. Because, let's be honest, two and three star players only exist to injure the players who are actually good. If you do not have enough four or five star players then you may only play with the four or five star players you have on your roster. If it seems unfair to take the field with only three or four players, you are wrong. If you have no four or five star players at all, then Alabama will play three games against you.

And by "play three games against you," we actually mean, "start the season with three victories."

4. The SEC will move to nine conference games, but Alabama will play Kentucky six times each season.

Don't worry, guys, half of these games will be in Alabama and half will be in Lexington. This will keep those contests fair.   

Meanwhile, LSU will play South Carolina twice, Florida twice, and Georgia twice. All on the road.

This may seem unfair, but that's only because you aren't thinking about what's in college football's best interest, which is clearly Alabama winning every game.

5. No field goal attempt may be returned for a touchdown.

Because those plays are dangerous, in that they require unathletic fat men to try and tackle athletic skinny men.   

6. All teams must huddle on offense.

If you refuse to huddle, you receive a five yard penalty. If you continue to refuse to huddle on three consecutive plays then you are decapitated at midfield by a linebacker of Nick Saban's choosing.

7. Alabama players may sell their uniforms and gear after each game.

No other teams may sell their uniforms and gear after each game.

If this seems like a double standard, that's because it's twice as fair.

8. It is permissible for coaches to stand on stools on the sideline to see over the line of scrimmage.

If you do not have a stool, then one will be provided for you.

9. Repeat after me: 12 games of regular season football in a hurry up no huddle offense = a death wish.

Fifteen games of football in a smashmouth physically imposing style = a light Swedish massage.

If this seems confusing to you it's because you're a Tennessee fan.

10. No team wearing crimson may be called for holding.

My bad, that's already in the SEC officiating handbook.

11. When running a read option, mobile quarterbacks are not allowed to hand off to running backs.

This confuses the defense.

Confusion is bad for the game of football.

Do we really want one team winning because the other team is confused? Are we playing football or chess?

12. When Bret Bielema is fired from Arkansas, he is guaranteed a job at my Mercedes Benz dealership.

When Bret Bielema is fired at my Mercedes Benz dealership, he is is guaranteed a job cleaning my lakehouse.

When Bret Bielema is fired from his job cleaning my lakehouse, he will receive the Samford head coaching job for life.

13. The NCAA rulebook does not apply to Lane Kiffin.

In fact, any penalty that Lane Kiffin incurs will be assessed to Bruce Pearl, who is currently facing a 48 year show cause penalty for "Not saying, 'God bless you,' when an NCAA agent sneezed."

14. Regardless of the outcome of the season, Alabama is awarded the national championship.


This has always been true, but we figure it's time to go ahead and codify this rule for posterity's sake.

« Last Edit: March 06, 2014, 04:37:08 AM by Martok »
"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces

Offline Arctic Blast

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Re: NFL QB's on Facebook
« Reply #144 on: March 06, 2014, 12:35:55 PM »
Would probably be funnier if I knew (and/or cared) who Skip Bayless was...

A clueless idiot who exists entirely as ESPN's sports troll. To this day, he rambles on and on about what a stud QB Tim Tebow is. Watching both Mark Cuban and Richard Sherman absolutely pulverize him during interviews brought much delight.

Offline BanzaiCat

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Re: NFL QB's on Facebook
« Reply #145 on: March 06, 2014, 12:40:50 PM »
Almost as much as watching Jim Everett put a beat down on Jim Rome.

Offline Arctic Blast

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Re: NFL QB's on Facebook
« Reply #146 on: March 06, 2014, 12:47:42 PM »
Almost as much as watching Jim Everett put a beat down on Jim Rome.

Had the beatings laid down on Skip been of the physical variety, they would have been much better.

Seriously, what grown man still goes by SKIP? Are you kidding me?! Change your damn name! Go with your middle name! Try ANY OTHER OPTION!

Offline Martok

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Re: NFL QB's on Facebook
« Reply #147 on: March 21, 2014, 02:58:49 PM »
Free Agency, beeyotches!! 


Quote
JONATHAN MARTIN Look, you don’t need to treat me any differently. All I ask is to be shown basic human respect and... wait, what's wrong with my face?

JIM HARBAUGH NOTHING! IT'S THE WORLD'S MOST PERFECTLY HANDSOME, RUGGED FACE. WHY, IT'S LIKE BRAD PITT AND TAYE DIGGS WERE SMUSHED INTO A BLENDER AND THEN POURED DIRECTLY ONTO YOUR SKULL!

JONATHAN MARTIN Um, okay. Well, after what went down in Miami last year, I’m tired of being harassed, abused, and pushed around while at work.

SEAHAWKS DEFENSE Then you’re definitely not going to enjoy meeting us.

Quote
AARON RODGERS HAHAHA DALLAS SCREWS UP YET ANOTHER OFFSEASON.

COWBOYS FANS This isn’t fair! WE’RE AMERICA’S TEAM! WE HAVE FIVE SUPER BOWL TITLES!

COWBOYS FANS We expect to receive magnificent, everlasting glory, but instead we’re stuck in this world of never-ending pain and suffering!

CAM NEWTON Ooh, ooh! What is, “Things Fred Phelps said to the Devil upon arriving in hell?”


Also, Kaepernick going all fanboy over having a (former) Dolphin on his team, and Marshawn Lynch preparing to advise Obama on the Ukraine situation were both pretty funny.  :P 

"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces

Offline Martok

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Re: NFL QB's on Facebook
« Reply #148 on: March 21, 2014, 03:01:06 PM »
Also: 

Free Agent DeMarcus Ware Looking Forward To Sacking Tony Romo


He gets in the best/worst burn at the end: 
Quote
Asked if he would enjoy playing against Romo and the Cowboys in a playoff game, Ware responded, “No, I haven’t really thought about that. I’m trying to keep this fantasy at least somewhat realistic.”

 ;D
"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces

Offline bayonetbrant

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Re: NFL QB's on Facebook
« Reply #149 on: April 03, 2014, 08:03:18 AM »
Not PFM

still totally hilarious

Quote
Crips Release DeSean Jackson Over Concern About His Affiliation with Washington Redskins Organization

The Crips street gang announced today they will be releasing DeSean Jackson, amidst rumors of possible ties with one of the most troubled and controversial franchises in the NFL, the Washington Redskins.
 
“We enjoyed our time with Desean.  We had a lot of good years together,” said an anonymous Crips member.  “But we don’t want his rumored association with such a terrible institution to sully our name.  We’re a group that represents intimidation and toughness, and his ties with Washington contradict those values.  So it was best to cut ties.”
 
The announcement came just days after being released from the 10-6 Philadelphia Eagles.  Jackson will be joining a Washington Redskins team who finished the 2013 season with a 3-13 record.
 
“And don’t get me started on the name controversy,” the Crips member added.  “While we may be known as a group that commits crimes such as larceny, drug trafficking and murder, we are NOT known as a group that supports racial stereotypes towards Native Americans.  How the NFL hasn’t changed the team name or logo is something we here in the Crips are baffled by and discuss frequently.”
 
The release comes as a shock to many, as Jackson was only 27 years-old, arguably in the prime of his crime committing career.
 
“I’d like to emphasize this decision was not based on his gang related performance; he excelled in those regards,”  stated another Crips member, referring to the wide receivers rumored connections with two murders.  “This is STRICTLY about being affiliated with the Washington football team and avoiding such negative influence on our younger members.”
 
While it’s not known who the Crips will look to sign to replace Jackson, rumors are they’ve been in heavy contact with the Cincinnati Bengals and expect a signing in the near future.
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers