Toothpaste on the flagship

Started by besilarius, April 17, 2013, 08:23:46 AM

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besilarius

April 17, 2013, 08:23:46 AM
During the 1930s, those randy sailors of the US Navy could not be kept out of trouble.
In the midst of the Great Depression, it wasn't difficult to recruit as many sailors as were needed.  In line with that, the rate of desertion was by today's standards astronomical.
Besides alcohol, it was dames that the seaman craved.  It wasn't all that hard in naval ports to find the desired ladies at little expense.  In hawaii, for example, you could rent a beach house for a week for less than $50.  This was a lot in those days, but if a few guys saved up a little, they could easily afford such palatial arrangements.
Naturally, the problem was the gifts such ladies gave to the hosts.
Venereal disease was an eternal problem and one that was addressed perhaps weekly on ships.  (Although some captains had no patience in this regard.  Some ships made it mandatory before granting liberty, that the sailor had an invitation to a family's home.  And their division officer was tasked to ensure the family had "good morals."  Some ships' crews basically were in prison during port visits to Oahu.)
There was a standard "visit kit" for liberty hounds.  Besides a flyer on the dangers and prevention of VD (which was sarcasticaly referred to as "official toilet paper"), it included a condom and a prophylactic salve.  The salve was universally detested from being irritating, somewhat grainy, and sticking to clothing.
On one occasion, the family of the govenor general of Hawaii was visiting the admiral on the flagship, Pennsylvania.  Normally, there would be a gangway to the quarterdeck for dignitaries, and another gangway for ship's business and liberty.  This day, the ship's gangway was receiving stores and blocked up, so the liberty party was sent to the quarterdeck.
The sailors had to show the quarterdeck officer that they had the Visit Kit and had the tin of salve in a pocket.  Without showing him the tin, they weren't getting off the ship.
While waiting for the marine orderly to take them to the admiral's quarters, the Govenor's family noticed this little ritual.  Their young daughter innocently asked what was in the tins?
The officer of the watch went all shades of red as he tried to think of what to say.  In those days, VD was not discussed in such polite and exalted company.
Luckily, his Chief of the watch showed the ingenuity of his rate.  Smoothly he said that proper hygiene was always an issue with seamen and the ship was out of some supplies,  The olive drab tins were "Marine Corps toothpaste."
"Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out until too late that he's been playing with two queens all along".  Terry Pratchett.

During filming of Airplane, Leslie Nielsen used a whoopee cushion to keep the cast off-balance. Hays said that Nielsen "played that thing like a maestro"

Tallulah Bankhead: "I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me."

"When all other trusts fail, turn to Flashman." — Abraham Lincoln.

"I have enjoyed very warm relations with my two husbands."
"With your eyes closed?"
"That helped."  Lauren Bacall

Master Chiefs are sneaky, dastardly, and snarky miscreants who thrive on the tears of Ensigns and belly dancers.   Admiral Gerry Bogan.

LongBlade

#1
April 17, 2013, 10:24:17 AM
LOL

You always have the best sea stories :)
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

bob48

#2
April 17, 2013, 04:22:30 PM
^+1

Great stories, bes. keep 'em coming.
'We few, we happy few, we band of brothers'

'Clip those corners'

Recombobulate the discombobulators!

Staggerwing

#3
April 17, 2013, 09:12:58 PM
Dude, you really need to write a book of anecdotes so we can keep it pegged to the Amazon.com ceiling with eleventybillion positive reviews.
Vituð ér enn - eða hvat?  -Voluspa

Nothing really rocks and nothing really rolls and nothing's ever worth the cost...

"Don't you look at me that way..." -the Abyss
 
'When searching for a meaningful embrace, sometimes my self respect took second place' -Iggy Pop, Cry for Love

... this will go down on your permanent record... -the Violent Femmes, 'Kiss Off'-

"I'm not just anyone, I'm not just anyone-
I got my time machine, got my 'electronic dream!"
-Sonic Reducer, -Dead Boys

GDS_Starfury

#4
April 18, 2013, 01:47:51 AM
Quote from: LongBlade on April 17, 2013, 10:24:17 AM
LOL

You always have the best sea stories :)

thats really a semen story.   ::)
Jarhead - Yeah. You're probably right.

Gus - I use sweatpants with flannel shorts to soak up my crotch sweat.

Banzai Cat - There is no "partial credit" in grammar. Like anal sex. It's either in, or it's not.

Mirth - We learned long ago that they key isn't to outrun Star, it's to outrun Gus.

Martok - I don't know if it's possible to have an "anti-boner"...but I now have one.

Gus - Celery is vile and has no reason to exist. Like underwear on Star.

bob48

#5
April 18, 2013, 12:54:34 PM
...hard on the heels of that, I need a stiff drink....
'We few, we happy few, we band of brothers'

'Clip those corners'

Recombobulate the discombobulators!

besilarius

#6
April 18, 2013, 02:39:36 PM
Now Star and Bob, you surely recall that old british question?
Why is HMS Victory like a bride on her wedding night?

They're both full of bloody seamen.
"Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out until too late that he's been playing with two queens all along".  Terry Pratchett.

During filming of Airplane, Leslie Nielsen used a whoopee cushion to keep the cast off-balance. Hays said that Nielsen "played that thing like a maestro"

Tallulah Bankhead: "I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me."

"When all other trusts fail, turn to Flashman." — Abraham Lincoln.

"I have enjoyed very warm relations with my two husbands."
"With your eyes closed?"
"That helped."  Lauren Bacall

Master Chiefs are sneaky, dastardly, and snarky miscreants who thrive on the tears of Ensigns and belly dancers.   Admiral Gerry Bogan.

bob48

#7
April 18, 2013, 04:27:57 PM
<assumes a surprised look>

No, I've never heard that one before.........

Actually, all joking apart, HMS Victory is an incredible ship to visit. I've only been once, but it really is awesome. More recently, we visited this, which is only 30-odd miles away from us.

http://www.hartlepoolsmaritimeexperience.com/?p=HMS+Trincomalee
'We few, we happy few, we band of brothers'

'Clip those corners'

Recombobulate the discombobulators!

besilarius

#8
April 18, 2013, 07:14:02 PM
Bob I had never heard of Trincomolee before.  Thank you very much for the link.  Looks very intriguing.

And it WAS full of bloody seamen.
"Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out until too late that he's been playing with two queens all along".  Terry Pratchett.

During filming of Airplane, Leslie Nielsen used a whoopee cushion to keep the cast off-balance. Hays said that Nielsen "played that thing like a maestro"

Tallulah Bankhead: "I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me."

"When all other trusts fail, turn to Flashman." — Abraham Lincoln.

"I have enjoyed very warm relations with my two husbands."
"With your eyes closed?"
"That helped."  Lauren Bacall

Master Chiefs are sneaky, dastardly, and snarky miscreants who thrive on the tears of Ensigns and belly dancers.   Admiral Gerry Bogan.

bob48

#9
April 19, 2013, 10:00:13 AM
Its a great place. We spent a whole day there and really enjoyed. They have taken a lot of pains to make the whole place as realistic to the period os possible, including the staff who wear period costume. All the buildings form a museum and again recreate the period. Super place, and the ship is wonderful.

Come on over, and we'll take you there  :)
'We few, we happy few, we band of brothers'

'Clip those corners'

Recombobulate the discombobulators!

besilarius

#10
April 19, 2013, 07:24:07 PM
Don't tempt me.  I've got to work a few more years to get retirement well organized.
But after that, may take you up on the offer.
"Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out until too late that he's been playing with two queens all along".  Terry Pratchett.

During filming of Airplane, Leslie Nielsen used a whoopee cushion to keep the cast off-balance. Hays said that Nielsen "played that thing like a maestro"

Tallulah Bankhead: "I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me."

"When all other trusts fail, turn to Flashman." — Abraham Lincoln.

"I have enjoyed very warm relations with my two husbands."
"With your eyes closed?"
"That helped."  Lauren Bacall

Master Chiefs are sneaky, dastardly, and snarky miscreants who thrive on the tears of Ensigns and belly dancers.   Admiral Gerry Bogan.

bob48

#11
April 20, 2013, 06:53:37 AM
Well, get cracking. I aint getting any younger! :(
'We few, we happy few, we band of brothers'

'Clip those corners'

Recombobulate the discombobulators!
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