When Squirrels Attack

[airboy]

On Sunday afternoon I, my wife, and one of her buddies all heard splashing and thrashing from the laundry room area.  I thought my wife was sloshing something in a bucket doing a craft project.  But no.  She investigated and found that an adult squirrel was in the toilet and was banging against the lid.

She slammed the lid back down and called for me to do something.  I told her to weight down the lid and let it drown.  I would fish it out before going to bed.  She fretted a lot, but did not come up with a way to remove the squirrel without my getting bit.  We went to 5:00pm Mass.  After I got back from playing poker that night I put on rubber gloves and removed the squirrel.

There are only three points of entry into that room.  Through a shower drain - but there was no dust or signs of disturbance.  Through the ceiling vent which leads to the attic.  But the vent was tight against the ceiling and there was no dust or ceiling residue on the floor or the back of the toilet.  The last option is through the sewage pipe into the toilet or from the sewage air vent which exausts on the roof.

The wife called plumbers who followed the sewer pipe under the entire house to the septic tank.  No holes in the sewer pipe (my big worry).  They also went on the roof and examined the vents.  No signs of activity.  The plumbers did laugh a lot and had a good time.  But they have never heard of this happening before.

Right now it looks like a squirrel ninja infiltrated our home.  We can find no point of entry.  Should we be worried about a stealth squirrel attack in the night?  Was there more than one scout and did the other escape to inform the squirrel army?  Should I keep my shotgun loaded beside the bed?  Which shotgun (I'm leaning towards  the 20 gage semi-auto)?

[LongBlade]

Right now it looks like a squirrel ninja infiltrated our home.

I know nothing.

[MetalDog]

Check your attic and soffits.  The attic for signs of habitation and the soffits for holes.  Do you have a chimney?  Maybe he came in that way and was washing off the soot.  Better yet, THAT's how Santa keeps his suit clean!  The squirrels clean the chimneys ahead of time :-)

[bayonetbrant]

[Martok]

LOL.  Thanks airboy, I needed that. 

I'm afraid I've no idea how the squirrel got in, but it's a good story! 

[Windigo]

probably just came in through an open door/window and went snooping around.... toilet was a source of water, slipped in and couldn't get out, its struggles pulled the lid down on top of it....

better off with a 410 shotgun... leaves smaller holes to repair in the drywall after you miss the bastard about 4 times

[airboy]

probably just came in through an open door/window and went snooping around.... toilet was a source of water, slipped in and couldn't get out, its struggles pulled the lid down on top of it....

better off with a 410 shotgun... leaves smaller holes to repair in the drywall after you miss the bastard about 4 times

No open doors/windows.  Toilet lid was down because one dog likes to drink from it.  We would have noticed if one entered with us (or the dogs would have noticed).  Seems to have come up from the drainage pipe.

[Windigo]

you'd have know if it had.... dead squirel smells nothing like sewer...

[Bison]

Squirrels are sneaky little bastards. 

OT:  I haven't seen my groundhog for a month or so.  It coinsides with the arrival of my dog who spent the first few days laying out front of the jerks hole.  I'm thinking either a. he's hibernating or b. he ran off.

[LongBlade]

Squirrels are sneaky little bastards. 

OT:  I haven't seen my groundhog for a month or so.  It coinsides with the arrival of my dog who spent the first few days laying out front of the jerks hole.  I'm thinking either a. he's hibernating or b. he ran off.

I've been wondering about Noriega.

[Bison]

I did see a dead groundhog on the road a few hundred yards from my drive way but I don't think it was Noriega.  Too convienant for me.

[LongBlade]

Much too easy.

[Silent Disapproval Robot]

You just need to introduce the squirrel's natural enemy into the local environment.  The catapult!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjYLRLwphcs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3Ya6z-NlDo

[MetalDog]

I chased one of those little S.O.B.'s out of a birds nest today.  The nest was in the eaves of a house I was sweeping and the little bastard took off like a shot!  The crazy thing was, it was gripping stucco like solid ground.  Just crazy!

[LongBlade]

I chased one of those little S.O.B.'s out of a birds nest today.  The nest was in the eaves of a house I was sweeping and the little bastard took off like a shot!  The crazy thing was, it was gripping stucco like solid ground.  Just crazy!

I had a squirrel taunting my dogs from the front porch. He'd figured out the glass around the door was a solid barrier and he could prance with impunity while they howled.

Once I finally figured out what was driving them crazy I waited until the squirrel was nice and happy on the front porch (he'd spotted me and made no move to leave). Then I burst open the door.

All I can say is this: if you've never surprised a squirrel from three feet away, there is no Wiley E. Coyote cartoon that can do justice to it jumping a foot in the air, all limbs flailing, as it executes a 180 in mid-air and then flees is sheer terror.

I wish I could do that once a week. I laughed until I almost cried.