Undercovergeek v Con - CMBS PBEM - Con can read if he wants to

[JasonPratt]

Lots of good Hollywood style action.  UCG is throwing the kitchen sink at me very early

I meanwhile wish to file a complaint about the railway engineer who left what looks like a thirty degree grade over a space of about ten yards on that track.   

No doubt the giant crates of vodka left behind (with the occasional forklift still nearby) had something to do with that.

I will also observe that the weather station hidden in the forest (where it's hard to observe 'the weather') has an outhouse.

An. Outhouse.

A one hole outhouse. Exactly one person can use that hole at a time.

[undercovergeek]

lmao to all of that, i had to go back and check the track!!

and yes, one hole for a whole weather station - sounds like a country and western song

[JasonPratt]

{twang}
Well, Mom got drunk
the day the train
took me to prison:

a weather station
that can't see rain
and has no souulll!

It jumped the tracks;
the guards came got me,
in their pick-up... truck...

and said,
"Our out-house,
got only
ONE DAMN HOOOOOOOLLLLEEE!!..."

Oh I'll hannng
around
as long as you will let me.

Or till soldiers
storm the station
in a gaammme!

You don't
have
to call me darlin',
{bang!}{the!}{mugs!}
darlin'!

You don't even have to call me
-- why don't you ever try to call me! --
why can't you even once just call me
by myyyy naaammmee!!


Thank you, thank you, don't bend over for the soap!

[JasonPratt]

(All thanks to my brother for teaching me exactly one drinking song back in college. I have now improved the perfect country-western song.)

[undercovergeek]

You're a poet - now do we need a black clad gravelly voiced lothario or a blonde buxom warbler with spangly thigh length boots

[undercovergeek]

ok, bit of confusion in the middle and some birds eye strategy stuff

On my far left the Stryker crosses the tracks and stops on the forest line - somewhere out there is the Tunguska. I dont know if hes waiting for me to exit the trees or if hes just sat in the trees, ill give it a minute or two to see what happens



and then this guy is unveiled almost right in the middle of the embankment zone, hes looking left - unaware of anything behind him



These guys on the extreme right of the embankment zone spotted him but being heavy weapons theres not much they can do about it. A quick call to the LT and two AT teams are split off from the squads in the woods, they will see if they can get a shot on him



Javelin Team 1 come out of the forest but not far enough, they need to run the gauntlet of the rail line to be able to get an angle on the vehicle



These guys on Team 2 do come out far enough but pick up another vehicle just across the rails from them - good news: it either cant see them or it has a problem as it hasnt opened fire, bad news: its too close for a Javelin shot



Then this guy reverses out of the forest in the mid section, between my Strykers facing left and the new platoon unloading behind them. He takes fire from both angles and is knocked out



Plans then - on the left the 2 heavy weapons teams are stranded until i can get more units across the rails but with the enemy vehicle parked on the tracks i have to wait for his demise. The plan will be to cross and then wait in case Con is reinforcing this line and then roll right and see if we can clear him out of the embankment



On the right, Con seems reluctant to cross, assuming theres someone there!! i need eyes on this area quick. The units hold whilst the AT units attempt to take out the enemy Recon vehicle in the middle. The Strykers retreat back into the woods and then turn left to protect the flank of this area. An XO team leaves its HUMMV to bring some much needed artillery call up ability to this line



The middle - this newly arrived platoon have just dismounted, using the treeline the troops are going to work their way to the embankment whilst the Strykers will take up positions in the field to cover the trees for any enemy skirting the edge too close



Near the weather station the snipers are going to head for the rails, track towards the enemy and then cross into the forest - these will be the eyes i need in the area hopefully

[JasonPratt]

This is the turn where I realize that UCG has not been reading the modern warfare manual.  In a move of either brilliance or utter madness UCG has...

Well, I'm not going to say what exactly he's commenting on.  ;D

[undercovergeek]

Things quieten down for a turn or 2 whilst the two sides take stock

As its dead on the right hand side and the centre, ill concentrate on my left - the loading area and the embankment



The 4 yellow circles and the lateral shape are where drones are looking for any sneaky Russian dogs coming across the fields, the red circle is an inbound Apache strike looking for the Tunguska and any other troops in this corner.

The blue box is an incoming heavy arty strike, about 2 minutes out to make sure my side is cleared of enemy troops, and then one will follow on the opposite side

Number 1:-

This guy was seen sneaking in and out of contact in the wooded area under the incoming arty strike, im assuming some of Cons forces came over the tracks and were going to attack my right when we landed on his left and he has now switched there focus to move to my left



Number 2:-

The sniper team from the central woods has worked its way up to the rails and swung left to probe Cons far left, theres been a lot of screaming and exploding from this area so we'll just take a look and see whos there. Here they are intercepted by a RPG team who shoot first and miss, they are executed by the sniper



Number 3:-

Javelin away! The AT team finally get an angle on the enemy recon vehicle



Kablooey!!



The team to their right pick off some stragglers in the forest line



and also finish off the enemy recon vehicle that doesnt appear to have anyone in, or theyre all dead 



WTF is this?



Still going



Stilllllll going



Oh shi............



My one of only 3 anti tank equipped Strykers - goddammit!!!!!!!

[JasonPratt]

I bet UCG let out a screech like a howler monkey when it brewed up.

>:D

[undercovergeek]

I bet UCG let out a screech like a howler monkey when it brewed up.

>:D

like 2, with their scrotums glued together

[undercovergeek]

"Take a looooook up the railtrack from Kiev to whateverthatvillageattheotherendofthetrackiscalled" - the often overlooked Ukranian Proclaimers cover band Proklaimings

My extreme left, Cons extreme right - cheating Russian dogs are dropping arty on the tree line, i noticed the spotting rounds last turn and pulled back 2 half squads. Left in the trees are a Stryker and 2 MG teams.



The MG team - a clear view to about 30 metres in front of them - i see noone but i get a sound contact out there every now and again



and the Stryker, pushed as far forward as i dare with the Tunguska out there somewhere - he spots a crawling infantryman and blows him to bits, an emergency arty drop is ordered to cover this area in case the whole field is full of the sneaky basts



The mid section, where i thought would be busiest but is either very stealthy or very empty. One of the mortar Strykers takes small arms fire and loses the commander, the other Strykers engage



Thats right, you'd better run girlfriend!!! The East European bullet dodging champion heads further in to the woods - Boris the Bullet Dodger is christened



And to my extreme right of the embankment, Cons extreme left and what i like to call 'Cons Graveyard'. Ive decided to send 2 Javelin teams up the strip of trees which seperates the embankment battleground from the rest of the map, hopefully theyll get eyes on some of Cons vehicles as they trundle past. Hilariously i could not give these 2 a quick command to cross the tracks so instead they opted for 'sunday afternoon stroll'. From somewhere some explosive rounds start working there way towards them - then they decide they can run, hoooweeee can they run with exploding Russian exploders going off behind them. Theyre safe in the trees - a half squad of 'sprinty' infantry will go see where the noise was coming from



Hmmm, arty on the right too maybe, heading for the strip of trees mentioned above. That or diggers are coming in to build more graves for Con in this area  >:D 

pffft, i made myself laugh there!!

[undercovergeek]

Sigh, Tunguska-ed, theres no other word for it - RATATATATATATATAATATATATATATAATATATATATATATATA BOOOOOOM - theyre so freaking scary

i mean, theres no hit decals on the Stryker, i can only assume that some of the sneaky Russian dogs hiding in the corn shouted RTATATAATATATATATAATATATATAATAT and the Stryker just exploded on the assumption that the tunguska was there. Chuck Norris should drive a Tunguska, i wish i had one

To counter this heinous foe 5 Apaches are sent to this sector, i hope they all come from different angles and not in a queue otherwise itll be a blood bath



Similar to Christmas Eve during WW1 peace breaks out on the right near Cons graveyard. The troops are playing shadow shapes by the light of a burning Stryker

''Now do Startled Moose, bwahahahahahaha thats brilliant, oh youre surrendering, do you have a Tunguska?"

[JasonPratt]

[Soviets] -- blew entire clip, hit nothing. US Snipers auditioning for their next job at Blackwater Agency.

[undercovergeek]

[Soviets] -- blew entire clip, hit nothing. US Snipers auditioning for their next job at Blackwater Agency.

>:D

So...............

Get a load of this guy!! This explains the 'grenade rain' from a few turns ago, mind you he couldnt hit a cow's arse with a banjo



Some grenades ping off the armour - checking the damage, theres minor damage to all the fancy bits on the outside but we're still fighting fit. By luck or design, if it was design, bravo Con, the guy is stationed behind a wrecked recon vehicle - hes lobbing grenades over the top, whereas the Stryker is firing directly at him and hitting the wreck every time - we need to move



The plan to deal with our wayward grenade popping comrade then (and some other right flank overview stuff). The half squad on Cons side will move left to see if we can engage him from behind (dont even think it), the Stryker will move into the tree line in an attempt to get a better view of the grenade launcher, the Stryker on my side will head closer in case the first Stryker doesnt make it. To the right thats 2 teams of snipers and 2 AT teams heading into 'the strip', theyll work their way up here looking for enemy vehicles to the left and Tunguskas in the small town to the right



All hell breaks loose, the grenade team get hit (i think), the Stryker suddenly takes massive fire from the right, and the 'massive fire-er' takes similarly massive fire from my left



Then i remember this guy - so the Stryker gets hit by a sneaky Russian dog in the woods and in turn gets hit from my Stryker heroes heading to the railway tracks. So an exchange of APCs and i still dont know if the grenade launcher is there



Speaking of sneaky Russian dogs............ Boris the Bullet Dodger turns up on the left. In a scene reminiscent of Predator, the team leader starts dry shaving his face, pointing into the woods whispering 'I seeeeeeeeeee yoooooooooouuuuuuu'



The arty barrage seems to have almost finished, i didnt take any damage, next turn its a full on WW1 over the top charge to the other side, the guys will sit on my side of the tree line waiting for Con to come sneaking through



LOOK!!!!! Its an invisible Apache in the sky, firing its cannon of dooooooooom at the....... oh f***, thats coming towards me, STOOOOOOOOOOOOOP.

The MG team take a casualty from the Apache, the only justice done in this turn is the Apache is turned to confetti just after this

[JasonPratt]

Today's colorfully ambiguous quote:

This is an exciting plan that I am sure my tankers are going to be happy to be part of.  (It might need a little more fleshing out)