Divorce! Well this sucks.

Started by SirAndrewD, April 07, 2022, 11:40:27 PM

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Gusington

Without prying...something worse happened?


слава Україна!

We can't live under the threat of a c*nt because he's threatening nuclear Armageddon.

-JudgeDredd

SirAndrewD

Quote from: Gusington on June 05, 2022, 08:19:33 PM
Without prying...something worse happened?

The rebound was just that, a rebound. 

We mutually parted ways, but it was a nice month. 

It sucks but...it is what it is.
"These men do not want a happy ship. They are deeply sick and try to compensate by making me feel miserable. Last week was my birthday. Nobody even said "happy birthday" to me. Someday this tape will be played and then they'll feel sorry."  - Sgt. Pinback

Gusington

Better to have the nice month than to not, eh?


слава Україна!

We can't live under the threat of a c*nt because he's threatening nuclear Armageddon.

-JudgeDredd

SirAndrewD

"These men do not want a happy ship. They are deeply sick and try to compensate by making me feel miserable. Last week was my birthday. Nobody even said "happy birthday" to me. Someday this tape will be played and then they'll feel sorry."  - Sgt. Pinback

GDS_Starfury

sleeping with Gus got me over a lot of issues.   <:-)
Toonces - Don't ask me, I just close my eyes and take it.

Gus - I use sweatpants with flannel shorts to soak up my crotch sweat.

Banzai Cat - There is no "partial credit" in grammar. Like anal sex. It's either in, or it's not.

Mirth - We learned long ago that they key isn't to outrun Star, it's to outrun Gus.

Martok - I don't know if it's possible to have an "anti-boner"...but I now have one.

Gus - Celery is vile and has no reason to exist. Like underwear on Star.


SirAndrewD

Quote from: GDS_Starfury on June 05, 2022, 11:10:42 PM
sleeping with Gus got me over a lot of issues.   <:-)

Guess I should try that next.
"These men do not want a happy ship. They are deeply sick and try to compensate by making me feel miserable. Last week was my birthday. Nobody even said "happy birthday" to me. Someday this tape will be played and then they'll feel sorry."  - Sgt. Pinback

JasonPratt

I feel like there's a Gus Team Seal joke in there somewhere...  >:D
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Gusington



слава Україна!

We can't live under the threat of a c*nt because he's threatening nuclear Armageddon.

-JudgeDredd

Toonces

Well, I guess it's about time for me to share my story since I asked SirAndrewD to start this thread in the first place.

My ex and I started talking about divorce about a year in advance of actually doing it.  I went to individual therapy for about two years prior, and we had started doing couples counseling (twice).  Ultimately, I think we waited too long to start the couple's counseling.  I also think, after therapy, that the marriage was likely beyond salvage regardless.  What I finally had to come to grips with is that we both had different ideas of our future lives.  I do think that, if she had been willing to really try, we could have found some compromise.  But in the end she didn't want to meet me in the middle, and besides, it would have been a compromise and not what either of us really wanted.

What compounded everything is that I retired from the military after 25 years' service in June 2021.  I thought I'd finally accomplished everything I wanted: I had the house by the beach in San Diego, was financially secure, had the wife, two children, the dog and cat.  Life should have been a lay-up from there on out.  But really, it's where my ex and my differences finally exploded to the surface.  January 2022 we were no longer sleeping in the same room.  At the end of March we sat down at the dinner table and talked for about an hour and decided to commit to a divorce.  April 1st we were in the mediator's office.  Two hours later we had hammered out our divorce settlement. 

I realized pretty quickly that staying in San Diego wasn't going to work.  Unlike Sir Andrew, I moved out immediately after the mediation to a hotel.  But my mind was destroying itself; it felt like the end of the world.  So on April 7th I took what little I had taken from the house (clothes, surfboard, wetsuits, a few books...), packed up the car, and headed east.  Got to NJ and moved into my mom's house for about 2 months until I found an apartment.

I literally left everything in San Diego.  She kept the house and everything in it.  The kids stayed there.  I had very little shipped out; mostly my surfboards and scuba gear, the remainder of my library- most of which I gave away before I left, some clothes, a few personal items.  Like, 25 years of work and in less than a week it was all gone.  I was, quite literally, starting over from scratch.  At 51 years old.  An entire lifetime gone just that quick.

So...it's a year and a half later now.  I can tell you that I'm still struggling to get my life on track, to figure out just WTF I'm going to do with my life now.  I have a dumpy little apartment at the Jersey shore, across the street from the ocean.  I surf whenever there are waves.  I have an excellent part time job that I love and pays the bills provided I live small.  And I have a girlfriend I love.  We've done more together in the last year than I did in the last decade with my ex.  In many ways I've come out ahead.

But...I'm also really, really struggling with seeing just how the future is going to unfold.  It's like everything that was my identity - military, husband, father - it's just gone and I'm not sure who I am anymore.  I miss my kids.  I miss the stability of owning my own home and feeling like all the major decisions of my life are made.  I'm hanging in there, and my life most certainly doesn't suck, but some days are very, very hard.
"If you had a chance, right now, to go back in time and stop Hitler, wouldn't you do it?  I mean, I personally wouldn't stop him because I think he's awesome." - Eric Cartman

"Does a watch list mean you are being watched or is it a come on to Toonces?" - Biggs

SirAndrewD

Last part of that is pretty much how I feel as well Toonces.

"These men do not want a happy ship. They are deeply sick and try to compensate by making me feel miserable. Last week was my birthday. Nobody even said "happy birthday" to me. Someday this tape will be played and then they'll feel sorry."  - Sgt. Pinback

al_infierno

Quote from: Toonces on October 12, 2023, 05:35:20 PMWell, I guess it's about time for me to share my story since I asked SirAndrewD to start this thread in the first place.

My ex and I started talking about divorce about a year in advance of actually doing it.  I went to individual therapy for about two years prior, and we had started doing couples counseling (twice).  Ultimately, I think we waited too long to start the couple's counseling.  I also think, after therapy, that the marriage was likely beyond salvage regardless.  What I finally had to come to grips with is that we both had different ideas of our future lives.  I do think that, if she had been willing to really try, we could have found some compromise.  But in the end she didn't want to meet me in the middle, and besides, it would have been a compromise and not what either of us really wanted.

What compounded everything is that I retired from the military after 25 years' service in June 2021.  I thought I'd finally accomplished everything I wanted: I had the house by the beach in San Diego, was financially secure, had the wife, two children, the dog and cat.  Life should have been a lay-up from there on out.  But really, it's where my ex and my differences finally exploded to the surface.  January 2022 we were no longer sleeping in the same room.  At the end of March we sat down at the dinner table and talked for about an hour and decided to commit to a divorce.  April 1st we were in the mediator's office.  Two hours later we had hammered out our divorce settlement. 

I realized pretty quickly that staying in San Diego wasn't going to work.  Unlike Sir Andrew, I moved out immediately after the mediation to a hotel.  But my mind was destroying itself; it felt like the end of the world.  So on April 7th I took what little I had taken from the house (clothes, surfboard, wetsuits, a few books...), packed up the car, and headed east.  Got to NJ and moved into my mom's house for about 2 months until I found an apartment.

I literally left everything in San Diego.  She kept the house and everything in it.  The kids stayed there.  I had very little shipped out; mostly my surfboards and scuba gear, the remainder of my library- most of which I gave away before I left, some clothes, a few personal items.  Like, 25 years of work and in less than a week it was all gone.  I was, quite literally, starting over from scratch.  At 51 years old.  An entire lifetime gone just that quick.

So...it's a year and a half later now.  I can tell you that I'm still struggling to get my life on track, to figure out just WTF I'm going to do with my life now.  I have a dumpy little apartment at the Jersey shore, across the street from the ocean.  I surf whenever there are waves.  I have an excellent part time job that I love and pays the bills provided I live small.  And I have a girlfriend I love.  We've done more together in the last year than I did in the last decade with my ex.  In many ways I've come out ahead.

But...I'm also really, really struggling with seeing just how the future is going to unfold.  It's like everything that was my identity - military, husband, father - it's just gone and I'm not sure who I am anymore.  I miss my kids.  I miss the stability of owning my own home and feeling like all the major decisions of my life are made.  I'm hanging in there, and my life most certainly doesn't suck, but some days are very, very hard.

Sorry to hear about it Toonce.  Glad to hear you're dating though, that definitely helps reduce the suckiness of things.
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I guess it's sort of nice that the word "tactical" seems to refer to some kind of seriousness during your moments of mental clarity.
- MengJiao

GDS_Starfury

you'll both figure it out.  I pretty much spent the 3 years after my divorce acting like I was in my late 20s but with money.  no the wisest choice but things slowly settled down into an adult rhythm.  I remember reading something during that time that it can take a third to half the time you were in that relationship to truly get over it.
Toonces - Don't ask me, I just close my eyes and take it.

Gus - I use sweatpants with flannel shorts to soak up my crotch sweat.

Banzai Cat - There is no "partial credit" in grammar. Like anal sex. It's either in, or it's not.

Mirth - We learned long ago that they key isn't to outrun Star, it's to outrun Gus.

Martok - I don't know if it's possible to have an "anti-boner"...but I now have one.

Gus - Celery is vile and has no reason to exist. Like underwear on Star.


Sir Slash

I will echo what Star said. There's no reason the happiest years of your life can't be ahead of you. You just have to find your way there. Anger, resentment, depression, and blaming yourself are common place after a divorce, almost all of us have been there, or will be probably at some point. It's normal but not helpful to your recovery. This is only your fault if you were the one in the relationship that never tried to make it a success. And from your post I can't believe that's the case.

I've been in a number of failed relationships over the years, so many that I came to believe that was the inevitable outcome of any relationship. I just expected it, and so it came to be true. But I'm happier now than I ever was before and have been for the past 26 years now.

Don't let anger rule your heart, don't let one break-up make you afraid to try again, and wait for it to happen. And when the time is right, it will. When that door opens-up, don't be too afraid to get hurt again that you don't walk through it. After you get through this struggle, you'll realize that you are stronger than you know and nothing Life throws in your way can conquer you. And know good people here are pulling for you. Hang in there Brother!
"Take a look at that". Sgt. Wilkerson-- CMBN. His last words after spotting a German tank on the other side of a hedgerow.

GDS_Starfury

besides the heartbreak and stability distress of my divorce, the thing that pissed me off the most was having to quit an awesome Combat Mission pbem campaign that I was involved with.  6 people with 3 per side and I had the SS Panther kampfgruppe and overall command of the fight.  we were a 1/4 way though and crushing it.  that team ended up with a stalemate.
Toonces - Don't ask me, I just close my eyes and take it.

Gus - I use sweatpants with flannel shorts to soak up my crotch sweat.

Banzai Cat - There is no "partial credit" in grammar. Like anal sex. It's either in, or it's not.

Mirth - We learned long ago that they key isn't to outrun Star, it's to outrun Gus.

Martok - I don't know if it's possible to have an "anti-boner"...but I now have one.

Gus - Celery is vile and has no reason to exist. Like underwear on Star.


Toonces

^ Now that's a man with his priorities in order!
"If you had a chance, right now, to go back in time and stop Hitler, wouldn't you do it?  I mean, I personally wouldn't stop him because I think he's awesome." - Eric Cartman

"Does a watch list mean you are being watched or is it a come on to Toonces?" - Biggs