Northern Fury 5: Bardufoss Blues - a CMANO AAR

Started by Airborne Rifles, September 20, 2015, 10:07:24 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Gunner98

Quote from: Crossroads on October 14, 2015, 02:16:51 AM
Quote from: Commander Cody on October 14, 2015, 12:18:21 AM
Great AAR, as I mentioned on the Matrix forum. I have the game on my hard drive, but have been doing a couple of other Matrix games more recently. Time to get back into CMANO.

I was expecting to see Finnish F-18s following the Russian strike, which would have made things slightly more challenging for NATO, but checked Wikipedia and indeed the Finnish Air Force didn't start getting those birds until 1995.

Cheers,
CC

Greetings from Finland! This is correct, the order was made in 1992 and the delivery took place bw 1995-2000, first ones arriving from US then the latter being assembled locally.

Here, we only joined Soviets because they promised we could attack and take over Sweden. That would have been swede.

As AR mentioned, because of the increased tensions I assumed that the US technology sales rules would have kicked in and prevented the sale of F-18's.  Have updated the scenario since AR started this AAR and at the suggestion of another Finn (Sardauker) I scrapped the MiG-21's and added some JA-37 Viggen's; however, limited them to the RB-24 (AiM-9P Sidewinder) rear aspect versions.  The RB71 Skyflash SARA and the RB74 all aspect Sidwinders would be limited similar to the F-18s.  Suspending reality a bit, I kept 3 Finnish Squadrons involved as the storyline involves heavy Soviet pressure, 2 of those Squadrons each have 12xJA-37 while the 3rd has 18xJA-35's.

So please don't get all hornet over a few F-18's ;)

Great AAR as always AR.

B

Airborne Rifles

Over the Lyngen position, the weight of Soviet numbers began to tell. Though the NATO pilots in their Falcons and Eagles continued to smash and turn back successive waves of Russian aircraft, the volume of sorties the Soviets could put in the air was beginning to cause strain on the NATO logistical systems. Pilot after pilot expended his missiles in swirling dog fights with groups of Mig-23s supported by more cautious flights of Mig-29s and Su-27s. By now every NATO fighter, other than the F-5s being husbanded for the strike on the Soviet amphibs, was in the air or being rearmed after one or sometimes two sorties over the past two and a half hours.

Soviet losses were heavy, but NATO casualties were beginning to mount as well. A Dutch F-16 fell to a high deflection cannon burst from a Mig-23. Minutes later, and F-15's pilot banked into the path of one air-to-air missile while trying to evade another. Two more Norwegian F-16s were the next to fall. One pilot was unable to shake an AA-11 fired at long range by a Mig-23, and the other was shot down when he failed to account for the air to air armament of the Su-24 attack aircraft he was intercepting. Even so, the air defenses over the Lyngen position managed to hold on and turn back each successive Soviet thrust, leaving the skies further west clear for the mission against the amphibious group.

The pieces for this operation were moving into place. The USS Annapolis and HMS Talent would come to communication depth soon and be standing by to launch their Harpoons on order for a coordinated attack. At the Andoya and Bodo airfields the F-5A pilots gathered in their ready rooms to receive their mission briefings. Sixteen aircraft would participate from the two fields. Ten would be armed with the obsolescent AGM-12B Bullpup missile. This Vietnam era weapon possessed a diminutive 250lb warhead, required the launching pilot to guide the weapon all the way to the target, and had a measly range of only 6 nautical miles. Four more of the F-5As would carry Rockeye cluster bombs, and two more carried Mk82 general purpose bombs. The armament was far from ideal, but the ordnance was all that was available in north Norway at the moment.

As the mission briefings proceeded, the mood in the ready rooms became increasingly pessimistic. The screen of the amphibious group was strong, consisting of two Krivak-class frigates, A Kresta II-class cruiser, one each Udaloy and Kashin-class destroyer, and worst of all from the perspective of the pilots, two Sovremeny-class destroyers with their string air defense suites. The F-5 strike had no chance of seriously denting this force. Instead the goal of entire air strike was to destroy the Udaloy to open up the Russian screen for the SSNs to do the real destruction. The idea was for the Harpoons from the SSNs, coming in from the west and south, to fix the attention of the Russian air defenses while the F-5s approached at low altitude with jamming support from the east, concentrating all their attacks on the Udaloy. Ideally the airstrike would have been delayed so that it could coordinate with the missile boats waiting to the south in the Lofoten islands, but that would push the attack onto hours of darkness, and the F-5s were not equipped to conduct night attacks.

Once the briefing was complete at Andoya, the squadron commander stood up and addressed his pilots.

"Men, I am not going to lie to you. Some of us, even many of us, will likely die in this mission. Our EW is inadequate, our weapons have too short a range, and the Russian defenses are strong. But the Russians caught our country with our pants down during the Olympics. They've already overrun the north, and if the naval infantry in those transports get to their destination then we may lose central Norway as well. Right now, we are the only thing that NATO and our country have to throw at those bastards, and those subs out there are counting on us to weaken the screen. Remember, these are the people who killed our king yesterday. I know you all know what things were like the last time out country was invaded. We cannot allow that to happen again. When we go in, I want no wavering, no hesitation. Even if the planes to your left and right go down, you must keep going and deliver your weapons on target. The future of Norway depends on you. That is all."

The pilots met the speech with thoughtful silence, and then began filing out of the warm briefing room and across the icy tarmac to their aircraft, which were undergoing they final checks from the ground crews. A few minutes later the first of the twin-engine fighters rotated off the runway at Bodo, headed north.

Far to the west, at precisely 1600 local time the two NATO subs, Annapolis and Talent, came to communication depth and received their targeting instructions and vectors from AFNN. Both subs came to periscope depth and conducted one scan with their radars, quickly locating the large formation of Soviet ships...

Airborne Rifles

#47
Four Harpoon canisters exploded out of the water in front of HMS Talent, followed seconds later by four more fired by USS Annapolis more than forty miles to the northwest. The rocket engines for the eight weapons ignited and all settled into their wave-top altitude for the short flight to the southwestern arc of the Soviet formations. Both sub captains had ordered their missiles to be targeted at what appeared to be the flagship of the Soviet formation, the Kresta II cruiser. They each immediately ordered their boats deep and altered course to evade any counterattack.

At the same time the controllers in the AWACS transmitted a one word order to the flights of F-5As approaching the amphibious group from the east. The sixteen pilots dropped their aircraft down as low as they could fly with their heavy loads and fanned out on an intercept course for the Udaloy cruising on the northeast quadrant of the Russian formation. They were supported by electronic jamming from a Falcon 2 ECM aircraft (essentially a corporate jet airframe full of ECM equipment), which was cruising at the margin of the Soviet SAM envelope.

The Harpoons crossed into the Russian SAM envelope just before the fighters crossed from the opposite direction. The jamming behind the jets ensured that the Russian were able to achieve firing solution on the missiles first. Air defense missiles began to explode from the mounts on the Sovremenys, heading west and south to intercept the incoming Harpoons. So far the Norwegian plan was working to perfection, with the Russian attention fixed away from the approaching fighters. SA-N-7s streaked out, leaving smoky arcs leading away from the two air defense destroyers. Then the Russian radars began to burn through the NATO jamming and the plan began to unravel.

The air defense coordinator on the Kresta, realizing the threat materializing from the electronic haze to the east, ordered his two Sovremenys to split their fire between the missiles and the approaching F-5As. More missiles arced out towards the northeast as the radar warning receivers began to chirp at the Norwegian pilots, sweating in their cockpits as they fought to keep their planes above the wave tops. Other ships began to add their missiles to the fire arcing over to meet the Norwegian onslaught.

The first several missiles plowed into the sea or exploded beyond the oncoming Freedom Fighters. Then an SA-N-7 exploded directly in the path of a Rockey carrying F-5, which immediately cart wheeled into the sea. The raiders crossed to ten miles of range to the Udaloy as another F-5 was swatted down, then another, and another. Six miles, and the pilots of the AGM-12B equipped jets began launching their radio guided missiles at the Udaloy class destroyer now clearly visible directly ahead. Missiles shredded two more aircraft and also began to engage the incoming missiles. Two miles. In a flurry of missile and gunfire and chaff two Bullpup missiles plowed into destroyer amidships and exploded, starting fires around the RBU ASW mortars. Two more impacted the water within 20 meters of the ship, causing superficial damage.  The rest of the missiles had either been destroyed by defensive fire or, the pilots who were to guide them in now dead, continued harmlessly over and past the ship.

The surviving F-5 pilots, finding themselves in a maelstrom of fire from the Soviet ships, each launched their second AGM-12B at close range. Missiles continued to shred aircraft as they turned north, trying to escape on afterburner. One more Bullpup plowed into the fantail of the Udaloy and exploded, immediately stopping one of the destroyer's shafts from spinning and slowing the ship to eleven knots. Another missile crashed onto the sea just behind the Russian ship.

The few surviving Norwegian pilots had no idea what damage they had caused to the Russian ship, but they were shocked at the losses to their own ranks. One of the survivors was the squadron commander, distraught at the loss of his men and still desperately trying to escape himself. He cried out in frustration as the F-5 to his left exploded and fell 100 meters into the sea. Then the jet to his right disintegrated. He looked around, realizing he was the only one left. He felt tears well in his eyes as he thought of his parents and the families of his squadron mates, just as an SA-N-7 exploded into his engines. The F-5 nosed down and disintegrated into the dark blue-gray Norwegian sea.

The air defense officer aboard the Soviet flagship breathed a sigh of relief as the last of the sixteen enemy jets disappeared from his radar screen. The eight missiles approaching from the south and east had all been easily engaged and destroyed by missiles from the west-most Sovremeny. He was amazed by the courage shown by the enemy raiders. How could they have hoped to survive against the concentrated fire of this screen? Then the damage reports began to come in.

The captain of the Udaloy, on his bridge as his damage control teams tried to control the fires started by the three missiles, reported that his ship could not stay information and was dropping back. The best he could do was 11 knots, not nearly fast enough to keep up with the 18 knot convoy. The sacrifice of the Norwegian fliers had not been entirely in vain. Now it would fall to the crew of the HMS Talent, lying in wait across the amphibious group's southward course, and to the crew of the USS Annapolis, hurrying to close with the convoy from the west, to exploit the crack opened by the brave Norges.

mirth

"45 minutes of pooping Tribbles being juggled by a drunken Horta would be better than Season 1 of TNG." - SirAndrewD

"you don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire" - Bawb

"Can't 'un' until you 'pre', son." - Gus

Airborne Rifles

Quote from: mirth on October 27, 2015, 08:29:01 AM
Damn. Just damn.

Yeah, I didn't identify the second Sovremeny until just before I launched the attack. Once I spotted it, I knew it wasn't going to go well, but I was hoping the jamming and the missiles would allow at least some of the F-5s to survive.

Airborne Rifles

The Soviet amphibious group, with the damaged Udaloy-class destroyer now trailing further and further behind as her crew tried to bring the fires in her mid and tail sections under control, continued at 18 knots on a course of south-south-west. The group's commander had detached one of his two Krivak-class frigates to escort the damaged ship. Even with the loss of these two ships the group's screen was strong, consisting of the two Sovremenys, the Kresta-class cruiser Kronstadt, the remaining Krivak, and two Kashin-class destroyers, along with the organic weapons carried by the amphibious ships themselves.

Opposing this group were the two NATO SSNs. The captain of HMS Talent had already laid his ship astride the course of the Russian ships and was making 5 knots at 300 meters depth while waiting for the Russians to arrive. Twenty-five miles to the west the crew of USS Annapolis was cruising south at 25 knots in order to get ahead of the Soviet group and execute their own ambush well to the south  of Talent's position. The plan transmitted by COMAFNN to the commanders of the two SSNs before they dove after their unsuccessful missile attack was for HMS Talent to attempt to pass to the rear of the Soviet formation and finish off the Udaloy. Annapolis would then ambush the front of the Soviet formation to destroy the two Sovremenys with their strong air defense suites. This would leave the Russians vulnerable to the final phase of the NATO plan for stopping the amphibs.

The third part of NATO attack would involve the three groups of missile boats that had been biding their time hiding in the rugged coves and bays of the Lofoten Islands, which arced southwest away from north Norway like a tail. The plan was for them to move west and rendezvous with the aim of launching an overwhelming missile attack against the Russian ships with their Penguin Mk. 1 and Mk. 2 missiles. The neutralization of the two Soviet air defense ships was vital to the success of the attack. After a curt radio order from AFNN, the crews of the Hauk and Sturm missile boats motored out into the gathering dusk and warily turned their small craft towards the weak setting sun.

Hours passed as the various ships closed with each other. HMS Talent was the first to make local contact with the Russians as the lead units of the enemy formation bore down on her position. Talent's skipper chose as aggressive strategy. He directed his boat to dive deep and put her on a course to pass directly under the thrashing propellers of the Soviet ships to then pop up and attack the rear of the formation. As the British submarine passed the outer screen of the Soviet ships this plan began to unravel. Somehow the leading Krivak had caught a whiff of the stealthy sub and the frigate's captain, already on edge after the combined missile and air attack, launched two torpedoes at long range to try to flush the faint contact.

The tactic worked, after a fashion. The captain of the Talent, Commander Pimm, realizing that he had been detected and that his plan to get to the rear of the Soviet column was now impractical, decided on a different and equally aggressive course of action. As the Russian weapons came on still several miles distant, HMS Talent accelerated to 20 knots and ascended above the thermal layer. As the sub came shallow, Pimm ordered his four ready torpedoes launched, two each at the oncoming Sovremenys, and that the torpedo room then launch their fifth ready weapon at the Russian flagship, the Kresta II. Talent shuddered four times, followed a few seconds later by a fifth, as the modern Spearfish torpedoes exited her tubes and sped on their outward radiating paths towards the heart of the Russian screen.

"Take us deep, if you please," ordered Pimm, and his sub tipped down and accelerated away from the still oncoming Russian weapons.

The Russian counterattack was swift and violent. Far to the rear of the Russian group the Udaloy, based on data provided by the Russian flagship, began launching rocket-propelled Metel ASW torpedoes arcing over the amphibs to splash down near where the Russian sonar operators believed the stealthy British sub would be. One splashed down a mile to port of the talent and began its search pattern. After one circle its active sonar picked up the British boat and the weapon turned to give chase. Talent's screw thrashed the water to get away but the torpedo closed relentlessly.

At the last moment Pimm ordered, "launch countermeasures, hard to starboard!"

The Russian weapon bored in and accelerated through the cloud of bubbles created by the noisemaker and into the knuckle of water created by Talent's sharp turn, continuing on straight as the British boat completed her turn to go on a reciprocal heading. Talent's crew let out a collective breath.

The reprieve was only temporary, however. The two torpedoes launched by the Krivak were still approaching, not from directly ahead, and unknown to Pimm another Metel rocket was also inbound. On the other hand, the efficient British torpedo room had managed to reload three tubes with half of the remaining Spearfish torps.

Pimm ordered a snapshot of two weapons against the leading Soviet frigate and targeted the third at the flagship. Just then a low rumble reverberated through the hull. The sonar room reported an explosion on the bearing of the Kresta-II. The 60-knot spearfish launcheb by Talent's torpedo room had struck the cruiser's fantail and wrecked her propulsion, leaving the ship dead in the water. To the north and northeast of the stricken cruiser the two Sovremenys were maneuvering wildly to try to shake their tormentors. The captain of the east-most destroyer was the most successful. He managed to interpose his towed decoy between the lead Spearfish and himself. The British weapon detonated in a luminescent column of white water behind the ship. The explosion also blinded the second torpedo, which was following several hundred meters behind, and this fish then continued straight on behind the stern of the destroyer.

The second Russian destroyer wasn't nearly so lucky. The lead Spearfish plowed past the towed decoy and detonated directly under the Sovremeny's stern, lifting the rear of the ship completely out of the water, her screws still thrashing wildly. The ship crashed back down in a froth of white water and smoke just as the second Spearfish detonated under the now wrecked fantail. The rear of the destroyer broke off entirely, and front two thirds of the shift tilted upwards until the entire structure was vertical before the entire wreck plunged straight down into the sea.

Aboard Talent, Pimm's torpedo room reported the destruction of the one Russian destroyer, but was unable to confirm if the other had been hit. Just then the second Metel splashed down behind the British boat and began an active sonar search pattern. The torpedo room had managed to reload two of the remaining three Spearfish by this point, and hedging against being sunk Pimm ordered these two launched at the last known position of the first Sovremeny. The commander then ordered an evasive turn and dive as the Russian weapon turned into them.

This time Pimm's luck held. The Talent's captain ordered several noisemakers ejected. These succeeded in luring away the latest Russian attack.

Back above the surface in the darkening arctic night the remaining Russian ships were in confusion. The flagship was dead in the water with a single torpedo bearing down. The lead frigate was fleeing two other torpedoes, and the sonar operators on the surviving Sovremeny had just detected two more weapons bearing down to replace the two they had already evaded. The next Russian ship to die was the flagship. The Kresta-II had been settling by the stern until the second torpedo approached head on and wrecked the ship's bow, actually detaching it from the rest of the cruiser. The Kronstadt sank quickly, her surviving crew jumping and tumbling into the frigid arctic water.

Next to die was the fleeing Krivak. When the smoke and water column cleared from the detonation of the two torpedoes there was nothing left but debris and oily water. The last to die was the remaining Sovremeny, which took two Spearfish to the starboard side and slowly rolled over, taking most of her crew with her. The Russian screen had been reduced to the two old Kashin-class destroyers, along with the limping Udaloy far to the rear escorted by one more frigate.

The Russians didn't die alone, however. A final Metel had splashed down directly behind Talent just as the reverberations from the last explosions quieted. Pimm's luck finally ran out as the Russian weapon impacted the sub's screw, destroying all propulsion. Pimm ordered an emergency blow that succeeded in surfacing his crippled boat, and then ordered abandon ship. Sailors tumbled out of the British submarine's hatches and into survival rafts as the submarine began to settle by the stern more quickly. The proud boat then sank out of sight, taking with her several crew, including her captain. 

The Russian amphibious group continued south with a much weakened screen, ignoring the Talent's rafts.

Sir Slash

Good show HMS Talent! England Expects and all that.  O0
"Take a look at that". Sgt. Wilkerson-- CMBN. His last words after spotting a German tank on the other side of a hedgerow.

mirth

"45 minutes of pooping Tribbles being juggled by a drunken Horta would be better than Season 1 of TNG." - SirAndrewD

"you don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire" - Bawb

"Can't 'un' until you 'pre', son." - Gus

Airborne Rifles

Quote from: mirth on November 05, 2015, 09:16:25 AM
Another brutal fight!

I think you all are going to like how this played out. I'll hopefully get the write-up done tonight.

Airborne Rifles

The Russian amphibious group continued south with its much depleted screen. To the west, USS Annapolis, her captain unsure about the outcome of HMS Talent's attack, proceeded south at 25 knots on a parallel course, trying to get at the flank of the Soviet group. To the east the Norwegian missile boats rendezvoused with the Norwegian frigate Stavenger and then proceeded on an intercept course with the Russian ships at their best speed of 32 knots.

More than 90 minutes passed as the various units closed with each other. The next allied ship to make contact with the amphibs was the Annapolis. Her captain, Commander Adams, chose a conservative approach for his attack run. He would move in from the east and launch a spread of Mk48s at any escorts he could target at maximum range. He would then evade and assess the success of this attack before reengaging from a different vector. Annapolis turned west and slowed to 5 knots for the approach.

After a while, Adams' sonar room reported that the only escorts they could make out were two Kashin-class destroyers and a Krivak-class frigate hurrying up from the rear of the enemy column. Talent's attack couldn't have been so successful that the escorting force was reduced to such a level, could it? Adams suspected a trap, and chose to keep with his conservative approach.

In reality, things were even worse for the Russians than they seemed to Adams aboard Annapolis. Talent's attack had emasculated the group's escorting screen, while further back luck had run out for the damaged Udaloy. The fires started by the three Bullpup missiles had continued to burn despite the efforts of the crew's damage control parties. Now they had spread and were burning out of control along much of the ship. The destroyer had eventually lost power and her captain bowed to the inevitable and ordered abandon ship. The captain of the escorting Krivak had come alongside and taken off the surviving crew before ordering his ship south at full speed to catch up with the transports. The small warship was approaching the rear of the advancing column when she was detected by Annapolis.

Adams, suspecting a trap, opted to stay with his conservative plan of a long-range attack on the escorts. As Annapolis came into range of the column's seaward flank, Adam's ordered four Mk48s launched. The sub shuddered four times, and her captain then ordered a turn to port and a dive to 900 feet.

The torpedoes sped on their way for a surprisingly ling time before the Russians reacted. By then it was too late for the older Kashins to evade, much less detect their attacker. Both ships succumbed to a single Mk48, which exploded under their keels in the dark arctic night. The Krivak, carrying the survivors of the Udlaoy, wasn't any luckier. A Mk48 ripped into her, causing terrible casualties and tumbling the survivors into the sea, come of whom had lost two ships from under them in as many hours.

The Soviet transports were now without escort, but Commander Adams conservative approach and evasive course meant that he was now out of position to press his attack short of another lengthy run to the south. Now it was the turn of the Norwegian missile boats, speeding in from the east, to finish the job.

Airborne Rifles

And the conclusion:

The Hauk and Sturm missile boats sped across the dark rolling waves of the Norwegian Sea towards the landward side of the Russian column. Their crews were using their advanced optics, thermal and night vision systems to search for their quarry. The EW aircraft over central Norway had reported one by one the disappearance of every single escorting radar in the Soviet formation, and the Norwegian sailors were beginning to feel not just determined, but confident about their mission.

The crew on the lead small craft picked up the Russian ships on the western horizon and radioed their sighting to the other eleven boats. Each carried four Penguin ant-ship missiles, and the crews began to ripple-fire these as the low shapes of the Soviet LSTs and other transports began to appear on their screens.

The Russian defenses organic to the amphibious transport proved surprisingly effective at knocking down the incoming threats, particularly since the Norwegians had failed to launch their weapons in a single, coordinated strike. Even so, about half of the transports were hit, and several, weighed down with their heavy loads, began to sink. The missile boats, now out of missiles, pressed in on the Soviet formation like wolves attacking a wounded reindeer. They sped in and cut through the Russian ships, firing their 76mm deck guns and 40mm Bofors as fast as the crews could work them. The Russians fought back, particularly the large Ivan Rogov-class LPD at the center of the formation.

The Russian admiral in overall command, having realized lake the danger her amphibs were in, had dispatched four Yak-38s from the Kiev-class carrier Baku to safeguard these ships. These now arrived and attempted in the dark to intervene in the slaughter. They lined up on three of the Norvegian boats speeding into the column and dove, releasing their bombs just as Mistral missiles reached up towards them from two of the small ships. The bombs straddled one of the boats, causing superficial damage. At the same time, one of the stubby fighters exploded as it was hit by a Mistral SAM and fell into the sea behind the Norwegians. The Russian aircraft, now devoid of weapons, climbed and banked away, leaving the transports to their fate.

In the end, the small guns of the dozen Norwegian missile boats pummeled each Russian ship into wreckage one at a time. The last to succumb was the big Ivan Rogov, whose crew managed to hit several of the Norwegian boats with their own guns before they were swept from their posts by fire from several directions. A dozen transports, along with the Naval Infantry brigade they were carrying, were dumped into the icy waters of the Norwegian sea and the small and deadly boats withdrew into the night towards the Lofoten islands.

The allies had suffered losses, particularly among the F-5A squadrons, but the Soviet strategy for seizing central Norway was now in shambles.

Sir Slash

Good show Airborne Rifles! What do we owe you for this?  :P
"Take a look at that". Sgt. Wilkerson-- CMBN. His last words after spotting a German tank on the other side of a hedgerow.

Crossroads

Woo-hoo, Norway is saved! At least for now  :) Well played AF
Campaign Series Legion | CS: Vietnam 1948-1967 | CS: Middle East 1948-1985

CS: Vietnam DAR: LZ Albany as NVA (South Vietnam 11/17/65)  
CS: Middle East AARs: High Water Mark (Syria 10/12/73) Me vs Berto | Riptide (Libya 8/6/85) Me vs Berto | The Crossroads (West Bank 6/5/67)  Me vs Berto

Boardgame AARs: AH D-Day | MMP PanzerBlitz2 Carentan | OSS Putin's Northern War | GMT Next War: Poland | LnL Against the Odds DIY

Airborne Rifles

Quote from: Sir Slash on November 08, 2015, 12:01:36 AM
Good show Airborne Rifles! What do we owe you for this?  :P

You can buy me a beer if we ever end up at the same local watering hole and I'll bend your ear about Cold-war-goes-hot scenarios  :). Glad you're enjoying it!

mirth

Your entire series has been great, AR, but for some reason this one seemed particularly epic!
"45 minutes of pooping Tribbles being juggled by a drunken Horta would be better than Season 1 of TNG." - SirAndrewD

"you don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire" - Bawb

"Can't 'un' until you 'pre', son." - Gus