By Jupiter's Cock - its a Domina AAR

[JasonPratt]

  :DD

I shall regard my so-called 'loss' as a moral victory. Clearly I gave up after stringing Bob along, so that we both could get the practice, and make the magistrate hot. But being all wounded afterward, not hot for us.

Thus the deepness of my strategy becomes apparent. 

Thus either...  Jason has the agility and dodge levels of a god...

I am forced to assume that this is the correct analysis.  O0

[JasonPratt]

This isn't just the best AAR I have ever read, it is the best anything I have ever read. And I need this game.  O0

BC and the rest of us desperately need to step up our game this year!

[SirAndrewD]

Tastes like chicken.

Gotcha.  I knew that you and Mirth were fond of meat.

[undercovergeek]

Because we are in high favour with the magistrate, he gives us this - admittedly a hard core bastard but we can send in 3 of our best guys to teach him a lesson and the loot is quite high



Summon Gus the Small, Bob the Nutter and Jason the Unsilent - the crowd go wild.

5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1, Bob adjusts his cock sheath, Jason waxes lyrical and Gus steps forward with 4 200+ strength hits. Potillius rests in pieces across the arena - the Grog team didnt even break a sweat, Gus picks his teeth with his sword, its all over



And then I find the pit fight button. Frowned upon by the legate and the magistrate as its down and dirty but man you can earn wads of cash and get massive stat boosts. So each month i'll try and get in a pit fight and then an exhibition match for the two weirdos to say sorry. You can also hire an employee that allows you to bet on the matches too, the main downside is you dont get to see your opponents stats only his wins as to some clue to his power. We gird our cock sheaths and send in Bob the Nutter, fully tooled up with the Zweihander

By the way, on this day someone through a brick into the ludus with a message wrapped round it, i unwrapped the message with trepidation, it said............

'You're a c**t'

and that was that



The pit, Bob has more hit points and his opponent has brought gardening equipment to a knife fight



The guy is almost dead and Bob has a mere flesh wound. Here he is blocking a stab from the trident, he did get caught with the net at one point but rolled to safety like a ninja. Its all over shortly after, lots of lolly, a new slave and some bumper stats for Bob



That wasnt too hard was it? Lets buff up SDR and turn him into a ludus champ as well. What he doesnt have in skill he makes up for in HP

30 seconds later whats left of SDR is handed to us in a small bag.

I WILL REBUILD HIM

Domitus turns out to be 'their' Gus



With 50 days of the season left im reminded that we need to have defeated 3 regional champions before we can fight in the national final. First up from Milan is Valgius the Decapitator - holy shit thats an awesome name, im concerned for our champion Gus the Small



550 HP, and the guy can bearly throw out enough damage to get thru Gus' armour. Heh heh, thats not a champion



This is a champion................... im beginning to think something has gone wrong with Gus' build - he has 4 cards increasing his HP, damage output, speed and agility - the game doesnt know what to do with him - the 'regional champion' lasts seconds

[JasonPratt]

That guy's lucky dog foot, wasn't.

...I shall compose an epilogue!

[Gusington]

There is most definitely something wrong with my build.

[undercovergeek]

There is most definitely something wrong with my build.

lmao - well done!

[Silent Disapproval Robot]

Just a flesh wound....Send me in again!  I slipped on a pebble last time.

[Gusington]

If only ucg was really my manager.

[undercovergeek]

Just a flesh wound....Send me in again!  I slipped on a pebble last time.

ive patched you up, youre almost ready

If only ucg was really my manager.

you havent seen anything yet - i had no idea what the end of year national championship was  :o  :o

[BanzaiCat]

Excellent stuff, ucg.  O0

[undercovergeek]

thanks BC

[JasonPratt]

There is most definitely something wrong with my build.

Yet another sigline...!

[Gusington]

I've got a million of them.

[undercovergeek]

we fulfill our second regional championship by sending Bob the Nutter against Decius the Bringer of Doom



Decius brings his gardening equipment, and his fancy fighting clothes but forgets the doom - its all over and theres only one more fight to qualify for the big rumble in Rome



Here he is - Spurius of Sparta, i may have overestimated these regional contests - Gus has 10x the agility and strength and 4x the damage output

It doesnt last long - 3 seconds actually, 'Fight' stab, hack, slash - done, he's back in the ludus for tea and crumpets before theyve cleaned up the mess



The party event triggers again - i opt for nothing as i hate the magistrate and im not paying him anything



and it works



Out of despair and sympathy i send in Banzai against a man in his pants carrying a stick. Banzai has lost every demonstration match he's been in, im trying to get him up to speed i really am, but if the game hamstrings certain gladiators then Banzai is our man.



He wins, thank the gods - i will make a fighter out of him



Its the eve of the national championship, Gus is oiled and ready, never defeated, in fact in the last 3 fights he hasnt even been hit. To sell him would quadruple the ludus annual turnover, but hes our man!!



Oooo fk...................