Greetings all, and thank you for stopping by.
The Political Machine 2016 (http://www.politicalmachine.com/) is a political simulator (albeit a light-hearted one) where no less than the Presidency of the United States of America is the goal. This game simulates the run for the White House, starting after winning the nomination from your chosen Party, then moving through the campaign process, and finally, ending with Election Night, where you see the fruits of your labors spilled out as the game goes through each state, showing which side won what state, and keeping a running tally of the Electoral Votes needed to reside in the White House for the next four years.
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2F2016-02-06_00028.jpg&hash=1021da7268052268c6c6f000336493bb396025cb)
You can choose from several existing candidates, or even create your own.
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2F2016-02-06_00029.jpg&hash=fa8d37c7114e646d80145c170f46840b982ed9c4)
The game's set-up is pretty straightforward. For this little endeavor, I'm going with a medium-length Campaign (26 weeks, where each week is one turn), 100% funds (which is normal, though you can up or lower your starting coffers if you want), and Normal difficulty (I've already won this game on Cakewalk - the easiest - and Easy - the next easiest).
There's options at left that let you choose to randomize several things, including the states' populations (which will impact their importance as far as Electoral Votes go), and several other things. I'm not selecting any of them for this game.
(Note that the last couple of screenshots, I had scaled down by 50% so they'd fit on the screen, but they look too blurry. From this point forward I'll just set their image width here in the posts to hopefully make them clearer.)
I thought about playing Trump again, but there wouldn't be much fun in that. I haven't done the Create-A-Candidate function yet, so that's where I'm headed next!
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2F2016-02-06_00001.jpg&hash=ceafb3495c46c818ad58a17bfeb17baf241481d5)
What you see here are all the default settings for your candidate. You can name them, set their political party (which I think is only Democrat or Republican), and do a few other superficial things that only affect appearances and not the actual game. What does affect the game, though, are the candidate's Characteristics.
You can view the list here. They're pretty self-explanatory:
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2Fc.jpg&hash=a94e20d2e4edb8eac01ee2b83b8f18901aedebae)
At start, you have 10 points to spend to increase any of them (and can decrease them if you want, to get more points). Each costs one point to raise (or gives you one point to lower), with the exception of Stamina, Money, and Fund Raising, which each raising/lowering costing/giving two points instead.
Fiddling around a little with the settings, and checking out the various outfits, hats, facial features, and such, I give you the Republican nominee for President of the United States...GROG THE CONQUEROR.
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2F2016-02-06_00013.jpg&hash=b0127fe5af277d9c59c0c6ec946426596ca77d70)
Note the piercing, lizard-like eyes, the commanding monocle, the drooling mouth, the America-themed Viking helmet (not to mention the sword as well), and the spiky armor. This is a candidate not to be trifled with, and his characteristics reflect it.
Some of them, I left alone, but others I altered, using the following reasoning.
Stamina: 6
I raised this by one (costing two points) because Stamina determines how many things you can do each turn.
Charisma: 9
Nobody wants a wimp for a leader. GROG THE CONQUEROR is a commanding presence that acts as a magnet. Nobody dares ignore GROG when he strides into a room, combat armor boots clanking and likely making divots in the floor. His lizardly, Sauron-like eyes see all, and his monocle gives him a certain Prussian authoritarian stance...making him an immediate expert at strategery.
Appearance: 2
I took three points away here, because he does kinda look like an assh*le.
Intelligence: 9
GROG THE CONQUEROR has a Titan-like intelligence that makes interviewers putty in his mighty armored fists. He is as much an artist with words as he is with his sword, carving literary genius through opposing torsos with grace and eloquence.
Media Bias: 6
Despite his appearance, he knows what to say and when to say it, giving the Satan-spawn media of this country a begrudging admittance to his leadership ability.
Now that GROG THE CONQUEROR has been created, he requires a human sacrifice an opponent to run against.
Whom shall it be?
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2F2016-02-06_00015.jpg&hash=ca8342179e6d0ac664cbf28a51cba4b96f05abd9)
The Capo of the Clinton clan, Hillary, is the default choice when you get to this screen. But note the plethora of opponents on the Democrat side you can run against (if you're playing a Republican, of course).
What's interesting here is you can run against Bill Clinton if you like (his Credibility is in the toilet along with his wife's, too...heh-heh), or even Michelle Obama (but why she would be included and not Obama himself is kind of a mystery...I mean, if you include Bill, you'd think Obama would be in there too).
And...Al Franken? Really?
Bernie Sanders is an intriguing victi-errr, I mean, opponent for GROG THE CONQUEROR. However, Bernie's Charisma is as high as GROG's, and we do not need a smart-mouthed, tax-crazy lunatic to run against.
Instead, we'll go with the default crypt-keeper: Hillary Clinton.
Here is the map at start. Note that a lot of states are red (showing Republican leaning), while New York and California are solidly in the Democrat camp.
GROG THE CONQUEROR wants none of this. ALL WILL BOW BEFORE HIS MIGHT.
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2F2016-02-06_00020.jpg&hash=fde05aeffbf65f29275fdc4f1015732669817ea9)
Why did I make Maine GROG THE CONQUEROR's home state, you might ask? Well, initially, I was going to do a mirth vs. Starfury Presidential campaign, but decided that could be an AAR for another time. The home state your candidate comes from helps increase Awareness in that state for said candidate.
From this point on I will probably make one post per Week, and will probably embellish a lot of the gameplay. The game is quick and easy to get into, but there's a lot of things going on that can make or break a candidacy.
He's got my vote. Or votes if necessary. Grog approves this message.
I'm starting a Super PAC for Grog! Our country needs this kind of dictator leader.
Btw, I think they have Hillary's credibility rated a little high. ;)
Thank goodness you crossed out 'human sacrifice'! I'm not sure that would be applicable against Clinton. >:D
Also, thank goodness you're doing this AAR, so that I can concentrate on other things. O0 (I've played this game every election season for years, and was thinking of doing an AAR this time.)
The Groginati support this message.
Week 1 (of 26)
In Week One, GROG THE CONQUEROR begins his journey to overlordship in his home state of Maine. Having been raised on a steady diet of beer, hockey, and maple syrup, and mixed with the tedium of long winters and f*ck-all to do in Maine during the year, GROG has had the perfect fuel to power his younger years, growing strong in body and mind. Whether reading classic tales of dominance by world-famous conquerors such as Jackie Collins and Peter North, GROG has learned all there is to learn.
He merely had to step into the Republican nomination convention and like an Alpha male, proceed to urinate upon everything in sight, marking it as GROGs territory (as Grogs are known to do from time to time). The rest of the story is somewhat vague, especially the part revolving around what happened to the other Republican nominees. There is one rumor, though, that GROG THE CONQUEROR keeps the skulls of his vanquished opponents on his private jet, Valhalla .45 Megadeth.
Okay, okay. On with it.
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2F2016-02-06_00020_1.jpg&hash=fccbffb23d5184737bf01a80edda35a7a8e1a5ef)
GROG begins in his home state of Maine, where he enjoys only a slight lead over the Democrats. This does not please GROG. Not at all. So he spends some of his Stamina to build an HQ building.
There are three HQ buildings that can be constructed. Each side can only have one in any single state. If you want another type in that state after you've already built one, you have to demolish it and build a brand new one.
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2F2016-02-06_00023.jpg&hash=33894fea921e89ba0b65603aef8a5df664380260)
The first is a Campaign Headquarters. These are built to bring in a steady stream of cash to your Campaign. You can also Fundraise in states you visit, with varying results based on your popularity and the state's wealth also, but that's only when you're willing to spend some stamina to do so. These structures automatically sink cash into your fundage every turn.
The second is a Consulting Office. It generates political capital each turn, which is a certain number of points. You can then use these points to hire Operatives, like a speech writer, fashion consultant, or less above-the-board individuals, to help your Campaign.
The third and final building is an Outreach Center. These generate PR Clout, which is used to secure Endorsements from powerful groups.
In his home state of Maine, GROG automatically has a Campaign Headquarters. The state is pretty small potatoes when it comes to electoral votes, so GROG decides to fly to the lion's (lie-ons?) den, New York.
There, GROG orders the construction of a Campaign Headquarters. This will secure a minor presence in a Democrat-dominated state. He can always return later to try to undermine her evil presence.
GROG then surveys all the states remaining. He notes that most run red with the blood of his enemies, and this is good. These are states leaning towards electing him, but they might not stay that way.
He notices an opportunity down south...in Texas. The state usually votes Republican, but it's showing currently as being undecided. GROG THE CONQUEROR cannot abide this, and flies in to discuss the matter with the locals.
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2F2016-02-06_00026.jpg&hash=4dbfb881a46592761a91ed92dd7291a1dcf908ef)
See? SEE?
Upon landing, the state immediately turns red. Perhaps from embarrassment of not embracing their future lord. Perhaps because they sacrificed their enemies upon their steer-horned Cadillacs.
To help cement his rule here, GROG orders the construction of an Outreach Center. This gives him PR, and also helps raise awareness for his cause. Upgrading this in the future will cost a lot of money, but will increase awareness in the state, and even the region if upgraded again.
Now, GROG is tired. GROG has finished doing what he can, and notes that Hillary the Aged has stayed in New York, She must fear GROG's almighty sword. Yeah, that has to be it - she doesn't like swords. Probably why Bill had to use his on an intern.
GROG RESTS.
This is kind of like Presidential Total War. I like it. By the way BC, what's Grog's position on free Viagra for Grogheads?
That we don't need it, and so there is no need to spend the people's money on it when we could all have swords instead?
Go Grog!
Why choose the lesser evil? Choose Grog!
Grog who can fight for the wimmin, just like the Hell Spawn he is campaigning against. Hell Spawn does not like Swords!
Issues, smissues. What is GROG's position on bacon?
One must always consider the demographic.
I'll definitely get back to this as soon as I can.
And GROG THE CONQUEROR will field any and all questions.
Hi GROG,
Mirth here. Where is my TV remote?
Thx!
Hi GROG,
Are there questions you would consider not answering?
...oh, crap, wargamer's old emote cluster is gone! um... imagine a smiley throwing up here, I guess.
Followup question,
where did the smilies get moved to?
Thx!
Quote from: Sir Slash on February 06, 2016, 11:08:33 PM
what's Grog's position on free Viagra for Grogheads?
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2FGTC.jpg&hash=e8638ca2de66dd6f58406067f091f73b5b45c279)
GROG THE CONQUEROR DESIRES A PILL FOR EVERY POT-BELLIED COUCH POTATO ON THESE BOARDS. PLUS FEMALES OF APPROPRIATE BREEDING AGE TO ENSURE THE GROGLINETM IS CONTINUED FORTHWITH AND GENERATIONS OF NERDS TO CONTINUE TO PLAY GAMES AND CARRY ON THE PUN TRADITIONS.
PUNS AMUSE GROG GREATLY.
Quote from: JasonPratt on February 07, 2016, 08:51:58 AM
so there is no need to spend the people's money on it when we could all have swords instead?
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2FGTC.jpg&hash=e8638ca2de66dd6f58406067f091f73b5b45c279)
GROG THE CONQUEROR DESIRES THAT A NATIONAL SYSTEM OF BLACKSMITHS BE CREATED TO TEACH THE LOST ARTS OF SWORD FORGING, VIKING HELMET MANUFACTURING, AND 80s METAL MUSIC VIDEO MONTAGES ACCOMPANYING SAME.
GROG SHALL GET FUNDS FROM STUPID THINGS CURRENT GOVERNMENT SPENDS MONEY ON. SIXTEEN TO TWENTY MILLION US DOLLARS SPENT BY OBAMA ON INDONESIAN PEOPLE GETTING MASTERS DEGREES? THIRTY MILLION TO PAKISTAN SO THEIR FARMERS CAN GROW MORE MANGOS?
MANGOS ARE FRUIT OF LIBERAL-DEMOCRAT AGENDA. MANGOS MUST BE DESTROYED. AND LIBERALS.
DESTROYING THINGS AMUSES GROG GREATLY.
Quote from: airboy on February 18, 2016, 09:47:59 PM
Go Grog!
Why choose the lesser evil? Choose Grog!
Grog who can fight for the wimmin, just like the Hell Spawn he is campaigning against. Hell Spawn does not like Swords!
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2FGTC.jpg&hash=e8638ca2de66dd6f58406067f091f73b5b45c279)
GROG WISHES TO MAKE YOU SECRETARY OF SWORDS WHEN ELECTED.
ARBITRARY REWARDING OF IMPORTANT GOVERNMENT POSITIONS AMUSES GROG GREATLY.
Quote from: DoctorQuest on February 21, 2016, 03:49:21 AM
What is GROG's position on bacon?
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2FGTC.jpg&hash=e8638ca2de66dd6f58406067f091f73b5b45c279)
GROG THE CONQUEROR DESIRES GOVERNMENT SUBSIDY FOR FREE BACON NATIONWIDE.
THIS IS FOUR-BILLION-DOLLAR INDUSTRY. HOW WILL GROG PAY FOR THIS BOUNTY?
EASILY.
$800,000 FOR GENITAL WASHING PROGRAM IN SOUTH AFRICA. THAT'S $800,000 FOR FREE BACON RIGHT THERE. $440,000 FOR STUDY OF MALE PROSTITUTES IN VIETNAM. GROG CERTAIN GROG CAN CUT COSTS IN GOVERNMENT. AND CUT BUREAUCRATS IN HALF WITH SWORD, SAVING SALARY AND BENEFITS EXPENSES TO BOOT.
CUTTING THINGS IN HALF AMUSES GROG GREATLY.
Quote from: mirth on February 23, 2016, 09:40:00 PM
Mirth here. Where is my TV remote?
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2FGTC.jpg&hash=e8638ca2de66dd6f58406067f091f73b5b45c279)
GROG THE CONQUEROR DESIRES YOU CHECK BACKDOOR ORIFICE.
YOUR MONDAY NIGHT HIJINKS INVOLVING GARDEN GNOMES, GALLON OF VASELINE, FIFTH OF JACK DANIELS, AND CAST OF COMMUNITY THEATER DOING LOCAL PRODUCTION OF 'GLEE' UNFORTUNATELY SPILLED OUT OF SAFE ROOM AND INTO LIVING ROOM. THIS DIRECT RESULT OF MIRTH NOT HAVING SAFE WORD AND INSERTING OF EVERYDAY OBJECTS INTO PLACES THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO GO. UNLIKE SWORDS. ALSO NO PLASTIC SHEETS ON WALLS AND FLOOR IN LIVING ROOM.
PLASTIC SHEETS AMUSE GROG GREATLY. HELP WITH SWORD MESS.
Quote from: Banzai_Cat on February 24, 2016, 08:53:05 AM
Quote from: mirth on February 23, 2016, 09:40:00 PM
Mirth here. Where is my TV remote?
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2FGTC.jpg&hash=e8638ca2de66dd6f58406067f091f73b5b45c279)
GROG THE CONQUEROR DESIRES YOU CHECK BACKDOOR ORIFICE.
Lucky guess.
Quote from: JasonPratt on February 23, 2016, 09:48:34 PM
Are there questions you would consider not answering?
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2FGTC.jpg&hash=e8638ca2de66dd6f58406067f091f73b5b45c279)
NO.
SAYING NO AMUSES GROG GREATLY.Quote from: JasonPratt on February 23, 2016, 09:48:34 PM
imagine a smiley throwing up here, I guess.
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2FGTC.jpg&hash=e8638ca2de66dd6f58406067f091f73b5b45c279)
NO.
IMAGINING DOES NOT AMUSE GROG AT ALL. GROG NOT WASTE TIME DAYDREAMING.
GROG DOER. DOING AMUSES GROG GREATLY.Quote from: JasonPratt on February 23, 2016, 09:48:34 PM
where did the smilies get moved to?
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2FGTC.jpg&hash=e8638ca2de66dd6f58406067f091f73b5b45c279)
GROG THE CONQUEROR THINKS THEY ARE BURIED IN JASONPRATT'S LAST 9,000-WORD POST DESCRIBING THE POLITICS OF HONEY PRODUCTION IN SOUTHWEST IOWA COUNTIES WHEN RESPONDING TO QUESTION ABOUT GALACTIC CIVILIZATIONS III.
GROG THINKS JASONPRATT MAKE GOOD PRESS SECRETARY. PUT MEDIA TO SLEEP. HYPNOTIZE THEM WITH BULLS%&T.
BULLS%&T AMUSES GROG GREATLY. YOU MAY LIVE.
Quote from: Banzai_Cat on February 24, 2016, 08:48:57 AM
Quote from: DoctorQuest on February 21, 2016, 03:49:21 AM
What is GROG's position on bacon?
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2FGTC.jpg&hash=e8638ca2de66dd6f58406067f091f73b5b45c279)
GROG THE CONQUEROR DESIRES GOVERNMENT SUBSIDY FOR FREE BACON NATIONWIDE.
THIS IS FOUR-BILLION-DOLLAR INDUSTRY. HOW WILL GROG PAY FOR THIS BOUNTY?
EASILY.
$800,000 FOR GENITAL WASHING PROGRAM IN SOUTH AFRICA. THAT'S $800,000 FOR FREE BACON RIGHT THERE. $440,000 FOR STUDY OF MALE PROSTITUTES IN VIETNAM. GROG CERTAIN GROG CAN CUT COSTS IN GOVERNMENT. AND CUT BUREAUCRATS IN HALF WITH SWORD, SAVING SALARY AND BENEFITS EXPENSES TO BOOT.
CUTTING THINGS IN HALF AMUSES GROG GREATLY.
Me want be Secretary of Bacon. Me promise complete transparency regarding pork barrels. Me want build big smoke pit behind Capitol Building.
Unfortunately, The Political Machine chose to eat my save game file. Either that, or his Campaign Manager is an idiot.
However, he has figured out how to save games now. :-[
So I had to restart the game. Fortunately, TPM keeps characters you create, so GROG THE CONQUEROR exists exactly as he did the day I created him. :)
In any case, it was a simple matter of restarting the game and picking the exact same settings. Only thing is, the game randomizes support, though not greatly I don't think. This map may look a little different than its predecessor on the preceding page.
Now that I know what the hell I'm doing, let's continue this little jaunt.
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Week 2 of 26
The C*nt Liberal Idiot Nefarious Trickster Ogress Nincompoop, otherwise known as CLINTON (as labeled in the GROG THE CONQUEROR unsanctioned and unofficial web pages...allegedly) kicks things off with a visit to Michigan.
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2F627.jpg&hash=7f8a540084b5d9ab4080bf9b28ed66a323d37cc4)
The hippie do-gooders there are all happy at her visit (see the smiley face?), giving her an Awareness boost in the state. GROG THE CONQUEROR's advisers tell him that the population of Michigan dropped mysteriously by approximately 100 infants the day of her and her entourage's arrival there.
(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/GMExiv8W-KE/maxresdefault.jpg)
Pictured: Hillary shedding her skin before the Dinner Neonatal Consumption (DNC) fest.*
*allegedly
Next, CLINTON heads for California, known for its democrats and dearth of democracy. She's right at home there, garnering even more support for the state that shall eventually slide into the Pacific Ocean.
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2F628.jpg&hash=451e21e70057c81eacdfde64208e76e6ad0ffb46)
Finally, she heads to a sludgy, slimy, pollution-filled land where it is assumed she will nest to lay her eggs for the next generation of Clintons, all to the music of Bon Jovi, whom is worshiped for his ability to "rock" and do a duck face.
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F40.media.tumblr.com%2Ftumblr_m2yp9xi1CD1qlhqyjo1_250.jpg&hash=ec6d7e7ac64afc794ede6173751f0e057beca2c3)
Where is this paradise, you may ask?
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2F629.jpg&hash=d441b467dc2bb9a2e69ab1efbd1fe94e2c8cc4ea)
It happens to be New Jersey. GROG THE CONQUEROR will ensure New Jersey becomes a giant prison state where all the guidos, douchebags, and political criminals will liv...
Oh, wait. Nevermind. GROG will keep things as they are. Carry on.
GROG THE CONQUEROR'S TO DO LIST
☐ MAKE MUCH SPEECHING IN TEXAS
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2F630.jpg&hash=ef500422af79d3c2bc57dd49cbcc06f979a688bc)
Speechifyin' boosts Awareness in the state you're in. GROG is in a bastion of Republicanism and the state is neutral-colored, so a little push in the right direction should help matters greatly.
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2F631.jpg&hash=2da21e3f140ac45305dbabaeacc19c6bb8862f68)
GROG can choose from several topics (including Gun Control and Gay Marriage), and can choose his stance on it too (Favor, Oppose) or go so far as to say that their opponent either opposes or favors such a thing.
Of course, it's best to pander to the crowd, especially if you're in a state that's hostile. There are 'safe' choices, however.
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2F631a.jpg&hash=2c0923a6fc5d3df7c03617eeb88ec067693c07bb)
This one really isn't safe. If GROG chooses 'Gun Control' as his speech topic, his Democrat appeal will drop, but his appeal to Independent and Republican voters both will increase. Typical.
This choice is much safer. GROG wishes to raise his appeal across the board, and since Texas is colored neutral (but leaning Republican), it's best to garner as much support as he can.
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2F632.jpg&hash=3bf91276aa15991e01e75b3bbfda60aaff50a406)
Note that all three Party types support this choice.
Of course they do. It would be un-American to do otherwise. (https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femoticons%2F4th-july%2Fsmiley-waving-us-flag.gif&hash=1a5226482292aeb8df0f55db06def8fc40846481)
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2F633.jpg&hash=5e63adefcb6108a5644dc716d4b816a343bbae85)
GROG's advisers find that his speech on FIGHTING ISIS was a big success, causing Texas to slip officially into the Republican camp.
An excerpt from his speech can be found here:
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GROG THE CONQUEROR DESIRES TO FIGHT ISIS.
THE VERY FUTURE OF AMERICA AND SHEEP VIRGINITY WORLDWIDE HINGES ON OUR SUCCESS IN UTTERLY OBLITERATING ISIS. WE SHALL BOMB THEM WITH MOABs, BURY THEM IN THE CRATERS, AND SALT THE EARTH WITH THEIR CRUSHED BONES. WE WILL USE THEIR LIVERS AS PÂTÉ IN OUR WHITE HOUSE STATE DINNERS AND COMMISSION THE WARRIOR GHOSTS OF GG ALLIN, LEMMY, AND DIMEBAG TO CREATE BEST, LOUDEST, MOST OBNOXIOUS METAL ALBUM EVER COMMEMORATING THE EVENT.
OBNOXIOUS METAL AMUSES GROG GREATLY.
☐ TRAVEL TO CALIFORNIA. TEACH CALIFORNIA ERROR OF ITS WAYS.
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GROG THE CONQUEROR takes his tricked-out 747 (on loan from Iron Maiden) to California to plant the seeds of Republicanism in the land of fruits and nuts.
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Pictured: GROG's Flying Fortress. So awesome, he doesn't even change the paint scheme. 'World Tour' may apply once GROG wins anyway...
GROG decides to build an OUTREACH CENTER here. This will gain slow but steady support from special interest groups.
Special interest groups may have their own special interests, and GROG may have to play ball with these fools, but ultimately GROG has his own 'special interests' in mind.*
*This may or may not include Soylent Green.
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At the end of Week 2, we see widespread support for GROG, but the states don't hold a lot of weight individually. The real prizes are New York and California; he will almost certainly have to conqe...errr, win over the people in at least one of them to secure the White House.*
*Soon to be renamed the PALACE OF LIBERAL TEARS AND AWESOMENESS.
Considering I taught swordfighting for over ten years, I am entirely willing to duel Airboy for the post of Secretary of Swords.
<-- see also: the razorsharp katana with the pommel that sheds my own blood when wielded, ensuring my precision and speed of operation.
Failing that, I will be glad to accept the post of press secretary, since my corpse will make an excellent object lesson and eloquently present the heart of GROG'S intentions in less than 9000 words. Whether I can hypnotize the press pool this way will depend no doubt on how effective GROG is with this Book of Souls he previously mentioned.
Being an archlich would have its drawbacks, but would be more useful as a press secretary than as, for example, the Secretary of Swords.
(Going off to nominate this thread for AAR of 2016, in case Airboy gets too lucky in the duel...)
Will Grog the Conqueror be releasing his complete Income Tax returns and or his Health Record?
It turns out that GROG dated my sister in the mid-90s. Would he care to comment on that? Admittedly, she's stone-cold crazy so he may not want to antagonize her.
Our local paper just dug up papers that show Grog was born in "French Canada".... what's his position on that?!? ???
Quote from: DoctorQuest on February 24, 2016, 11:25:12 AM
Quote from: Banzai_Cat on February 24, 2016, 08:48:57 AM
Quote from: DoctorQuest on February 21, 2016, 03:49:21 AM
What is GROG's position on bacon?
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GROG THE CONQUEROR DESIRES GOVERNMENT SUBSIDY FOR FREE BACON NATIONWIDE.
THIS IS FOUR-BILLION-DOLLAR INDUSTRY. HOW WILL GROG PAY FOR THIS BOUNTY?
EASILY.
$800,000 FOR GENITAL WASHING PROGRAM IN SOUTH AFRICA. THAT'S $800,000 FOR FREE BACON RIGHT THERE. $440,000 FOR STUDY OF MALE PROSTITUTES IN VIETNAM. GROG CERTAIN GROG CAN CUT COSTS IN GOVERNMENT. AND CUT BUREAUCRATS IN HALF WITH SWORD, SAVING SALARY AND BENEFITS EXPENSES TO BOOT.
CUTTING THINGS IN HALF AMUSES GROG GREATLY.
Me want be Secretary of Bacon. Me promise complete transparency regarding pork barrels. Me want build big smoke pit behind Capitol Building.
Pfft! I'll turn the Capitol Building into a giant smoke pit. I'd use those that occupy that building as fuel, but I'm afraid they would ruin the meat.
Quote from: JasonPratt on February 24, 2016, 08:07:50 PM
Considering I taught swordfighting for over ten years, I am entirely willing to duel Airboy for the post of Secretary of Swords.
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GROG WISHES TO ALLOW YOU TO DUEL FOR THIS POSITION, AND SELL THE RIGHTS ON PAY-PER-VIEW TO HELP FUND GROG'S PAC MAN EATING MACHINE OF POLITICAL PONTIFICATION.
PONTIFICATION AMUSES GROG GREATLY.Quote from: JasonPratt on February 24, 2016, 08:07:50 PM
Failing that, I will be glad to accept the post of press secretary, since my corpse will make an excellent object lesson and eloquently present the heart of GROG'S intentions in less than 9000 words. Whether I can hypnotize the press pool this way will depend no doubt on how effective GROG is with this Book of Souls he previously mentioned.
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GROG PREFERS YOU TO BE PRESS SECRETARY WHETHER YOU WIN OR NOT. JASONPRATT'S B&*LSHIT ABILITY CAN BE FEARED LIKE THE MONGOL HORDES, CAUSING MEDIA MORONS TO FLEE IN ABJECT TERROR, OR AT LEAST, IN A MILD, CLOUDY CONFUSION-HAZE.
IMAGINE POSSIBILITIES IF JASONPRATT DIES. AS DEAD MAN HE NEEDS NO REST AND CAN ENDLESSLY POST EVERYWHERE AND AT ALL TIMES. MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
GROG THINKS CLOUDS ARE PRETTY.
Quote from: Sir Slash on February 25, 2016, 11:37:57 AM
Will Grog the Conqueror be releasing his complete Income Tax returns and or his Health Record?
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GROG WISHES TO ADDRESS THIS RIGHT NOW. GROG MAKE BEAUCOUP IN VARIOUS BUSINESS ENDEAVORS ACROSS GLOBE.(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr624%2FMichaelE6%2FGtCreturn.jpg&hash=80e6f3a69eebd38fb2d7d58f884307a7b27d1f19)
^That's the kind of transparency from a candidate that I really admire.
Still no birth certificate....? ???
Quote from: Barthheart on February 25, 2016, 11:54:59 AM
Our local paper just dug up papers that show Grog was born in "French Canada".... what's his position on that?!? ???
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HERE IS PROOF OF GROG'S BIRTH.
GROG IS RIGHT HERE.
What is Grog's position on global warming?
Cheers,
CC