Sometimes for no apparent reason at all, I have a flashback to some random memory. The other day, I recalled one of my absolute most embarrassing moments of ignorance.
So, its 1995 and I'm leaving for boot camp in a matter of days. Thinking I'm already half way to being a Marine, I strut around the local mall like a bada$$. About a day prior, I had changed my digital watch from 12-hour to 24-hour time, so that I could get my mind used to it. As I round a corner, two of the most smoking hot girls I have ever seen approach me and politely ask me for the time. Wanting to be of eager service, I say, "Of course!" I look at my watch, see some foreign double digit number and my mind goes completely blank. In the next few moments (which felt like hours) I stare at my watch unable to decipher the intricate new code. By now, panic has totally set in and my mind has officially shutdown. So, I apologized and politely changed my mind, "No...you can't have the time."
...and I shamefully walked away from two really hot girls who were extremely befuddled.
You guys have any similar stories?
I try to blank that shit out of my head... yet it still pops-up.
Lots of stupid "oh shit" moments with women who could have been lovers, but I was too dumb to recognize what was happening and therefore missed an opportunity. Nothing particularly entertaining comes to mind at the moment.
^amen brother - been there, done that, forgot to buy the tee shirt. I could fill a book with red-faced moments.
On 40Cents theme, the girl I loved all through junior high and high school, who always shot down my advances, invited me over to her place one night in college after I broke up with my girlfriend at the time. Ironically this was also around 1995 and she was still awesome back then (as opposed to now but that's a story for another day).
We went out to dinner and had a great time as always and then she invited me up to her apartment. I didn't really think anything of it because by then I was used to hanging out with her platonically (SP?)
We watched some TV and some Saturday Night Live while lying next to each other on the floor on some blankets and pillows. It was past midnight and I had worked a long day before I met her and I remember literally getting up from lying next to her, yawning and stretching, and then telling her I was exhausted and had to go.
I didn't think anything of it until literally like last year when my best friend (who was my best friend at the time in 1995 also) said to me "Yeah you totally screwed that up. She was ready to f*ck your brains out and you left."
I gave him the stare :/ He knew all about it at the time and did not say a word to me that she was on the prowl and that [finally] I was the bait! Fucker. For all those years I didn't even think about that evening because I was so used to treating her as just a bud.
So, shame on me for not being more aggressive in 1995 but SHAME ON MY BRO for not even hinting it to me before I went in. Total stupidity on both our parts.
To make up for it the gal married a fat idiot, is addicted to about a dozen drugs now and weighs over 200 pounds. So that makes me feel a bit better. But in 1995 she still was my dream girl, before I met who would become The Wife.
So...dumb stuff abounded.
Mine is so dumb I'd really rather not get into detail. I cringe every time I think of it.
Let's just say it had to do with being young and sexually naive to the extreme.
Mine was in my local pub to watch a very important Scotland game when my mate Craw brought in "blind" Martin to enjoy the atmosphere. Craw sits him down and I shout out "Fer f**ks sake Craw how is he going to see the TV from there?"
"He is blind Puss, yah f**king idiot".
Right after I graduated high school, I attended an alumni association dinner to receive one of the scholarships they presented that year. I was seated with a few others from my graduating class, one of which happened to be the girl everyone thought of as the 'hot girl'. I hadn't been part of her social circle for most of high school, but we had become something in the way of friends over senior year.
During dinner I chatted her up, told some jokes, tried my best to be charming and it was kinda working. I was pretty nervous though and the whole time I was talking to her I was also playing around with one of the little coffee creamers at the table. Inevitably I squeezed the thing too hard, it popped open and sprayed cream all over her and the lovely dress she was wearing. She was good natured about it, but it goes without saying that ended any chance I had to score points with her. And the metaphor of the popping creamer was just delightful.
working with a really pretty client the other week, she was complaining of a tight chest and difficulty breathing - we were walking on a pier in Capetown - and i helpfully suggested that 'id heard that of southern hemisphere places, something to do with being so high above sea level' , bless her, at least she was polite enough to just look down at the sea 3ft below us and blink at me
There is no way that I've only had one "dumbest" moment, so I may be a multiple contributor on this thread 8)
As much as I appreciate (adore, worship) the female form, I try to not be the drooling, staring neanderthal that I really am on the inside...in other words, I do my best to hide my base (or debased) nature when it comes to the opposite sex. I think that's called civilization or something. Anyway.... an employee of mine had a really, really hot wife who was built to rival any male's fantasies (how this homely dude landed her I will never know). She was very pleasing eye candy and would often stop by to pick him up for lunch. We would engage in small talk while she waited, and usually she had their baby in arms. One day, during that small talk my eyes had been wandering more than they should have been. She said....something or other....and intending to compliment her on her baby, I said that "he has a really, really nice set......(and now the panic sets in as I realize what I've said)......OF EYES".
She smiled, looked down and giggled a little. I knew I was busted and turned red in my very best Irish manner. We both knew whose "set" of what I was referring to.
Quote from: The Puss on May 24, 2012, 03:45:18 PM
Mine was in my local pub to watch a very important Scotland game when my mate Craw brought in "blind" Martin to enjoy the atmosphere. Craw sits him down and I shout out "Fer f**ks sake Craw how is he going to see the TV from there?"
"He is blind Puss, yah f**king idiot".
LOL!
I've have so many dumb moments to choose from, that I'd be hard-pressed to decide which was the dumbest. Most of them make me cringe every time I think of them, though. For me, it's humiliating/mortifying beyond belief to even contemplate most of them.
I will say this, though: Jarhead, if that's honestly about the dumbest moment you've ever had, then I envy you so very much!
My most stupid moment was when we were playing an outdoor gig in a neighbouring town and things were going extremely well. We had a buddy from a pro/full-time band with a massive PA doing our sound, we had all kinds of lights set-up on stand-alone risers and it was just going perfect! We started playing She Sells Sanctuary by the Cult and it was just sounding massive!! All these cute chicks were up close to the stage- so I was out front smiling at them while playing my hot pink Fernandez super strat guitar - I was truly living the the dream. I jumped back from the front of the stage and do this twirl just before my solo run comes in - I then proceed to play the run only to find out halfway through my guitar had come unplugged during my acrobatics. As I ran back to grab my guitar cord, I tripped over my pedal board and crashed head first into the keyboards. The rest of the guys are just standing there looking at me and shaking their heads. We had to stop the song, untangle me and re-arrange the keyboards - while half-drunk guys in the audience are shouting slurs about the idiot with the faggot guitar.
I went from hero to zero in approx 2 seconds - very humbling to say the least! :(
Quote from: MIGMaster on May 25, 2012, 08:49:42 AM
My most stupid moment was when we were playing an outdoor gig in a neighbouring town and things were going extremely well. We had a buddy from a pro/full-time band with a massive PA doing our sound, we had all kinds of lights set-up on stand-alone risers and it was just going perfect! We started playing She Sells Sanctuary by the Cult and it was just sounding massive!! All these cute chicks were up close to the stage- so I was out front smiling at them while playing my hot pink Fernandez super strat guitar - I was truly living the the dream. I jumped back from the front of the stage and do this twirl just before my solo run comes in - I then proceed to play the run only to find out halfway through my guitar had come unplugged during my acrobatics. As I ran back to grab my guitar cord, I tripped over my pedal board and crashed head first into the keyboards. The rest of the guys are just standing there looking at me and shaking their heads. We had to stop the song, untangle me and re-arrange the keyboards - while half-drunk guys in the audience are shouting slurs about the idiot with the faggot guitar.
I went from hero to zero in approx 2 seconds - very humbling to say the least! :(
Ouch!
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi490.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Frr267%2Fajakajason3%2Fepic-fail.jpg&hash=f9511553eb1219b2c4bec16435d3c588478ff9c6)
^Funny Migs if that happened to me it would be one of my best memories :) My #2 dream of all time is to be in a band!
During the early months of my freshman year -- at an extraordinarily progressive college -- I fell behind in a class that was reading A Streetcar Named Desire. I was unfamiliar with the play, and largely glommed over critical parts toward the end. So when we began the discussion, I was more than a little surprised at the near uniform looks of horror when I suggested that Blanche had kind of asked for it.
You see, the detail I had missed was Stanley's rape of Blanche.
Needless to say, my invitation to the Militant Unshaven Feminist Front rally was promptly rescinded.
(next week, we'll revisit my pantless walk of shame down a street of that same university, The Night of Fog and Blades. . . and Xmas Tress; my solo and entirely inappropriate ambush of 2nd Platoon during my one and only FTX, and some of the unforseen consequences of wearing a bald cap prior to running for class president in 8th grade.)
during my studies i was a little low on money. i had to go to the central building for some administration stuff. before the appointment i went to the restroom and found there a packet of asian money. the lesser part of me took it, went to the appointment and out of the building.
standing in front of the main entrance i finally got a moment to think about i was ashamed. luckily i saw an older asian couple standing nearby and i run to them and gave them the money. instead of taking it the guy tried to explain something, i tried to explain something and it got more and more embarassing. finally this asian friendliness got me angry and i forced the money in their hand and walked back into the building.
well... there i saw a young asian exchange student and i instantly knew that i took the money of this poor guy and did an inverse robin hood and gave it to a an older tourist couple. what a jerk i was.
afterwards i found out it was yen worth around 400 dollars!!!
two years later i made the final exam. when we git the results we went on a drinking spree. when i stumbled home i passed by a street musician hobo. thankfull for life i decided to empty my pockets and give him what i had with me. it was a lot but i woke him and gave it to him. he was instantly awake and thanked me twice and offered to play some songs. i denied and said i had to sleep. i went two doors down and into my appartment. while changing clothes i realized that the musician took it as a duty to sing for me anyway. so he stood before my windows shouting cumbaya mylords and other such songs half past three in the morning. i didn't knew what to do, i thought telling him to shut up would be extremely unfriendly. i tried to sleep but it took me sometime and i feared that soon all of my neighbourhood would be awake and i had to explain the situation...
I was about 18 or 19 and worked as a metallurigal technician in the lab of steel mill. No computers back then so all the test results were worked out on a slide rule and plotted on to graphpaper and then passed to be typed in the old fashioned way.
We had just had a new lass started who was drop-dead gorgeous and had a terrific figure, and naturally, we all fancied her like mad. One day it was me plotting the graphs whilst the other 2 guys did the testing, and she came through to collect some work for typing, giving me chance to chat her up.
I asked what she was doing for lunch, and she said that she wanted a hot cornish pastie, but had no way of heating it up. I was quick off the mark because we had a bench furnace that we used for heating test samples to do elevated tensile tests, and we often used it to heat up pies and so on, which only took a few seconds.
Thinking I was doing well, she came in at lunch time and I popped her pastie into the furnace and powered up. Unforunately, and purely out of habit, I purged the furnace with inert gas, argon I think, which is what we did to prevent the sample from oxydising. When I opened the furnace, instead of her nice hot dinner, there was just a pyramid of ash.
I think she must have thought it was some sort of joke on my part, and nothing I could do would convince her that I was not a total plonker - she pretty much never spoke to me again - much to the delight of the other guys.
I was dating this girl in college. Things were getting serious - as in take me home to meet her parents. Well, the night before I went out with my roommates and proceeded to get blind, stinking drunk. I don't remember leaving the bar, but apparently I walked out the door with my hands in my coat pocket. I hit the curb - misjudged the height and landed face first in the middle of a busy road in the middle of downtown. Luckily there were no cars driving bye at the time or it could have been a lot worse. I awoke the next morning with this stinging pain on my face.
Going into the bathroom to check it out, I found a huge road gash on the left side of my face (bloody and painful). I think my first words were, 'Oh @#$%.' Needless to say she was pissed and her parents were not to sympathetic to my discomfort. She didn't stick around much longer after that.
Mine was more socially awkward than funny...
I used to work at a drug store/soda fountain when I was in high school. I was at the register one day, when this woman walks up with this package of things that look like Q-tips but on the end they have a larger pink sponge. The package says "Disposable Travel Toothbrushes with Pre-applied Toothpaste." So I look up with a big goofy grin and say, "Wow, I've never heard of these! I bet these are useful, I'm always wanting to brush my teeth after a meal out, but don't want to carry my toothbrush and toothpaste!" She gives me this stone cold look and says:
"We use these to brush the teeth of terminal patients."
I also have the story of the girl whose test I got a nosebleed on, only to find out years later she had a huge crush on me that surpassed even that flub-up (and me, oblivious, watched as she dated this total jerk who abused her). Or the girl who was dating this football dude literally placed my hands on her chest as an advance but me, confused and afraid of the football dude, chickened out.
^We'll need you to elaborate on the tittie thing.
Quote from: Gusington on May 29, 2012, 01:39:56 PM
^We'll need you to elaborate on the tittie thing.
It's pretty clear. Watching a movie with this girl who I held really like for about 2-3 years (younger sister of my best-friend's GF). I believe we were watching
The Craft, you know the one with Faruza Balk and Neve Campbell as witches, laying on the couch. She grabs my hands - places them without a word - and keeps on watching. I'm sure I "responded" physically but I didn't act. Later, I'm confused, frustrated, and kicking myself. In retrospect, sort of like your story, I think this falls into the Garth Brooks, "Sometimes I Thank God, For Unanswered Prayers," department. She seems relatively normal today, but her extended family is fairly insane and the breakup between my friend and her sister was like a nuclear explosion.
How do her boobies look presently?
Quote from: Gusington on May 29, 2012, 01:48:31 PM
How do her boobies look presently?
LOL, I wouldn't know. I haven't seen her, except via limited FB pics, in years.
^Well there's your new mission, if you choose to accept it.
does dedicating the same song to 2 different girls (who later compared notes) count?
^That counts in your running for GrogHeads' Most Pimpin'.
... surely it was the time 7 years into a bad marriage when I sadly (patheticly) realized what one of my best friends meant when he called me "pussy-whipped"
.... or maybe it was after ex #2 sent my glasses flying off my face for the 3rd time in as many days 2 years into our *cough* relationship
... or hell it could have been me signing a 1300 dollar a month payment plan for 42 months to convince my ex not to move back to Nova Scotia with my daughter
Those gentlemen ... are true dumb fuck moments ...
Hell now I can get laid now faster by more women than I can get a car loan
^Point well made, Windi. I also I have quite a few dumb moments related to an ex. The biggest was becoming involved with her at all. Unfortunately that moment ended up lasting 10 years!
A 10 year moment is a long damned time.
Quote from: Gusington on May 29, 2012, 08:37:18 PM
A 10 year moment is a long damned time.
mine lasted 14 years.... then 3 years later I did a 4 years stint of stupid .... Stupid is my virtual DEMIGAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank gawd I now have my SLCG .... equitable financial arrangements, great cooking and wine making and sex without training wheels - its a win all the way round....
so apparently stupid is cureable...or at least it goes into remission.
^Mine goes into remission periodically and rears its ugly head periodically, usually behind the wheel and coupled with it's brother, rage.
I am trying to keep them both under wraps indefinitely.
Quote from: Windigo on May 29, 2012, 10:25:06 PM
so apparently stupid is cureable...or at least it goes into remission.
LOL. I just found my new quote to take me into June!
My wife was kind enough to help me remember my dumbest moment. Ok, one of my dumbest moments. Ok, my most recent dumbest moment. Wives are really good at that.
I take an embarrassing number of meds a day due to being diabetic and some accompanying conditions. Occasionally my doctor will change a med and I often go through a few days of feeling "off" or drugged as my body adjusts. A few months ago I developed a "frozen shoulder" which hurt like a ....well, very bad thing.... and I was taking regular doses of OTC painkillers as I went through physical therapy to make it better.
Anyway. I came home from Walgreens with a fresh new bottle of Tylenol. First thing in the morning, it was coffee and two Tylenol to get my day started, then a couple at lunch time, then a couple at night. For a solid frackin' week, I complained to my wife how off-kilter I felt, how I felt drugged, how I wondered what was going on with my body now. On top of it all, my shoulder still ached like hell. I went to get two Tylenol when she stopped me. "Is THAT what you've been taking", she asked me? "Well, yeah" I said in my best "befuddled male" voice. She started laughing and couldn't stop, then apologized for laughing at me and started laughing all over again.
Tylenol.....PM. You know, the stuff that helps you sleep. I had been taking 6-8 of them a day for a week and hadn't realized it was the nighttime version. Hell, I didn't know there WAS a nighttime version. Yeah, that's me. Wile E. Coyote, super-genius.
LOL Steelie! I'm glad it didn't have an adverse effect, that stuff is insanity in a bottle.
But not as bad as Tylenol Cold and Sinus. That stuff is like Sodium Pentathol for me - I completely lose my brain to mouth inhibitors. Once, is a state of late-fall cold, I took some of that right before a meeting of my graduate level seminar. It's a wonder they didn't kick me out of grad school right then and there - if I thought it, then I likely said it!
Quote from: son_of_montfort on May 30, 2012, 11:18:53 PM
LOL Steelie! I'm glad it didn't have an adverse effect, that stuff is insanity in a bottle.
But not as bad as Tylenol Cold and Sinus. That stuff is like Sodium Pentathol for me - I completely lose my brain to mouth inhibitors. Once, is a state of late-fall cold, I took some of that right before a meeting of my graduate level seminar. It's a wonder they didn't kick me out of grad school right then and there - if I thought it, then I likely said it!
Yeah, brother. I agree about the Tylenol Cold and Sinus. I've discovered that pretty much any OTC med that says it "may" cause drowsiness WILL cause drowsiness with me, while some of the stronger prescription stuff doesn't affect me at all. I had an experience similar to what you are describing during a job interview many moons ago. I had a terrible cold and had taken something OTC that morning, I don't remember what. I gave answers in that interview that were simply absurd! Worse yet, it was almost an out of body experience where I knew what a train wreck I was in but couldn't stop it. I'm surprised I wasn't escorted out of the building 8)
AFA OTC cold/flu meds go, it's the antihistamines that get most people effed up. Look at the ingredients before buying. I actually never get any combo meds at all but buy each separately (usually generic to save $$) so I can control dosages myself. Look for the following:
First-Generation OTC Antihistamines
Brompheniramine (one brand name: Dimetapp Cold and Allergy Elixir)
Chlorpheniramine (one brand name: Chlor-Trimeton)
Dimenhydrinate (one brand name: Dramamine)
Diphenhydramine (two brand names: Benadryl Allergy, Nytol, Sominex) <------This one is the MOAB of all sleepytime OTC meds
Doxylamine (two brand names: Vicks NyQuil, Alka-Seltzer Plus Night-Time Cold Medicine)
Note that these are all older drugs and are often used in combos. Also watch out for Pseudoephedrine (You usually have to sign for it) and phenylephrine (the replacement for Pseudoephedrine since methlabs started using it to make Crank). These can make you shaky and raise your BP. Not good for job interviews either!
How about this one.
In grade school I had a friend Scott who was damn near totally deaf. He wore hearing aides, but they didn't do jack $hit. Anyway, I was once having a conversation with him and after I said something, he said, "huh?" I repeated myself and he replied, "what?" Giving this deaf moron the benefit of the doubt, I repeated myself, yet again and he replied, "huh?" In exasperation, I shouted, "What are you deaf?!?!" And right as I said that I felt terrible and wished I could take the words back...thankfully, he replied, "what?"
This time, I cut my losses and said, "never mind...."
Steelie at least you didn't take Midol by mistake...or on purpose. Whatever floats your boat.