Aww hell, they dragged Anthony Hopkins into this one >:(
Looks like another hot mess.
The Transformer movies are ones that I really want to like, but they just seem underwhelming. I think in no small part because I have trouble understanding what the Transformers are saying half the time.
I will give a big thumbs up to them for not making the military look like a bunch of incompetent dumbasses.
By comparison, the Transformers Prime series (which you can see on Netflix) is pretty great. The movies, not so much. Wish they'd get rid of JJ as director but considering this fifth film is probably going to earn 1.5 billion worldwide, I'm purrrrrty sure the studio was thinking why they should derail the money train now.
Optimus-Crime? :hide:
Quote from: Banzai_Cat on December 09, 2016, 01:16:19 PM
By comparison, the Transformers Prime series (which you can see on Netflix) is pretty great. The movies, not so much. Wish they'd get rid of JJ as director but considering this fifth film is probably going to earn 1.5 billion worldwide, I'm purrrrrty sure the studio was thinking why they should derail the money train now.
JJ? You can't blame Transformers on him. Those abominations are all Michael Bay.
Michael Bay, my bad. I'm getting my crap directors mixed up. :-\
Quote from: Banzai_Cat on December 09, 2016, 06:09:53 PM
Michael Bay, my bad. I'm getting my crap directors mixed up. :-\
Uwe Boll will be right over to kick your ass.
I've never seen any of these. Should I skip them all and go straight to the Netflix stuff?
Quote from: mirth on December 09, 2016, 03:54:00 PM
JJ? You can't blame Transformers on him. Those abominations are all Michael Bay.
Aren't they interchangeable. Maybe their one and the same. Has anyone seen them in the same place at the same time?
Quote from: Gusington on December 09, 2016, 10:06:19 PM
I've never seen any of these. Should I skip them all and go straight to the Netflix stuff?
If you've truly not seen any of the Transformers movies...yeah, you're not missing much. They're all basically bad drug trips of machine kaleidoscopic mayhem and confusion. If you grew up with the Transformers Saturday morning cartoon and the original Transformers: The Movie from 1986, this shite will ruin your childhood.
Go to Netflix and watch Transformers Prime (3 seasons), then Transformers Prime: Beast Hunters (Predacons Rising). The latter is a movie-length show that pretty much wraps up the three seasons in a satisfying yet sad manner. Then, there's Transformers: Robots In Disguise, which is another series that is pretty good, too. Those should give you a fix.
Quote from: Staggerwing on December 09, 2016, 09:20:35 PM
Quote from: Banzai_Cat on December 09, 2016, 06:09:53 PM
Michael Bay, my bad. I'm getting my crap directors mixed up. :-\
Uwe Boll will be right over to kick your ass.
:DD
Uwe has only made one watchable (relatively, anyway) movie: Rampage. It was twisted as hell and messed up, but I remember thinking, "how did Uwe put together something that makes sense?"
The first Transformer wasn't too bad but after that they're all no better than average-- and I'm trying to be kind. I hear in the next film, Catlin Jenner will take-over from Optimus Prime as the Ultimate Transformer. :-"
I did grow up with the animated show and when Bumblebee said 'shit' in the 1986 movie it rocked my 12 year old sensibilities. So...Netflix it is. Thanks all!
Quote from: Gusington on December 10, 2016, 01:50:30 PM
I did grow up with the animated show and when Bumblebee said 'shit' in the 1986 movie it rocked my 12 year old sensibilities. So...Netflix it is. Thanks all!
Errmm...that wasn't Bumblebee that said it. It was Spike. :nerd:
It was 30 years ago BRAH
But I remember it, broseph!
You get the Dork Crown for the Day. I shall win it back by nightfall.
Oh, goody. Let's see if all the boxes have been checked off...
1.) Bay's trademark gratuitous/pointless/redundant explosions? Check.
2.) Jerky camera work that both gives you motion sickness plus makes it impossible figure out what the f*** is going on? Check.
3.) It's revealed that Transformers have been around and influencing human history for longer and/or more profoundly than we realized? Check.
4.) Humanity once again has suffered a collective Aesop Amnesia regarding how important the Autobots are to helping protect Earth from the Decepticons (thus leading humanity to metaphorically kick Prime in the balls, causing him to say "screw this!" and leave us to our well-deserved fate)? Check.
5.) A lack of any other coherent plot point or storyline? Check.
6.) But hey, we'll "get" to see a bastardized version of Unicron. So that makes it all better. >:(
Quote from: Gusington on December 09, 2016, 10:06:19 PM
I've never seen any of these. Should I skip them all and go straight to the Netflix stuff?
Yes.
Quote from: Sir Slash on December 10, 2016, 01:12:17 PM
The first Transformer wasn't too bad but after that they're all no better than average-- and I'm trying to be kind.
I confess I actually enjoyed both the 1st and 3rd Michael Bay films (although I admittedly probably wouldn't have liked
Dark of the Moon nearly as much if Leonard Nimoy hadn't been in it). Not that either one would ever merit an award, of course (unless it was perhaps for special effects), but I was able to enjoy them for the fun, mindless popcorn flicks that they are.
On the other hand, the 2nd and 4th films were utter garbage,.
Revenge of the Fallen remains on my list of Top 10 Worst Movies of All Time, and possibly
Age of Extinction as well (it's certainly in my Top 25, at any rate). (https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aarcentral.com%2Fpics%2Fvomit.gif&hash=f8c0cec79f834c3558ced52ccf681c80fdf7c2e4)
I'd much rather sit through a marathon of the cheesy 80s Saturday morning cartoon than watch any of the Transformers movies again. After the last one, which we saw in theaters (hadn't seen any of the previous in theaters, only at home), I won't do it again.
Quote from: Martok on December 12, 2016, 02:18:24 AM
4.) Humanity once again has suffered a collective Aesop Amnesia regarding how important the Autobots are to helping protect Earth from the Decepticons (thus leading humanity to metaphorically kick Prime in the balls, causing him to say "screw this!" and leave us to our well-deserved fate)? Check.
Not that I blame you for blacking out part of the 4th movie, but Prime left on his own initiative to look for the creators of the Transformers. I suppose from the trailer they're going to a version of the plot from the original animated series, where the Pentathalons (or whatever they were) hack Prime's dead body and make it a zombie to attack the Autobots with -- but he overcomes and etc.
Quote from: Banzai_Cat on December 12, 2016, 07:38:20 AM
I'd much rather sit through a marathon of the cheesy 80s Saturday morning cartoon than watch any of the Transformers movies again. After the last one, which we saw in theaters (hadn't seen any of the previous in theaters, only at home), I won't do it again.
Agreed.
...And yet, I have this terrible feeling I'll end up watching this monstrosity anyway. Sigh.
Quote from: JasonPratt on December 12, 2016, 10:25:35 AM
Quote from: Martok on December 12, 2016, 02:18:24 AM
4.) Humanity once again has suffered a collective Aesop Amnesia regarding how important the Autobots are to helping protect Earth from the Decepticons (thus leading humanity to metaphorically kick Prime in the balls, causing him to say "screw this!" and leave us to our well-deserved fate)? Check.
Not that I blame you for blacking out part of the 4th movie, but Prime left on his own initiative to look for the creators of the Transformers.
Sorry, I should have made it clear that I was referring only to the first part about humanity undergoing a mass Aesop Amnesia. I'm well aware that's not what really drove Prime to leave.
I'm thinking of a Kickstarter to fund Michael Bay never making another movie
Here's my issues with the Bay movies.
1) for movies about giant fucking robots there's a hell of a lot of people getting screen time. I'm going to a movie to see giant fucking robots, I could give a rats ass about Shia labouf or Megan Fox's posterior.
2) he's killed off so many of them we're down to the no names / 1 shotters. And don't get me started that they've brought Megatron back what 4 times now but all the originals are dead.
I actually appreciated the 4th movie a little more in that it did give the robots more screen time and John Goodman as hound's voice was perfect.
I agree with the consensus though that these are shit movies. I can't even use the excuse that they are fun popcorn films (like the fast and furious series) because they aren't even that.
I've always contended that if all three of the original trilogy (maybe also the fourth) had been about the spec ops team (basically GI Joe), let's say with Megan Fox as the daughter of the team leader in a situation somewhat like in Armageddon, and then for the first movie a B plot that involved the President and the Australian hacker model (minus the cringey attempts at black humor), the films would have improved substantially.
Basically eliminate the Whitwicky plot(s). More time for the robots proportionately, too.
Even on that strategy, the Transformers themselves (the title freaking characters) needed more characterization work. But I'd be willing to cede the general lack of characterization in the first movie so far as it approached the topic from GIJoe(ish) meets alien robots. They're alien. Takes time to get to know them.
So apparently Prime is now being mind-controlled? Maybe? ::) :buck2:
The only thing I ever found good about the Transformer movies was that they made the military look competent and not like a bunch of morons. Other than that, I've never been a big fan of them.
I've never wanted to see a movie less.
Transformers: The Last Transformers Movie. That I'd go see.
Quote from: Sir Slash on April 12, 2017, 12:20:56 PM
Transformers: The Last Transformers Movie. That I'd go see.
+1
Bay has already talked about (up to?) 14 other ideas being considered for future Transformer movies.
I doubt that means they're actually planning them -- they're just spitballing how to milk the cash cow further.
Quote from: JasonPratt on April 17, 2017, 11:04:46 AM
Bay has already talked about (up to?) 14 other ideas being considered for future Transformer movies.
I doubt that means they're actually planning them -- they're just spitballing how to milk the cash cow further before everyone burns out on the franchise.
FTFY
Seriously, it's only a matter of time -- especially as long as Bay remains at the helm. >:(
And so... the burnout begins:
The first one was pretty good, but downhill ever since. L:-)
How many times can the Autobots get screwed over by us humans before they squash us like the ungrateful bugs we are?
At least Shia wasn't in the last one, or in this one. That alone makes them ten times better.
Of course, ten times shite equals...well, more shite. :-\
Quote from: Staggerwing on June 20, 2017, 08:15:12 PM
How many times can the Autobots get screwed over by us humans before they squash us like the ungrateful bugs we are?
Apparently, at least five.
Unwittingly I've given them my money for the first four...I don't need to do it a fifth time. Fool me four times, I'm a fu&*ing idiot.
I think I saw the first one in a theater. I didn't repeat that mistake again.
I kept thinking that surely they'd improve it next time...
How much does it suck that they make four shitty movies and they each make close to a billion dollars?
Besides pandering to China, I mean.
Quote from: mirth on June 20, 2017, 08:20:31 PM
I think I saw the first one in a theater. I didn't repeat that mistake again.
You wore a raincoat and ask the usherettes if they liked Peewee's Playhouse?
^ :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:
Quote from: Staggerwing on June 20, 2017, 08:22:55 PM
Quote from: mirth on June 20, 2017, 08:20:31 PM
I think I saw the first one in a theater. I didn't repeat that mistake again.
You wore a raincoat and ask the usherettes if they liked Peewee's Playhouse?
That would have been more fun than watching Transformers.
Quote from: BC on June 20, 2017, 08:23:17 PM
^ :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:
At least I didn't pay to see four Transformers movies :crazy2:
What's sad is, Transformers Prime is a helluva animated show. Why can't they use writers like that to make movies?
Quote from: mirth on June 20, 2017, 08:24:45 PM
Quote from: BC on June 20, 2017, 08:23:17 PM
^ :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:
At least I didn't pay to see four Transformers movies :crazy2:
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Frs568.pbsrc.com%2Falbums%2Fss122%2FBrooke8386%2F1928.gif%3Fw%3D280%26amp%3Bh%3D210%26amp%3Bfit%3Dcrop&hash=3ef19acea602929dedc0041bfe4d88932bcb723c)
I can certainly see all that 'quality' writing in that clip, BC. ;D I'd like to see the Autobots jump through a portal and end-up in the Warhammer Universe. That'd be worth $10.
The comics have been about that good (TF in Warhammer40K) for a good many years now.
Quote from: Sir Slash on June 20, 2017, 09:52:04 PM
I can certainly see all that 'quality' writing in that clip, BC. ;D I'd like to see the Autobots jump through a portal and end-up in the Warhammer Universe. That'd be worth $10.
Meh, that wasn't the best example, admittedly. :-[
If you're interested there's plenty of clips on YouTube (search out "transformers prime best moments"). Or just check it out on Netflix, if it's still there.
I've also heard the writing is good, but the art style... I actually own the first two seasons, but the art style keeps putting me off. :buck2:
(Worth noting: I also own and have played entirely through the War for / Fall of Cybertron duology games, which are the direct prequels to the Prime show. I love those like cake, despite their occasional weaknesses.)
Quote from: JasonPratt on June 21, 2017, 07:48:41 AM
I've also heard the writing is good, but the art style... I actually own the first two seasons, but the art style keeps putting me off. :buck2:
(Worth noting: I also own and have played entirely through the War for / Fall of Cybertron duology games, which are the direct prequels to the Prime show. I love those like cake, despite their occasional weaknesses.)
The kids' version (Transformers: Rescue Bots - I think is what it's called) is actually pretty good, too.
I think I've lamented before how awesome DC animated movies are (
War and
Operation Flashpoint, as well as
Doom, to name just a few), compared to the shite they produce as live-action. To be fair, you can get away with a lot more in animation of course, but the way CGI goes these days it's not impossible to mimic what they do in animation (and they, of course, do at times).
I'm sure it is great. I like some of the animated series about Star Wars, Batman, and the Marvel characters too. \m/
Star Wars: Rebels is admittedly another guilty pleasure. My son got me started watching that one.
I don't like The Clone Wars because of whiny Anakin. I know it's not Hayden but I'm just not interested at all in that period of the canon, I guess. Though my son has told me that knowing Clone Wars will add to the appreciation I have of Rebels, as the two are tied together.
I haven't posted more reviews yet because they're all equally the same flavors of "we just have to survive this, it's all the worst parts of the series so far but moreso, why does the aspect ratio keep changing in the middle of scenes, even just discussion scenes?!?" (Based on my admittedly limited sample, I might be able to answer this question: the "IMAX" shots in the indoor dialogue scenes, where I've seen examples so far, happen to occur when Bay is pointing his camera at the woman in the room. ::) It's a hypothesis worth testing, I think.)
This non-review is creatively different than the standard reviews, at least.
Quote from: BC on June 21, 2017, 09:03:07 AM
Though my son has told me that knowing Clone Wars will add to the appreciation I have of Rebels, as the two are tied together.
Listen to the boy. Rebels is a better show, but there is a lot of Clone Wars backstory that Rebels builds on.
Quote from: BC on June 21, 2017, 09:03:07 AM
I don't like The Clone Wars because of whiny Anakin. I know it's not Hayden but I'm just not interested at all in that period of the canon, I guess. Though my son has told me that knowing Clone Wars will add to the appreciation I have of Rebels, as the two are tied together.
I liked the original two-hour animated
Clone Wars film (so do my nieces who have NEVER LET ME HAVE IT BACK!) -- I mean the one originally designed in five minute blurps by Gennedy Tartarvsky or however you spell his last time -- not least because of the dearth of whiny Annikin. (And when he's around he happens not to be very whiny.)
The Devil's Advocate takes on the challenge of dissenting the opinion!
(Spoiler: he still thinks the movie is horrible. He's just trying to find anything at all positive to say about it at a consistent review length. Apparently he thinks it helps to be a progressive in favor of unrestricted Syrian immigration even if that's going to lead to terrorists blowing up your citizens. :o He didn't quite put it that way, so I don't think he was being sarcastic in that part of his dissenting review!)
NYT kinda liked it. Or at least didn't totally despise it.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/20/movies/transformers-the-last-knight-review.html (https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/20/movies/transformers-the-last-knight-review.html)
QuoteBut don't worry; if for some reason the drawn-out and incoherent battle scenes are what you liked about the earlier films, the climactic one here is still both of those things. The movie is shorter (by about 15 minutes) than the last one, though, and considerably more bearable.
High praise for a Transformers movie
I hear it's Chelsey Manning's favorite movie. ??? Don't know why though. You'd think after being in prison, she wouldn't be too fond of giant, metal things with sharp edges coming at you. Or maybe she would. :wow:
This thing is going to have to do really well overseas
https://variety.com/2017/film/news/box-office-transformers-the-last-knight-opening-day-1202475810/
This is great (and explains some things)
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/transformers-last-knight-who-likes-movies-1015664 (http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/transformers-last-knight-who-likes-movies-1015664)
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hollywoodreporter.com%2Fsites%2Fdefault%2Ffiles%2Fcustom%2FAaron%2FRI_TransformersInfograph%2520%281%29.jpg&hash=aa371343e0c43c1aca54f78c990c6e18519a9252)
??? I don't understand that poster at all. It's like gibberish -- so a lot like the films, then. ;)
But seriously, is it saying they polled fans who like the series and found those results?
MovieBob, expressing utter frustration at coming up with anything original or noteworthy to say about this film and how bad it is (pause "...ass"), decides to just relate 20 THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN THIS MOVIE.
This is now the most genius non-review/review of the film I've seen so far.
"I just made that one up, but admit it: you didn't know that for sure."
After the next one: "...that one was real."
:DD :notworthy:
Edited to add: I should clarify that he actually liked this movie, relatively, more than the previous ones. I'm sure whenever someone tells him that the big twist at the end was simply borrowed from a better animated adaptation of the series, he won't be surprised. It does suggest there will be more films though.
Quote from: mirth on June 22, 2017, 11:31:49 AM
This thing is going to have to do really well overseas
https://variety.com/2017/film/news/box-office-transformers-the-last-knight-opening-day-1202475810/
I honestly hope it tanks. Maybe that'll send a message to stop making this crap.
Quote from: BC on June 22, 2017, 02:28:04 PM
Quote from: mirth on June 22, 2017, 11:31:49 AM
This thing is going to have to do really well overseas
https://variety.com/2017/film/news/box-office-transformers-the-last-knight-opening-day-1202475810/
I honestly hope it tanks. Maybe that'll send a message to stop making this crap.
I'm with ya.
I have no interest in paying money to watch Hollywood essentially continue taking a dump on my childhood.
Quote from: Arctic Blast on June 22, 2017, 05:40:06 PM
I have no interest in paying money to watch Hollywood essentially continue taking a dump on my childhood.
They're beyond taking a dump...at this point they've grabbed you by the back of the head and smeared your face in it.
I'll see it...eventually...when it costs me free dollars...but yeah I'm not going to support it.
Bay's become the 2010's version of Uwe Boll...and that's not a compliment.
So it pretty much died here, but it did huge business in China. Michael Bay's reign of terror will continue
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/25/movies/transformers-the-last-knight-is-a-box-office-clunker.html
I've been catching up by rewatching the first four (which I don't think I've seen since TF4's release). I actually liked #3 and somewhat liked #4 when they first released -- and I still somewhat do despite the problems. What amazes me is that, despite aaaalllllll the problems I slightly appreciate #1 and #2 more each time I watch them. I think it helps that I go in with low expectation.
That said, BEHOLD RED LETTER MEDIA'S EPIC TAKEDOWN SERIES OF TF#5!!
Critiques so utterly blistering that they have actually, no kidding, broken the RLM fanbase itself. Each video gets longer, too! -- from Half in the Bag, to a re:View ep, to a Mr. Plinkett video!
See if
you can spot the subtle running joke in each video! :))
Wow.
Considering how Jay and Mike are perfectly good with ripping a movie a new one, and/or giving it credit where credit is due...that's quite a statement, there. I bet this will be a "movie-that-shall-not-be-named" in future HITB and other installments.
Bonus points to them if they put it on Wheel Of The Worst when it hits DVD! :D
It occurs to me they might put it on WotW immediately, like they did with re:View, just to keep the joke going.
(You should really watch all three reviews pronto. I promise it won't take as long as it seems... ;) )
I did, though I got the point after 1.5 minutes of transformer SFX and them dribbling beer.
I don't know those two's names, but it's yet another subtle statement that Mike and Jay deigned to not even be present. I think those two guys are Canadians, even! Whoa.
Angry Joe actually bothered with a review
I have to admit, like some other fans, I was disappointed the other guys didn't 'transform' into Mike and Jay.
(Their real names are used in the description for the re:View parody, I think.)