So I just learned my Dad is dying from cancer.
Just now. Weirdly from his wife's facebook post, she friended me so I'd see it.
He and I talk weekly, so I'm shocked I hadn't heard it.
I lost my mother at 22 to the same thing.
So...well...this is an odd night.
I'm surprised at how little horror or upset or breakdown I'm feeling. It was sudden, it was just weird.
And I've been through it before.
I'm sure it'll be worse tomorrow, and then worse again.
But tonight...
You all are good friends and companions. I know it's just a message board. But...I don't know.
So sorry to hear the sad news. Losing a parent is an emotionally challenging time regardless of the relationship status.
My father and I had not had a close relationship, yet getting the call from a hospital staff member informing me that he had passed (I had not known he was in the hospital) was traumatizing for me. I sympathize with the flood of emotions you must be feeling right now.
My kindest thoughts and prayers for you as you work through a tough time......
Cancer is a bad, mean, evil, thing. So sorry to hear it has come to your family. I pray you and your family will find peace.
Quote from: MetalDog on January 13, 2019, 02:54:15 AM
Cancer is a bad, mean, evil, thing. So sorry to hear it has come to your family. I pray you and your family will find peace.
Come for the second time.
The first time almost ended me.
Egad. So sorry, mate.
Can't sleep. Thanks for the well wishes.
SirAndrewD I'm sorry to hear the news.
We are all here for you so please lean on us anytime you need it.
Quote from: SirAndrewD on January 13, 2019, 01:33:38 AM
So I just learned my Dad is dying from cancer.
Just now. Weirdly from his wife's facebook post, she friended me so I'd see it.
He and I talk weekly, so I'm shocked I hadn't heard it.
I lost my mother at 22 to the same thing.
So...well...this is an odd night.
I'm surprised at how little horror or upset or breakdown I'm feeling. It was sudden, it was just weird.
And I've been through it before.
I'm sure it'll be worse tomorrow, and then worse again.
But tonight...
You all are good friends and companions. I know it's just a message board. But...I don't know.
Sorry to hear that. I lost both of my parents to the same thing and had something similar to you as the circumstances of finding out. My mother never told me, I happened to be going into a doctor's office for some testing when I ran into her coming out of the cancer clinic. What really made it weird is that was the first time I was ever at that office and I rarely ever go to a doctor.....but it happened that day. That day she told us she had 6-months to live and she ended up passing away exactly six months from that day I ran into her. Strange things happen for a reason I guess.
Sorry to hear that, SirAndrewD. :(
Man....not what I was expecting to read when I clicked on this topic.
Really sorry to see this news, SirAndrewD. We'll be praying for the best, and for you and your family.
We're all here for you.
Hang in there, bud. :-[
So sorry to hear about your dad :(
#fuckcancer
SirAndrewD, this so hard and so sad.
It can take time to work through a parent's death. Sometimes a long period of mourning.
Everyone handles this in their own way. We are all part of your support group.
I'm sorry about the sad news. I will keep your family in my prayers.
My wife and I have lost our parents. It is always hard regardless of the circumstances.
Really sorry to hear this. :(
Be strong buddy.
Sorry to hear that, SirAndrewD.
Not sure what to say about the whole Facebook thing. That seems like a hell of a way to break what is sure to be traumatizing news.
So sorry to hear the news, SirD. I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer while she was fairly young, it's a harsh thing. Peace and love, brother.
Keeping you and your family in mind, D.
Thanks for letting me vent on here last night guys.
It's lung cancer, don't know how far or how bad.
Caught it early, but due to age can't be a great prognosis.
We'll just have to hope and see.
Very bad news. I have been there.
You know you have friends here. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.
Quote from: Toonces on January 13, 2019, 11:40:45 AM
Sorry to hear that, SirAndrewD.
Not sure what to say about the whole Facebook thing. That seems like a hell of a way to break what is sure to be traumatizing news.
Learning that way was really rough. My Dad's wife isn't known for her tact.
To be fair to her, he was hiding it from me. He'd been in the hospital for five days and wouldn't let me know. He didn't want to tell me because he, firstly, didn't want me to go through it again, and secondly he doesn't have a lot of answers yet.
I am so sorry to hear about your Father SirAndrew. And what an awful way to learn about it too. People often have a really hard time talking about death and especially to family about it. It could be your father
is angry, depressed, and or in denial about the issue and doesn't want to project that onto you. I remember Fate dictated that I be the one to tell my brother and sister that my Mother, and later my Father too, had died as well as being the one to tell my brother our father had terminal cancer and there's no easy way to handle it. In part you don't know what to say to someone nor how to say it and often they really don't want to hear it. Give your Dad some time to come to grip with the issue and maybe he'll be more forthcoming about it with you.
I remember NEVER being more proud of my Father when the doctor told him he had cancer and he responded with his trademark stoic strength, humor and fearless attitude-- a real example for us all, it helped keep the family together during the trying days ahead.
My thoughts and prayers are for you and your family in the days ahead.
Sorry to hear Andrew.
I can understand the way finding this type of information sucks but for the sake of whatever relationships you have with your father and his wife feel free to vent here vs blowing up at them.
Good luck to you and your family for the coming fight.
Thanks for the thoughts guys.
No really good new info. Doctors sent Dad home today, told him he needed to work on his strength.
No real info from them on extent, severity or prognosis. They want him stronger for chemo, but they will only commit to saying there were "cancerous cells" detected". No indication on how severe it is, but Dad has trouble breathing.
He quit smoking at 58, got COPD in his early 70's, so it looks like it may have caught up with him.
A testament to the kind of man he is, his greatest horror is bringing me up in a house where my Mom and Dad smoked regularly, and that me, as a lifetime non-smoker might pay for that with them both having the same thing.
My Dad also smoked all his life, more so after he retired, as well as working as a Roofer in his young days, and with asbestos to boot. :hide: Kind of a recipe of how to get cancer. BTW, I'm also a 'Cancer Survivor' myself. About 2 years ago I went in for blood work at Quest and the place on my right arm where she drew blood didn't heal totally. After about 6 months I asked my doctor, "Shouldn't this be better by now Doc"? He sent me to the Skin Doctor and sure enough, Basil Cell Carcenoma which they promptly removed. Guys, seriously, anything that looks weird or doesn't go away... HAVE IT CHECKED-OUT. Now twice a year I get to go down and take my clothes off in front of some young girls and watch them make faces at how I look naked. What's the point of being old if you can't aggravate young people? :bd:
Well, my Dad died this morning in his sleep.
Thanks to everyone that offered support. Going to have to try to take the next step now. His wife isn't making it easy on me.
Sorry for your loss Sir AndrewD. Losing a parent is always hard.
:(
Quote from: SirAndrewD on February 06, 2019, 10:59:57 AM
Well, my Dad died this morning in his sleep.
Thanks to everyone that offered support. Going to have to try to take the next step now. His wife isn't making it easy on me.
Damn it. Sorry to hear that SirAndrewD. My prayers go out to you and your family.
Send me a PM if there is anything I can help you with.
Sorry for the news, brother. Best of wishes for you and your family.
Sorry to hear that, SirAndrewD. My thoughts are with you. :(
(Virtual hug)
:-[
So sorry for your loss SirAndrew. The days ahead will be hard and stressful for you and your family but the way to defeat this tragedy is not let it remain a tragedy. Find the strength and courage to do something, even if it's a very small thing, somewhere to make the world BETTER because of it, despite the pain. People around you will take note and be themselves encouraged and thus stronger because of it. If some small gain comes because of it then your loss will not have been meaningless.
Sorry to hear about your loss SirAndrew.
My father was a life long smoker and also developed COPD and lost his battle with both a couple years ago. He was 74 but his quality of life started to decline in his early 60's.
My condolences, D.
Please accept my condolences on your loss.
Thanks guys.
It looks like we'll have to arrange for my Dad's wife and her family to have one funeral, and my Dad's family and my extended family to have our own.
I really wish I didn't have to deal with the first things his wife told me on the phone call this morning being "You're paying for this right?"
After all the pressure gets off of me from family members, I might have a moment to grieve.
Thanks for your support though. Grogs stay united.
Quote from: SirAndrewD on February 06, 2019, 03:27:21 PM
"You're paying for this right?"
Oh man. Dealt with this issue (both the passing of my Father and his twat wife pawning his funeral off on me and my Aunt) myself this past Christmas.
So, so very sorry as this sort of thing is the veritable icing on the shit-cake that is dealing with unexpected deaths and none-too-friendly families.
>:(
Quote from: SirAndrewD on February 06, 2019, 10:59:57 AM
Well, my Dad died this morning in his sleep.
Thanks to everyone that offered support. Going to have to try to take the next step now. His wife isn't making it easy on me.
I'm sorry for your loss. We lost my brother just that quickly to testicular cancer way back. My dad died in his sleep the next decade. My mom still sleeps in the same bed, and I hope one day that's the same peaceful way she goes too. My sister and niece visited mom recently. Mom told me she thinks they didn't think they'll ever see her again because they hugged her so tight saying goodbye. I'm sorry your dad's wife is making it hard on you, I worry that my "other" sister will do the same to me someday. If it's any consolation you're not alone in the boat.
Quote from: SirAndrewD on February 06, 2019, 03:27:21 PM
Thanks guys.
It looks like we'll have to arrange for my Dad's wife and her family to have one funeral, and my Dad's family and my extended family to have our own.
I really wish I didn't have to deal with the first things his wife told me on the phone call this morning being "You're paying for this right?"
After all the pressure gets off of me from family members, I might have a moment to grieve.
Thanks for your support though. Grogs stay united.
I'm so sorry to hear about your father, and I'm also sorry to hear about his wife. There's always a troublemaker in every family.
Hang in there, and you'll get through it.
Quote from: Dammit Carl! on February 06, 2019, 04:04:59 PM
Quote from: SirAndrewD on February 06, 2019, 03:27:21 PM
"You're paying for this right?"
Oh man. Dealt with this issue (both the passing of my Father and his twat wife pawning his funeral off on me and my Aunt) myself this past Christmas.
So, so very sorry as this sort of thing is the veritable icing on the shit-cake that is dealing with unexpected deaths and none-too-friendly families.
>:(
My condolences to you too, Dammit Carl!. That sucks.
So very sorry to hear about this personal loss. Hang in there. We're always her if you need to vent, or would like support.
Damn, man, that sucks all around. Hang in there, bro.
My deepest sympathies SirAndrewD. As well to those that you hold dear who also mourn.
I hope you get through this funeral experience and out the other side as soon as possible. Afterwards you can leave that 'wife' of his far back in your rear view mirror and peaceably grieve your father's passing at your own pace and in your own way.
You could always tell the 'Wife', "I'll pay if you go with him". JUST KIDDING. I predict that she will probably want as much control of the arraignments as possible in which case you can tell her, politely, "If I'm paying, then it goes my way". The more say so she wants, the more financial responsibility she has. But don't let her be an example for the rest of your family. You guys do what you all think your Father would really want so that afterward like you say, you can grieve and then put this behind you. My 2 cents.
Quote from: Sir Slash on February 07, 2019, 11:06:02 AM
You could always tell the 'Wife', "I'll pay if you go with him". JUST KIDDING. I predict that she will probably want as much control of the arraignments as possible in which case you can tell her, politely, "If I'm paying, then it goes my way". The more say so she wants, the more financial responsibility she has. But don't let her be an example for the rest of your family. You guys do what you all think your Father would really want so that afterward like you say, you can grieve and then put this behind you. My 2 cents.
Sadly, our interactions with her ceased to be rational. When my wife called her today she essentially kept her voice at a scream and informed us that we weren't invited to anything that she's going to arrange on her own because we're "ungrateful" and "Worthless" and a myriad of other pretty rough things.
I guess with the leash requiring her to be polite to me and my wife that existed when my Dad was alive has expired. I always had an inkling that she didn't like us because of his connection to my late mother, I just never imagined it was this dark.
So, yeah, things are being made harder than it should be. It's sadly not what my Dad would've wanted, but I get a sneaky suspicion that a few of his late in life conversations with me he was sideways warning me this might happen. He knew who he was married to.
It's pretty much as you say, it looks like she can do her own thing, and then my family will do mine. When she drove my wife to tears she pretty much ended any sympathy or desire to provide her with any sharing of the finances.
So sorry to hear about your father, and it sounds like his wife is a real piece of work that's going to just make this even harder.
Prayers sent, and hoping there can be some sort of resolution
Damn. Sorry this is going so badly for you SirAndrew. You're probably right about separating the families if it's so distressing for her, and you. Hang in there Brother. Stay strong for YOUR family and all of you get through this together. That will honor your Father's memory the most.
Quote from: Sir Slash on February 07, 2019, 11:27:42 PM
Damn. Sorry this is going so badly for you SirAndrew. You're probably right about separating the families if it's so distressing for her, and you. Hang in there Brother. Stay strong for YOUR family and all of you get through this together. That will honor your Father's memory the most.
It's not so bad. My Dad's family and my wife's is behind me 100% and firmly. Also my Dad is being buried in his home town which is a very small community in Missouri and one of the only historical markers there is about his Dad's grocery. If and when his wife goes there she'll find a community that is pretty heavily on the side of his family, even though she spent 20 years forcing him apart from them.
Biggest problem is that my Dad didn't leave a Will. In the community, my family owns a large number of burial plots in the city cemetery. All of them have for more than 100 years been for my family members. My Mom is there. The "Row" is named after my family. They're all in my Dad's name.
Since there's no Will, by her intent, at least half those plots will go to her. I have no illusions that she'll sell them off for a profit.
Really sorry to hear about your dads passing SirAndrew.
I lost my dad in 2000. It was really tough and took a while but he's more happy memories than sadness now
Stay strong.
My condolences for your loss.
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Everyone should get a will unless you want your State to determine how your assets will be distributed after you die.
My condolences, SirAndrew. I pray peace, comfort, and solace to you and all who loved your father. And I am glad you have so many to truly share your grief with.