As some of you may already know, I sadly lost my father this past weekend. It has been a difficult few days, but I am trying to stay as positive as the circumstances will permit. i had some down time while I was home and I went through some old boxes finding some things that to me are virtually priceless...here are just a few of the relics I discovered...
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/67067164_10206218335813519_113878682736525312_o.jpg?_nc_cat=108&_nc_oc=AQnuwQ6HHPqesw9jX8OTMlx5vDeKwd21ucXqqHyZxq1BMWpDMEx4_2awfq5o_ZR0tF0&_nc_ht=scontent-lga3-1.xx&oh=1d5b12245dd83d0e8065c3a30dfc3ce6&oe=5DAF34AD)
I rather have my dad back, but just a little part of me is glad he guided me to look in these boxes. This is just as small sampling of what I found.
Damn, that's a pretty cool silver lining ;)
Very sorry to hear about your loss man. Hang in there!
Jarhead, I am truly sorry for your loss. These kind of physical finds can be a great reminder of earlier times but the memories of your dad will last forever. Keeping those memories alive in your heart can serve as a great comfort. Again, my condolences.
My sincere condolences, JH.
Nice little treasure trove there. Manuals like that are like gold these days. It looks like your dad was an avid simmer.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. :(
Quote from: DoctorQuest on July 24, 2019, 03:26:38 PM
It looks like your dad was an avid simmer.
Nah...those were all mine from when I was a young simmer. My dad (and mom) were just nice enough to let me store my old stuff in their house for the last 25 years.
Thanks for all the thoughts, guys. It means a lot to me.
I'm very sorry to hear it Jarhead. What was he like?
Also yes, that is an excellent find. Young Jarhead had excellent taste in games. ;)
Sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a parent is not an easy experience.
Great finds!
Quote from: Huw the Poo on July 24, 2019, 03:47:26 PM
I'm very sorry to hear it Jarhead. What was he like?
He was a very interesting guy, thank you for asking. Introspective and quiet. I could sit with him for awhile, not saying much, but come away feeling like the experience was meaningful. He was a devoted father and husband of 55 years to my mother. He always supported my brother and I in our goals and dreams, no matter how whimsical. However, at times I think he placed too great an emphasis on the importance of his own financial success, which I think is how he measured himself as a father, husband and man. He also certainly had demons. At nine years old, his mother, father, brother and sister were all killed in a plane crash. He was not on the plane, so he was the only one to survive from his immediate family. This racked him with guilt and sadness for his entire lifetime and I know the loss plagued him emotionally. It led to alcoholism, which he eventually conquered late in his life...
In any event, I loved him very much and was honored to be his son. I hope he heard me when I told him that...
^ Wow, that's heavy that he had to deal with that as a 9 year old.
Wow, sounds like he had an inner strength most people can only dream of. I'm not surprised you're proud to be his son.
Sorry for your loss Jarhead.
Condolences for your loss :(
So sorry for you loss. Whether or not he heard you, he knows.
Sorry for your loss. Sounds like you guys were close, i'm a bit envious as my father and i are not close as he took off when i was a child. I hope you have a lot of nice memories to recall as you adjust to your new normal. Doesn't look like my father will make years end, and i'm not really sure how i feel about it.
Peace
Quote from: -budd- on July 24, 2019, 06:31:55 PM
Sorry for your loss. Sounds like you guys were close, i'm a bit envious as my father and i are not close as he took off when i was a child. I hope you have a lot of nice memories to recall as you adjust to your new normal. Doesn't look like my father will make years end, and i'm not really sure how i feel about it.
Peace
We weren't as close as we should or could have been. I speak to my mother once or twice a week, but he usually wouldn't get on the phone. I wasn't encouraged to seek him out because our phone conversations were typically pretty dull...you know..."how are you? How is work? How are the girls? Love you, bye..." Also, for years, he wasn't well enough to get on a plane, so unless I went to visit my folks, I wouldn't see him. On average, I maybe saw him once a year, if even. He got seriously ill back in 2007 and we didn't think he was going to pull through then. He was given another chance though, and the opportunity to change his lifestyle and improve his health, but he didn't. When it is your time to go, you go, but his own life decisions certainly played a big role in his demise. This frustrated me to no end.
Your relationship with your dad is clearly very different from my own. However, I will say that life is short...really damn short, and I wish I had just one more conversation with him. I wish I can specifically remember that last talk we had...instead of only recalling generally that it was pleasant. I wish I had spoken with him every day, no matter how meaningless and pointless it might have been because I will never get that opportunity again. The door swings both ways, but I can't help thinking that I wasn't the best son I could have been and this fills me with tremendous regret and deep remorse. You may still have time to do your part to avoid this...if you try and it isn't reciprocated, at least you know you made the noble effort.
Was your Dad in the Marine Corps?
Quote from: Gusington on July 24, 2019, 07:58:53 PM
Was your Dad in the Marine Corps?
No. If he didn't have a high lottery number during 'Nam, he probably would have been a draft dodger. :crazy2:
heh
Jarhead, my sincere condolences for your loss. Losing a parent is tough no matter how close or estranged you are from them. I lost my mother when I was 21 years old and she was only 50 years old. I had a closer relationship with her than my father.
To this day, my father and I have never been close. We mostly email each other with updates now and then, and hardly talk on the phone. I like what you stated about life being too damn short and wishing you had one more conversation with him. I need to constantly remind myself of that and actually make an effort to touch base with my own father more frequently.
Groggy
Strength and honor and peace to you and your family at this time.
That plane crash which claimed your Dad's family sure sounds rare. Do you have any details you can share? Was his Dad (and/or maybe Mom) a pilot, or flying with someone else?
Quote from: Jarhead0331 on July 24, 2019, 06:43:28 PM
Quote from: -budd- on July 24, 2019, 06:31:55 PM
Sorry for your loss. Sounds like you guys were close, i'm a bit envious as my father and i are not close as he took off when i was a child. I hope you have a lot of nice memories to recall as you adjust to your new normal. Doesn't look like my father will make years end, and i'm not really sure how i feel about it.
Peace
We weren't as close as we should or could have been. I speak to my mother once or twice a week, but he usually wouldn't get on the phone. I wasn't encouraged to seek him out because our phone conversations were typically pretty dull...you know..."how are you? How is work? How are the girls? Love you, bye..." Also, for years, he wasn't well enough to get on a plane, so unless I went to visit my folks, I wouldn't see him. On average, I maybe saw him once a year, if even. He got seriously ill back in 2007 and we didn't think he was going to pull through then. He was given another chance though, and the opportunity to change his lifestyle and improve his health, but he didn't. When it is your time to go, you go, but his own life decisions certainly played a big role in his demise. This frustrated me to no end.
Your relationship with your dad is clearly very different from my own. However, I will say that life is short...really damn short, and I wish I had just one more conversation with him. I wish I can specifically remember that last talk we had...instead of only recalling generally that it was pleasant. I wish I had spoken with him every day, no matter how meaningless and pointless it might have been because I will never get that opportunity again. The door swings both ways, but I can't help thinking that I wasn't the best son I could have been and this fills me with tremendous regret and deep remorse. You may still have time to do your part to avoid this...if you try and it isn't reciprocated, at least you know you made the noble effort.
Appreciate you taking the time to reply JH. Pretty much what you said has been rolling around in my head for a few weeks now. I do feel like i'm on the clock, and there's more than a few excuses to let the clock run out but that doesn't seem like the right thing to do. Whatever water under the bridge, he just a sick old man who i can probably make his last days a little brighter, even if i have to fake it. Seems like a small price to pay to do a noble thing and make it a little easier to live with myself. The hard part will be trying to get my sister to put the past aside and go with me, but i'd go without her, she has to make her own decisions and whatever she would choose would be fine with me.
Thanks for helping me see what i already knew
P.S. How's your mother holding up?
My condolences. My God have mercy on his soul. I'll pray for him at my next Mass.
I'm saddened to hear he had a tough life. Losing your family at an early age is hard. I'm sure he kept up with you through your Mother. My Dad mostly listened on my phone calls. I wrote about every other week in college and my Mom wrote all of the responses - but he read every letter before it arrived home. After Mom lost her mind Dad was the one I spoke to on the phone every week. So your Dad may have been closer than you think through your communication with your Mother. It was that way for me unknowingly for decades.
Two weeks ago a brother gave me the letters he found in my parents house (he bought it) that I wrote for my College years. About 3/4ths were there. I'm still not emotionally ready to reread them.
Losing a parent is never easy and it is something almost all of us go through. Nothing can prepare you for it.
Quote from: JasonPratt on July 24, 2019, 08:56:11 PM
Strength and honor and peace to you and your family at this time.
That plane crash which claimed your Dad's family sure sounds rare. Do you have any details you can share? Was his Dad (and/or maybe Mom) a pilot, or flying with someone else?
The crash occurred on June 20, 1956. The aircraft was a Lockheed L1049 Super Constellation flying from New Jersey, Ashbury Park to Caracas, Venezuela. Approximately 200 miles off the coast of the US, one of the inboard motors began to overheat. The pilot, following protocol, radioed a mayday, turned around and headed back to NJ, and began dumping fuel in case of an emergency landing. My understanding is that the fuel bled over the fuselage entering the overheating engine and caused a catastrophic explosion. All 74 souls onboard were lost. It was the worst commercial air disaster up to that date.
At the time of the accident there was no NTSB. Accident investigations were handled by the US Coast Guard. I obtained what few records I could, which included transcripts of radio transmissions from the pilot of the doomed aircraft, as well as nearby planes and vessels who responded to the mayday and/or witnessed the explosion. It was a very high profile accident as not only was it severe, with great loss of life, but there were several wealthy Americans on board. My father lost his entire family and was orphaned. I have the original newspaper clippings.
My daughter is named Amelia Lynne. Amelia, for the heroine of aviation and Lynne for my father's 4 year old sister who was lost onboard. Our daughter who will be born any day now will have the middle name Lucille...after my father, Lawrence.
Quote from: -budd- on July 24, 2019, 09:23:08 PM
P.S. How's your mother holding up?
She is handling it in her own unique way. Very chatty and with humor. Not my style or way of managing my grief, at all, and it was really grating on my nerves, but I bit my tongue and let her manage it in her way.
I don't think it will really set in for her until the last person leaves, the door closes and she is in the house alone. It will be sometime before that happens, but it will certainly happen eventually.
My hope is that she will eventually thrive. Truthfully, my dad's physical and mental state held her back for at least 2 decades. She is very social and vivacious. My dad...not so much.
Thanks for asking.
My condolences on the loss of your Father JH. Losing a parent is never easy for any of us no matter how prepared we think we are for it. I still miss both my parents and think about them almost every day-- it makes them still feel close. They would laugh their asses off at me trying to be a good grandparent today. Hang onto the good memories, try to be understanding about any bad ones, and be glad we had them for as long as we did.
Well that's life. Condolences and all the best. Cherish the memories but don't let the loss affect the future.
Fathers are often aloof, my dad is the same. We talk but not enough but so glad to still have him.
Feel for you and your family Jar.
Sorry for your loss. and hopefully your mom is doing OK.
As an aside I, like your dad, also pulled a high number in the lottery and did not go to 'Nam. I was in ROTC in college at the time, figuring if I had to go it might as well be as an officer, but dropped it after the lottery.
I'm very sorry for your loss JH, my condolences. :-[
Very sorry for your loss, JH...my condolences.
Those kinds of memories are the best, though, as they are fond.
Very sorry to hear that, Jarhead. I lost both of my parents last year and things will never be the same. My thoughts are with you.
This is a fairly new wiki entry about the 1956 plane crash that took the lives of my father's family. I have not seen it before. Gives some more insight, for anyone interested.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linea_Aeropostal_Venezolana_Flight_253_(June_1956) (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linea_Aeropostal_Venezolana_Flight_253_(June_1956))
It is fascinating stuff and having a personal connection to this tragedy is pretty intense. I can't help but imagine what my 30 year old grand parents and their two children, son Martin, aged 5 and daughter Lynne, aged 4, must have been thinking. I wonder how my father's life, and consequently, my own, might have been different had they not perished that night...
Thanks for your personal and candid story JH. My condolences.
Its interesting to think about who we are and what steps fate took to make it so.
My father is still around (for a long while more I hope) and he's been diagnosed with Asperger's a few years back. Nowadays we have all kinds of labels for disorders, but when he was little those kids were usually just marked as being 'difficult' by their family.
As a result of his condition, I, as a child, always lay low. Because I was taught (not directly of course) from a young age that triggering my dad usually resulted in grief. He never lay a hand on me, but I definately felt the psychological strain he could enforce.
But as a child it just was normal. It was who my dad was and it was how the relation was between my parents.
Only when I became older I began to understand my home situation wasn't normal at all. And it has, for better or worse, molded me into the man I am today.
Reflection makes me value my mother even more, because if it wasn't for her dedication I might have very well been someone else entirely. She always had to defend the family values and the morality of raising a kid.
As a sidenote, me having no siblings is a direct result of my father's condition; my mother was up to the task of raising me, but she couldn't spare any energy to also raise others.
Thanks JH! Good brovibes going on here getting to know the fellow Grogs some more.
Jarhead-My condolences for your loss.
Quote from: Yskonyn on July 25, 2019, 09:40:46 AM
Reflection makes me value my mother even more, because if it wasn't for her dedication I might have very well been someone else entirely. She always had to defend the family values and the morality of raising a kid.
As a sidenote, me having no siblings is a direct result of my father's condition; my mother was up to the task of raising me, but she couldn't spare any energy to also raise others.
Thanks JH! Good brovibes going on here getting to know the fellow Grogs some more.
This is an important point and makes me reflect on my relationship with my mother and my feelings for her. She presses my buttons, usually inadvertently, and it has caused me to drift apart from her over the years. She wants to be closer and more involved in my life, but I keep her away and really limit my relationship to one mostly involving my daughter, who she loves more than anything in the world. Sometimes, I'm too impatient and harsh with her...this is going to have to change. I recognize that she put up with a lot of crap with my father and really held the family together, sounds like your mom did the same. Were it not for my mother, my dad would have died a long time ago, after suffering much more greatly than he actually did.
My brother and I really need to pull together to better care of her now. She will need us now more than ever and we owe her.
Quote from: Jarhead0331 on July 25, 2019, 09:55:50 AM
Quote from: Yskonyn on July 25, 2019, 09:40:46 AM
Reflection makes me value my mother even more, because if it wasn't for her dedication I might have very well been someone else entirely. She always had to defend the family values and the morality of raising a kid.
As a sidenote, me having no siblings is a direct result of my father's condition; my mother was up to the task of raising me, but she couldn't spare any energy to also raise others.
Thanks JH! Good brovibes going on here getting to know the fellow Grogs some more.
This is an important point and makes me reflect on my relationship with my mother and my feelings for her. She presses my buttons, usually inadvertently, and it has caused me to drift apart from her over the years. She wants to be closer and more involved in my life, but I keep her away and really limit my relationship to one mostly involving my daughter, who she loves more than anything in the world. Sometimes, I'm too impatient and harsh with her...this is going to have to change. I recognize that she put up with a lot of crap with my father and really held the family together, sounds like your mom did the same. Were it not for my mother, my dad would have died a long time ago, after suffering much more greatly than he actually did.
My brother and I really need to pull together to better care of her now. She will need us now more than ever and we owe her.
We all owe our mothers so much I think....
My personal story, my Mom died in 1976 of a heart attack following open-heart surgery. My Father was devastated and became very angry at the whole world. I was 20 at the time and no one could console him as he had always thought he would die first and blamed himself, the doctors, everyone. He was so angry I eventually had to move out on my own which hurt him even worse.
Sometime later he met my Stepmother and when they began to date I thought he must've lost his mind-- dating at almost 60? :o And I didn't like her or her asinine children and family. She was NOT Mom! Later though I began to see she made him happy again, he was smiling again. And laughing again. So I decided to just stow my feelings and accept it.
After they married, me and my stepmom became closer and I realized the problem I had with her was ME, not her. After I got over that, she became like a second Mother to me and she and my Father had many good years together. She died a couple of years ago and I still can't stand her asinine kids, but thank God she came into our lives. She saved and gave us back my Father.
My condolences JH.
I'm not a religious man but I consider myself blessed for having 2 relatively healthy parents and having good relationships with them even if I only get to see them once or twice a year.
All thoughts to you and your family as you go through this difficult time.
Thanks, JH, that was indeed amazing information (albeit horrifically so). :notworthy:
Praying for your father's peace (along with Airboy), meanwhile; and for you and your family, too.
I sympathise with you JH. Losing a parent is a great wrench. I lost my dad when I was just 15. Its silly but I still can't think about losing him without getting upset and I'm 59 - but I don't think that's typical. My mum also died a couple of years ago but she had had a full & happy life & I'd had a lot more of it with her so somehow after the initial shock it was just a lot easier to deal with.
Time is a great healer, and if you have good memories of your dad, over time its those that you will remember, rather than him just not being there.
Oh, and B-17 was a GREAT game!
Regards
Keith
Very sorry for your loss JH. As you well know I lost my father earlier this year as well.
I wish I didn't know how you're feeling, but I do. It'll get better but never easy.
JarHead, I'll add my voice to the chorus of well-wishers extending their condolences here. It sounds like your journey with your dad was problematic, but I think that's far more common than most of us realize.
I was very close to my dad, but said farewell to him almost 15 years ago, four months before I was married. One of the biggest sadnesses in my life is that he never got a chance to know his youngest grandson, who bears his name. His mom died of tuberculosis when he was 10, and his dad died of cancer when he was 12. He was mostly raised by older sisters throughout the Great Depression. He was blessed with an easy disposition, but that experience molded him in ways that I'll never be able to fully understand.
I bid farewell to my mother 4 years ago, and the family torch has now been passed to me and my siblings. Concentrate on grieving for your father's loss right now, but after a little bit of time, I'd encourage you to reach out to your mother on her terms. Now that your dad has passed, she may have more left in her emotional gas tank for her children going forward.
If you've got your second kiddo on the way, your life will be immensely full for the foreseeable future. Try to make space for you and your mom in it, though. My children were 5 and 2 when my mom passed, and while we'd grown closer in her last year, when I was her primary family caregiver, I regret that our last few years together were spent almost entirely in the company of my own children.
She LOVED her grandkids, and she loved being around them, but the tensions of a grandparent who has their own views on how I and my wife parented could not be ignored. Time for the two of you to talk about things besides your kids is important if you hope to mend those fences.
Peace my brother, from the whole Grogheads family. The whole point of life is to grow the soul. I wish you and your mom Godspeed on that journey in the days ahead.
^'Grow the soul'...well put.
Good advice from all and thanks to everyone for all of the thoughtful comments and support so far. It reminds me that losing a parent is something most of us will go through, and although there are many different ways in which our grief is expressed and felt, it is all a normal part of the healing process.
Sorry for your loss. I lost my old man when I was 20, back in 1981. Always bummed I didn't get to know him as an adult. Also sucked that he died at 67, didn't get to enjoy retirement after working hard all his life.
My sincere condolences for your loss. Losing someone you care about is extremely hard. Losing a parent is exponentially more so. I hope you are able to take some level of comfort in your family, especially your children. Those little rugrats have mystical healing properties!
On a more upbeat note, that's a great collection of old manuals you have! There's something great about getting a large, physical copy of a manual for a serious game/sim that I really miss nowadays. Sure many wargames come with well put together PDFs which are very convenient in their own way, but they lack the charm of a physical copy.
When I first got the game Star Wars Jedi Knight 2 Jedi Outcast I also got the strategy guide, which ended up being the reference that allowed me to complete the game. Plus it came with a pretty cool wall poster. The guide has since gone missing despite my trying to hang onto it over the years.
Keep all those manuals safe!
So very sorry for your loss, prayers to you during this difficult time.
Sorry about your dad.
Sincere condolences on the loss of your father. Losing a father that you loved but were not as close as desired can bring a complicated mixed bag of emotions...
My father and my mother never married, and I did not see my father much growing up. My mother was very bitter toward him and directed that anger toward me growing up. He would pop in to town occasionally and then disappear again for a couple of years. I did spend a year living with him during high school, but that's where I learned first hand that he never really had any interest in being a father to me (I was an "oops" baby). After that year, I did not see him again until I got married, where I later learned he and my mom bet $1000 that our marriage wouldn't last a year (we've now been married 32 years). A couple of years after that, I got a phone call from him that he was 6 hours away in his car and he said "I'm coming to live with you...". After several tense months of him sharing our 1-bedroom apartment, he proceeded to file bankruptcy at my address (and we have the same name) and then moved out. That stunt caused me significant credit problems for years, and we again fell out of touch. Several years later he developed emphysema from his smoking - a terrible suffocation path that I would wish on no one. I still called him occasionally and put his grand kids on the phone to chat with him, but the emphysema made talking difficult. He eventually went into the hospital where he passed away, and I found out from his health care case worker after the fact he was hospitalized.
With his having been gone for nearly a decade now, my honest emotions are that I don't miss him. What I do feel is a deep sense of sadness that whatever demons he had prevented him from having or possible even knowing how to have a rich loving relationship with his son. The anger at him has faded, and I actually feel pity for his life and I don't think his ego ever let him reflect and know what the joys of a close family member relationship could have been. I'm also glad that he is not suffering through emphysema anymore.
I only write the above to provide some input on the emotions and feelings when a father you were not close with passes. I hope that there are sufficient warm memories with your dad that will be the treasures you hold onto when you reflect on him down the road. Regardless of how your healing journey goes, don't beat yourself up for being honest with your emotions, even if they are not what you wished they were. Forgiveness, peace and warm emotions are wonderful salves on a heart going through what you are dealing with now.
Sincere condolences and wishes for a peaceful journey of emotional healing for you....
^Thanks for sharing that 88mmkwk. Very insightful and appreciated.
Hey JH,
Just got back into town and saw your post and I've read all the comments. Life never ceases to amaze me. I just came back from Myrtle Beach SC from a visit with one of my three remaining lifelong friends who's just been diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer and I get back home and then see your post about your Dad.
I don't know if you remember our PM's we exchanged awhile back but I told you about how I took my Dad on a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Europe and revisited his war experiences 40 years later in Normandy and the Hurtgen Forest in Belgium just four years before he died from leukemia. I got to talk a lot to him in those 16 days of our trip but even with all of that there were questions I wished I had asked and for some reason never did. So, don't ever beat yourself up about things you may have left unsaid with your Dad or the time you may or may not have spent with him.
My daughter is 42 now and I remember a conversation I had with her when she was 8 or 9 years old and she was having a hard time with some of her schoolmates in school. I told her that the hardest thing I think about life and growing up is "just being yourself." In other words staying true to yourself. I told her that psychiatrist'offices are full of people who don't know who they are or are trying to be someone they're not.
I was never like anyone in my family as I had more of a "world view" than they did and I always felt out of place to a certain extent. I guess what I'm getting at here is that if you are your own person and if your parents are too then you're going to have conflicts and they may never be resolved. Just accept that and go on with your life. If you can get closer to your Mom and help her more that will be great but don't ever do it if it affects you and your family's well being. My mother was basically a "toxic parent" and after my Dad died I tried to help her but she was destroying me and my family so I had to cut off my relationship. Doesn't sound like your Mom is anything like mine at all and that you just rub each other the wrong way at times.
Anyway, I hope your whole family gets closer from this and enjoys the coming years in happiness.
Just noticed my typo in my post: I meant to say Normandy, Belgium and the Huertgen Forest in Germany. And sorry for the loss of your Dad.