Ok so I have a guy friend from work, and over the last year or so we started hanging out outside of work from time to time. Anyway, he's been an a$$hole lately, but I don't know him well enough yet to say "Hey, your being an a$$hole". What do I do? Go ahead and let him know he's an a$$hole or carry on and hope his a$$holey tendencies fade? The crux of the issue, is I'm going to have to spend the week with him at a conference for work....starting tomorrow.
Personally, I would want to know whether I'm being an a$$hole...but some people would rather be oblivious to their a$$holitude.
What is the Grognardhead recommended course of action?
Tell him he's acting like an a$$hole. don't call him an a$$hole, but point out the a$$holishness of his behavior with something along the lines of "I'm sure you don't realize what a tool you're being, but..." and focus on the behavior instead of the dude.
Maybe tell him you prefer to be the biggest a$$hole in the room and that you're not appreciating the competition?
Dear Working With An A$$hole,
Depends.
If you like him and want to hook up with him then you might want to get him hooked on your mad skillz in bed. Then gently tell him he's an a$$hole.
Usually, however, honesty is the best policy. Clearly there's something in his behavior that is bothering you. Does it bother others too? Is it quantifiable - like he lets a nasty fart go every time you're hitting on a girl? Or is it more subtle, like some weird annoying laugh?
Generally intangibles are tougher to correct than something tangible.
It could be your best course of action is to get him really drunk, have him take compromising photos with his phone, and then have him text them to the seniormost female HR officer in your company. That should get him fired and then you won't have to deal with him any more.
lol!
Your both right...except about the mad skillz in bed... I have a 5 year old daughter and Republic Jr on the way any day now... The bedroom is a distant...distant memory.
My problem is I usually just let things slide until I get too angry and then just disappear into a project for a day or two....never actually fixing the issue (or the project). But this guy I'll have to see every day so, I better nip it in the bud Barney Fife style.
this will probably surprise most but, I have no problem telling people when theyre being an asshole.
Is there a way, subtle or in your face, to reward him for not being an a-hole?
Just telling someone rarely works on it's own. To change there often needs some payoff.
Quote from: GDS_Starfury on July 08, 2013, 05:44:29 PM
this will probably surprise most but, I have no problem telling people when theyre being an asshole.
I bet you practice in front of the mirror ;)
not anymore. now I practice at the wargamer. ;)
Quote from: GDS_Starfury on July 08, 2013, 11:55:11 PM
not anymore. now I practice at the wargamer. ;)
And what good practice you get :)
indeed.
What is the nature of his assholeyness?
Quote from: MetalDog on July 08, 2013, 11:45:54 PM
Quote from: GDS_Starfury on July 08, 2013, 05:44:29 PM
this will probably surprise most but, I have no problem telling people when theyre being an asshole.
I bet you practice in front of the mirror ;)
i do ! ;D (...in German for more authenticity ;) )
republic,
try to minimize the exposure, family life is a good excuse for hanging around any more, at the workplace check if his personality traits hurts the performance of the projects
Like undercovergeek I would also like to know the nature of the assholery.
Quote from: undercovergeek on July 09, 2013, 01:41:22 AM
What is the nature of his assholeyness?
Its hard to explain. I think the best phrase would be that he makes mountains out of molehills. And whatever molehill he has currently turned into a mountain, is more important than anything anyone else on earth is facing at the moment.
The issue at hand is that I 'inconvenienced' him recently and now he's made a mountain out of that inconvenience. We have to go to a conference this week, and I'm coming up a day late because I have a dr. appointment. That's pretty much it. He asked me to reschedule, to go early, everything... I can't because the dr. is hard to get into and it would be a month delay to get back in and I don't feel comfortable taking an 'emergency' slot just so I can get to a conference a day early.
The other thing, is that the conference is just a 'gift' from our boss. A few days to get out of the office on the company dime to eat and relax...so it isn't even important. Not even a molehill...more like an anthill.
I'm detecting high degrees of "waaaah" from your wingman there.
Got it.
The best solution is C: compromising pix sent to HR.
Its annoying because I have 2 woman at home, and I work with mostly women...I love women but the last thing I want to do is hang out with a "woman" after work.
Quote from: republic on July 09, 2013, 07:41:48 AM
Its hard to explain. I think the best phrase would be that he makes mountains out of molehills. And whatever molehill he has currently turned into a mountain, is more important than anything anyone else on earth is facing at the moment.
Wow, you're working with Sheldon Cooper ;)
(https://www.grogheads.com/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fspacefart.files.wordpress.com%2F2011%2F06%2Fsheldon_cooper_112890378.jpg&hash=0a475a46dd3143e03044bb08a7cc3129c219cfd5) :o
Is it written in stone that you have to travel together ? (probably by train ;-) )
First things first, see the Doc! ....and arrive a day later.
If he complains further tell him: Grow a pair and: I am not your nanny
Quote from: republic on July 09, 2013, 08:06:59 AM
Its annoying because I have 2 woman at home, and I work with mostly women...I love women but the last thing I want to do is hang out with a "woman" after work.
lmao i was going to ask if he was really a 'she'
Tell him to go screw. You'll feel much better and then may not have to go to the doctor at all.
Quote from: MetalDog on July 08, 2013, 11:45:54 PM
Quote from: GDS_Starfury on July 08, 2013, 05:44:29 PM
this will probably surprise most but, I have no problem telling people when theyre being an asshole.
I bet you practice in front of the mirror ;)
I think he practices while signing that Zappa song to himself!.. "You're an A$$hole, you're and A$$hole. That's right!!!" ;)
edited forgot smiley face ;)
He sounds like a whiner and nobody likes working with a whiner and I'd let him know. Tell him that if he has a problem with your dr's appointment "inconvienencing" him, then he can take it up the chain and see what the boss has to say about it. Otherwise, STFU.
Dear Republic,
Tell him to stop being a bitch. If he persists, punch him in the face until he stops. Either way, finish the day with a beer of your choice.
Well I'm back form the trip and it wasn't so bad...actually it was probably a good thing that I arrived late so that he could chill out. I guess he's just a 'moody' sort of guy because he was apparently just all worked up, taking the trip WAY too seriously.
It caught me off guard because I generally only get concerned about my wife/kids health and occasionally money. Not much else really stresses me too much.
I ask this honestly.
after wife, kids, health and money what is there left to get stressed out about?
You right. After those, everything else is minor.
Quote from: GDS_Starfury on July 11, 2013, 11:23:43 PM
I ask this honestly.
after wife, kids, health and money what is there left to get stressed out about?
How much the new Civ V DLC is on sale for on Steam after you've already bought it from GameFly....apparently.