Always try to look at the bright side...

[Jarhead0331]

Sorry for your loss. Sounds like you guys were close, i'm a bit envious as my father and i are not close as he took off when i was a child. I hope you have a lot of nice memories to recall as you adjust to your new normal. Doesn't look like my father will make years end, and i'm not really sure how i feel about it.

Peace

We weren't as close as we should or could have been. I speak to my mother once or twice a week, but he usually wouldn't get on the phone. I wasn't encouraged to seek him out because our phone conversations were typically pretty dull...you know..."how are you? How is work? How are the girls? Love you, bye..." Also, for years, he wasn't well enough to get on a plane, so unless I went to visit my folks, I wouldn't see him. On average, I maybe saw him once a year, if even. He got seriously ill back in 2007 and we didn't think he was going to pull through then. He was given another chance though, and the opportunity to change his lifestyle and improve his health, but he didn't. When it is your time to go, you go, but his own life decisions certainly played a big role in his demise. This frustrated me to no end.

Your relationship with your dad is clearly very different from my own. However, I will say that life is short...really damn short, and I wish I had just one more conversation with him. I wish I can specifically remember that last talk we had...instead of only recalling generally that it was pleasant. I wish I had spoken with him every day, no matter how meaningless and pointless it might have been because I will never get that opportunity again. The door swings both ways, but I can't help thinking that I wasn't the best son I could have been and this fills me with tremendous regret and deep remorse.  You may still have time to do your part to avoid this...if you try and it isn't reciprocated, at least you know you made the noble effort.

[Gusington]

Was your Dad in the Marine Corps?

[Jarhead0331]

Was your Dad in the Marine Corps?

No. If he didn't have a high lottery number during 'Nam, he probably would have been a draft dodger. 

[Gusington]

heh

[GroggyGrognard]

Jarhead, my sincere condolences for your loss. Losing a parent is tough no matter how close or estranged you are from them. I lost my mother when I was 21 years old and she was only 50 years old. I had a closer relationship with her than my father.

To this day, my father and I have never been close. We mostly email each other with updates now and then, and hardly talk on the phone. I like what you stated about life being too damn short and wishing you had one more conversation with him. I need to constantly remind myself of that and actually make an effort to touch base with my own father more frequently.


Groggy

[JasonPratt]

Strength and honor and peace to you and your family at this time.

That plane crash which claimed your Dad's family sure sounds rare. Do you have any details you can share? Was his Dad (and/or maybe Mom) a pilot, or flying with someone else?

[-budd-]

Sorry for your loss. Sounds like you guys were close, i'm a bit envious as my father and i are not close as he took off when i was a child. I hope you have a lot of nice memories to recall as you adjust to your new normal. Doesn't look like my father will make years end, and i'm not really sure how i feel about it.

Peace

We weren't as close as we should or could have been. I speak to my mother once or twice a week, but he usually wouldn't get on the phone. I wasn't encouraged to seek him out because our phone conversations were typically pretty dull...you know..."how are you? How is work? How are the girls? Love you, bye..." Also, for years, he wasn't well enough to get on a plane, so unless I went to visit my folks, I wouldn't see him. On average, I maybe saw him once a year, if even. He got seriously ill back in 2007 and we didn't think he was going to pull through then. He was given another chance though, and the opportunity to change his lifestyle and improve his health, but he didn't. When it is your time to go, you go, but his own life decisions certainly played a big role in his demise. This frustrated me to no end.

Your relationship with your dad is clearly very different from my own. However, I will say that life is short...really damn short, and I wish I had just one more conversation with him. I wish I can specifically remember that last talk we had...instead of only recalling generally that it was pleasant. I wish I had spoken with him every day, no matter how meaningless and pointless it might have been because I will never get that opportunity again. The door swings both ways, but I can't help thinking that I wasn't the best son I could have been and this fills me with tremendous regret and deep remorse.  You may still have time to do your part to avoid this...if you try and it isn't reciprocated, at least you know you made the noble effort.

Appreciate you taking the time to reply JH. Pretty much what you said has been rolling around in my head for a few weeks now. I do feel like i'm on the clock, and there's more than a few excuses to let the clock run out but that doesn't seem like the right thing to do. Whatever water under the bridge, he just a sick old man who i can probably make his last days a little brighter, even if i have to fake it. Seems like a small price to pay to do a noble thing and make it a little easier to live with myself. The hard part will be trying to get my sister to put the past aside and go with me, but i'd go without her, she has to make her own decisions and whatever she would choose would be fine with me.

Thanks for helping me see what i already knew

P.S. How's your mother holding up?

[airboy]

My condolences.  My God have mercy on his soul.  I'll pray for him at my next Mass.

I'm saddened to hear he had a tough life.  Losing your family at an early age is hard.  I'm sure he kept up with you through your Mother.  My Dad mostly listened on my phone calls.  I wrote about every other week in college and my Mom wrote all of the responses - but he read every letter before it arrived home.  After Mom lost her mind Dad was the one I spoke to on the phone every week.  So your Dad may have been closer than you think through your communication with your Mother.  It was that way for me unknowingly for decades.

Two weeks ago a brother gave me the letters he found in my parents house (he bought it) that I wrote for my College years.  About 3/4ths were there.  I'm still not emotionally ready to reread them.

Losing a parent is never easy and it is something almost all of us go through.  Nothing can prepare you for it.

[Jarhead0331]

Strength and honor and peace to you and your family at this time.

That plane crash which claimed your Dad's family sure sounds rare. Do you have any details you can share? Was his Dad (and/or maybe Mom) a pilot, or flying with someone else?

The crash occurred on June 20, 1956. The aircraft was a Lockheed L1049 Super Constellation flying from New Jersey, Ashbury Park to Caracas, Venezuela. Approximately 200 miles off the coast of the US, one of the inboard motors began to overheat. The pilot, following protocol, radioed a mayday, turned around and headed back to NJ, and began dumping fuel in case of an emergency landing. My understanding is that the fuel bled over the fuselage entering the overheating engine and caused a catastrophic explosion. All 74 souls onboard were lost. It was the worst commercial air disaster up to that date.

At the time of the accident there was no NTSB. Accident investigations were handled by the US Coast Guard. I obtained what few records I could, which included transcripts of radio transmissions from the pilot of the doomed aircraft, as well as nearby planes and vessels who responded to the mayday and/or witnessed the explosion. It was a very high profile accident as not only was it severe, with great loss of life, but there were several wealthy Americans on board. My father lost his entire family and was orphaned. I have the original newspaper clippings.

My daughter is named Amelia Lynne. Amelia, for the heroine of aviation and Lynne for my father's 4 year old sister who was lost onboard. Our daughter who will be born any day now will have the middle name Lucille...after my father, Lawrence.

[Jarhead0331]

P.S. How's your mother holding up?

She is handling it in her own unique way. Very chatty and with humor. Not my style or way of managing my grief, at all, and it was really grating on my nerves, but I bit my tongue and let her manage it in her way.

I don't think it will really set in for her until the last person leaves, the door closes and she is in the house alone. It will be sometime before that happens, but it will certainly happen eventually.

My hope is that she will eventually thrive. Truthfully, my dad's physical and mental state held her back for at least 2 decades. She is very social and vivacious. My dad...not so much.

Thanks for asking.

[Sir Slash]

My condolences on the loss of your Father JH. Losing a parent is never easy for any of us no matter how prepared we think we are for it. I still miss both my parents and think about them almost every day-- it makes them still feel close. They would laugh their asses off at me trying to be a good grandparent today. Hang onto the good memories, try to be understanding about any bad ones, and be glad we had them for as long as we did.

[jomni]

Well that's life. Condolences and all the best. Cherish the memories but don't let the loss affect the future.

[FlickJax]

Fathers are often aloof, my dad is the same. We talk but not enough but so glad to still have him.

Feel for you and your family Jar.

[Geezer]

Sorry for your loss. and hopefully your mom is doing OK.

As an aside I, like your dad, also pulled a high number in the lottery and did not go to 'Nam.  I was in ROTC in college at the time, figuring if I had to go it might as well be as an officer, but dropped it after the lottery.

[Tpek]

I'm very sorry for your loss JH, my condolences.  :-[