Dear Groghead Abby...

[republic]

Ok so I have a guy friend from work, and over the last year or so we started hanging out outside of work from time to time.  Anyway, he's been an a$$hole lately, but I don't know him well enough yet to say "Hey, your being an a$$hole".  What do I do?  Go ahead and let him know he's an a$$hole or carry on and hope his a$$holey tendencies fade?  The crux of the issue, is I'm going to have to spend the week with him at a conference for work....starting tomorrow.

Personally, I would want to know whether I'm being an a$$hole...but some people would rather be oblivious to their a$$holitude.

What is the Grognardhead recommended course of action?

[bayonetbrant]

Tell him he's acting like an a$$hole.  don't call him an a$$hole, but point out the a$$holishness of his behavior with something along the lines of "I'm sure you don't realize what a tool you're being, but..." and focus on the behavior instead of the dude. 
Maybe tell him you prefer to be the biggest a$$hole in the room and that you're not appreciating the competition?

[LongBlade]

Dear Working With An A$$hole,

Depends.

If you like him and want to hook up with him then you might want to get him hooked on your mad skillz in bed. Then gently tell him he's an a$$hole.

Usually, however, honesty is the best policy. Clearly there's something in his behavior that is bothering you. Does it bother others too? Is it quantifiable - like he lets a nasty fart go every time you're hitting on a girl? Or is it more subtle, like some weird annoying laugh?

Generally intangibles are tougher to correct than something tangible.

It could be your best course of action is to get him really drunk, have him take compromising photos with his phone, and then have him text them to the seniormost female HR officer in your company. That should get him fired and then you won't have to deal with him any more.

[republic]

lol!

Your both right...except about the mad skillz in bed...  I have a 5 year old daughter and Republic Jr on the way any day now...  The bedroom is a distant...distant memory.

My problem is I usually just let things slide until I get too angry and then just disappear into a project for a day or two....never actually fixing the issue (or the project).  But this guy I'll have to see every day so, I better nip it in the bud Barney Fife style.

[GDS_Starfury]

this will probably surprise most but, I have no problem telling people when theyre being an asshole.

[besilarius]

Is there a way, subtle or in your face, to reward him for not being an a-hole?
Just telling someone rarely works on it's own.  To change there often needs some payoff.

[MetalDog]

this will probably surprise most but, I have no problem telling people when theyre being an asshole.

I bet you practice in front of the mirror ;)

[GDS_Starfury]

not anymore.  now I practice at the wargamer.  ;)

[MetalDog]

not anymore.  now I practice at the wargamer.  ;)

And what good practice you get :)

[GDS_Starfury]

indeed.

[undercovergeek]

What is the nature of his assholeyness?

[MikeGER]

this will probably surprise most but, I have no problem telling people when theyre being an asshole.

I bet you practice in front of the mirror ;)

i do !   ;D  (...in German for more authenticity ;) )

republic,
try to minimize the exposure, family life is a good excuse for hanging around any more, at the workplace check if his personality traits hurts the performance of the projects   

[Gusington]

Like undercovergeek I would also like to know the nature of the assholery.

[republic]

What is the nature of his assholeyness?

Its hard to explain.  I think the best phrase would be that he makes mountains out of molehills.  And whatever molehill he has currently turned into a mountain, is more important than anything anyone else on earth is facing at the moment.

The issue at hand is that I 'inconvenienced' him recently and now he's made a mountain out of that inconvenience.  We have to go to a conference this week, and I'm coming up a day late because I have a dr. appointment.  That's pretty much it.  He asked me to reschedule, to go early, everything...  I can't because the dr. is hard to get into and it would be a month delay to get back in and I don't feel comfortable taking an 'emergency' slot just so I can get to a conference a day early.

The other thing, is that the conference is just a 'gift' from our boss.  A few days to get out of the office on the company dime to eat and relax...so it isn't even important.  Not even a molehill...more like an anthill.

[bayonetbrant]

I'm detecting high degrees of "waaaah" from your wingman there.