Consolidated Thread of All Things Joke-like :)

Started by bayonetbrant, January 31, 2012, 01:01:37 PM

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bayonetbrant

#105
January 21, 2013, 04:02:45 PM
Q: What food kills a woman's sex drive?

A: Wedding cake.
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

bayonetbrant

#106
January 21, 2013, 04:03:58 PM
Windy walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist "Listen, I'm having three girls over tonight. I need help."

The pharmacist hands Windy a bottle of Viagra and says "Take all of these and you'll go beserk for 12 hours."

The next dayWindy walk into the drugstore, limps up to to the pharmacist and drops his pants. His penis is all bruised and tied into a knot and skin is hanging off in some places. "Gimme a tube of 'Icy Hot'." He says.

The phramacist replies in horror "You can't put 'Icy Hot' on that!"

"No, it's for my wrists" Windy moans. "The girls never showed up."
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

bayonetbrant

#107
January 21, 2013, 04:06:58 PM
A wargamer was sitting under a tree, reading the rules to the latest ASL module when his friend rode up on a bicycle.

"Cool bike, Jim", the wargamer says, "Where did you get it?"

His friend said, "I was walking over here when a beautiful girl rides up on this bike, throws off her clothes and says 'You can have anything you want'".

"Good choice, Jim, the clothes would never have fit you"
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

Longdan

#108
January 21, 2013, 04:13:23 PM
A man and a woman are drinking at a bar.
The woman suddenly tears off her clothes and says
"Make me feel like a woman!!!!"
The man tears off his clothes and throws them on the floor and says
"Wash 'em, dry 'em, fold 'em and put them in the drawer."
digni enim sunt interdicunt

Windigo

#109
January 21, 2013, 04:24:03 PM
So I went to brants online store and ordered a motivational product.....








NOTE: this is not intended as anything other than a joke....
My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex.

My wife insists that it says dyslexia but what does she know.

TheCommandTent

#110
January 21, 2013, 07:38:33 PM
Wow brant you were on some kind of corny roll there.
"No wants, no needs, we weren't meant for that, none of us.  Man stagnates if he has no ambition, no desire to be more than he is."

bayonetbrant

#111
January 21, 2013, 08:14:38 PM
cut-and-paste my friend...  why reinvent when you can steal?
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

bayonetbrant

#112
January 21, 2013, 08:15:03 PM
remember

to steal from one is plagiarism

to steal from many is research
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

besilarius

#113
January 21, 2013, 09:11:31 PM
Or, as Unca Joe Stalin put it, the death of an individual is a tragedy.
The death of a million are a statistic.
"Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out until too late that he's been playing with two queens all along".  Terry Pratchett.

During filming of Airplane, Leslie Nielsen used a whoopee cushion to keep the cast off-balance. Hays said that Nielsen "played that thing like a maestro"

Tallulah Bankhead: "I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me."

"When all other trusts fail, turn to Flashman." — Abraham Lincoln.

"I have enjoyed very warm relations with my two husbands."
"With your eyes closed?"
"That helped."  Lauren Bacall

Master Chiefs are sneaky, dastardly, and snarky miscreants who thrive on the tears of Ensigns and belly dancers.   Admiral Gerry Bogan.

Windigo

#114
January 29, 2013, 05:12:55 PM
My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex.

My wife insists that it says dyslexia but what does she know.

Mr. Bigglesworth

#115
January 29, 2013, 05:24:05 PM
"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more; "
- Shakespeare's Henry V, Act III, 1598

Windigo

#116
January 29, 2013, 06:04:36 PM
My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex.

My wife insists that it says dyslexia but what does she know.

Martok

#117
January 30, 2013, 10:59:19 AM
Hee!  Nice find Windy. 

"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces

Longdan

#118
January 30, 2013, 11:04:05 AM
Hmmm  fat and bitchy.  Now what is the correlation between beer and weddings?
Too many beer leads to marriage? ......
digni enim sunt interdicunt

Martok

#119
January 30, 2013, 04:05:03 PM
Quote from: Longdan on January 30, 2013, 11:04:05 AM
Now what is the correlation between beer and weddings?
Too many beer leads to marriage? ......
I always thought that went without saying. 

"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces
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