Consolidated Thread of All Things Joke-like :)

[Barthheart]

[besilarius]

The genes will out.

[Windigo]

Tru dat!

[bayonetbrant]

A Vulcan, a Terran and an Indeterminate Life Form walk into a bar. The bartender says,
"Hey, we don't serve indeterminate life forms here!"
The Vulcan replies, "Satisfactory logic. We do not eat them."

[Martok]

Ha! 

<rimshot>

[GDS_Starfury]

[bayonetbrant]

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000.00; is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000.00" ;
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000.00 for it."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000.00 They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turns and asks, "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

[GDS_Starfury]

and...   ???

[Mr. Bigglesworth]

and...   ???

LOL

[GDS_Starfury]

he forgot the punchline:

The man turns and asks,


"Anyone know whose phone this is?"

[bayonetbrant]

fixed - it was a cut & paste fail on my part

[bob48]

They just don't write cut & paste jokes like they used to.

[Mr. Bigglesworth]

he forgot the punchline:

The man turns and asks,


"Anyone know whose phone this is?"

Doesnt work. That would be ok if the wife said that.

As it was it sounded like a couple putting on airs.

[bayonetbrant]

The madam opened the brothel door in Salt Lake City and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
"May I help you sir?," she asked.
The man replied, "I want to see Valerie."
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else,"
said the madam.
He replied, "No, I must see Valerie."
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive.
"There are no discounts. The price is still $5000."
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again.
Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie
and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row."
"Where are you from?"
The man replied," Idaho ."
"Really," she said. "I have family in Idaho."
"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I am her attorney."
"She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three (3) things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer!

[Staggerwing]

Q: How do you keep a lawyer from drowning?
A: First, take your foot off his head...