Consolidated Thread of All Things Joke-like :)

Started by bayonetbrant, January 31, 2012, 01:01:37 PM

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Windigo

#150
October 08, 2013, 12:50:28 PM
 . . . . heh

My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex.

My wife insists that it says dyslexia but what does she know.

Windigo

#151
October 08, 2013, 01:00:54 PM
The hardcore geeks I hope will like this one....
apparently an electric circuit of sorts


My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex.

My wife insists that it says dyslexia but what does she know.

bayonetbrant

#152
October 15, 2013, 01:02:43 PM
Buddha walks into a pizza joint and says, "Make me one with everything."



follow-up:

Cashier: "That'll be $9.50"
Buddha hands him a ten. Waits. Waits. He says, "Where's my change?"
Cashier replies, "Change must come from within"
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

bayonetbrant

#153
October 15, 2013, 01:03:06 PM
So these two dyslexics walk into a bra...
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

bayonetbrant

#154
October 15, 2013, 01:03:58 PM
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course", comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland", replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of Course", replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin", comes the reply.

"I can't believe it", says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course", replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's", replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

"What's been going on?", he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The Fitzpatrick twins are drunk again."
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

bayonetbrant

#155
October 15, 2013, 01:04:32 PM
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. He walks up to the bar, sits down, and orders a pint. As the bartender gets a good look at the pirate, he notices the wheel and asks, "Hey matey, do you realize you've got a steering wheel in your pants there?"

Pirate says, "Arr... it's drivin' me nuts."
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

bayonetbrant

#156
October 15, 2013, 01:05:40 PM Last Edit: October 15, 2013, 01:07:59 PM by bayonetbrant
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"




A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, you're a grasshopper! You know, we have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper says, "Really? You have a drink named Murray?"
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

bob48

#157
October 15, 2013, 01:06:13 PM
<groan>
'We few, we happy few, we band of brothers'

'Clip those corners'

Recombobulate the discombobulators!

bayonetbrant

#158
October 15, 2013, 01:07:38 PM
Windi goes into a pharmacy for some Viagra.

"Can I get it over the counter?", he asked

"You can if you take three", said the pharmacist
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

bayonetbrant

#159
October 15, 2013, 01:08:10 PM
Tori Spelling walks into a bar and the barmaid says "why the long face?"
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

bayonetbrant

#160
October 15, 2013, 01:08:34 PM
What did the snail say when he was riding on the turtle's back?

Wheeeeeeeeee!
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

Martok

#161
October 15, 2013, 01:52:26 PM
Quote from: bayonetbrant on October 15, 2013, 01:04:32 PM
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. He walks up to the bar, sits down, and orders a pint. As the bartender gets a good look at the pirate, he notices the wheel and asks, "Hey matey, do you realize you've got a steering wheel in your pants there?"

Pirate says, "Arr... it's drivin' me nuts."
<groan>

Just for that, you should be slapped with a herring... 

"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces

BanzaiCat

#162
October 15, 2013, 01:54:52 PM
Two guys walk into a bar.

The third one ducks.

bayonetbrant

#163
October 18, 2013, 12:53:33 PM
There some great tweets in here

http://www.mandatory.com/2013/10/18/this-weeks-20-funniest-tweets/#photo=1













One for Steelie




and one for Gus

The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

bayonetbrant

#164
October 18, 2013, 01:05:04 PM
and there's a lot of really funny stuff here, too:  https://twitter.com/OhNoSheTwitnt
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers
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