A little World War II humor

Started by besilarius, October 29, 2013, 05:41:18 PM

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besilarius

October 29, 2013, 05:41:18 PM
http://www.strangehistory.net/2013/10/28/jokes-from-world-war-2/

Rather like the Polish submarine commander.
"Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out until too late that he's been playing with two queens all along".  Terry Pratchett.

During filming of Airplane, Leslie Nielsen used a whoopee cushion to keep the cast off-balance. Hays said that Nielsen "played that thing like a maestro"

Tallulah Bankhead: "I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me."

"When all other trusts fail, turn to Flashman." — Abraham Lincoln.

"I have enjoyed very warm relations with my two husbands."
"With your eyes closed?"
"That helped."  Lauren Bacall

Master Chiefs are sneaky, dastardly, and snarky miscreants who thrive on the tears of Ensigns and belly dancers.   Admiral Gerry Bogan.

Martok

#1
October 29, 2013, 08:15:13 PM
Good stuff bes; thanks for sharing! 


This one was definitely my favorite: 
QuoteA Polish submarine captain is asked: 'you see in your periscope a German and a Soviet cruiser. Which one do you attack first?' 'Of course the German one' the Pole answers, 'duty comes always before pleasure.'

:D 

"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces

Staggerwing

#2
October 29, 2013, 08:27:12 PM
'Finns guarding your flank' is pure gold as well.
Vituð ér enn - eða hvat?  -Voluspa

Nothing really rocks and nothing really rolls and nothing's ever worth the cost...

"Don't you look at me that way..." -the Abyss
 
'When searching for a meaningful embrace, sometimes my self respect took second place' -Iggy Pop, Cry for Love

... this will go down on your permanent record... -the Violent Femmes, 'Kiss Off'-

"I'm not just anyone, I'm not just anyone-
I got my time machine, got my 'electronic dream!"
-Sonic Reducer, -Dead Boys

LongBlade

#3
October 29, 2013, 09:36:42 PM
Those are fun. Thanks, Bes.
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

Centurion40

#4
October 30, 2013, 10:48:05 AM
An Italian tank and a German tank collide during a sandstorm in the North African desert.  The Italian tank commander jumps out yelling "I surrender!  I surrender!"  The German tank commander shoots him.
Any time is a good time for pie.

Windigo

#5
November 01, 2013, 01:05:59 PM
Monty tells the Canadian Officer that they shall lead an attack on a paticular town in France. The American and British officers shows puzzled concern. The Russian Officer, is positively fearful. "The Canadians won't have sufficient manpower to do it. At best they have  a 1-1 ratio of troops vs. defenders. Far below our doctrine levels of at least 3-1... hell 10-1 for our Ivan friends"

The Canadian officer sniffs, "been doing it all war boys, why change it now."
My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex.

My wife insists that it says dyslexia but what does she know.
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