Hahahaha! Stop! I can't take it!

bayonetbrant · March 19, 2015, 06:58:26 PM

http://www.eutimes.net/2015/03/top-us-commander-under-arrest-for-refusing-to-fire-nukes-at-russia/

QuoteA new report circulating in the Kremlin today prepared by the Foreign Intelligence Service (SVR) for the Ministry of Defense (MoD) states that President Barack Obama's nuclear war communication commander has been arrested and relieved of her command after failing to transmit launch codes authorizing an atomic weapons first-strike attack upon the Federation in coordination with a similar "surprise" attack planned by the United Kingdom.
According to the SVR, US Navy Captain Heather E. Cole [photo 1st right] was the commander of the US Navy's Strategic Communications Wing 1 located at Tinker Air Force Base in Oklahoma whose E-6B Mercury aircraft provide the communications links allowing President Obama and US Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter to directly contact the submarines, bombers and land-based missiles that comprise the United States strategic nuclear force.
On Monday, 16 March, this report states, Captain Cole received from the Pentagon a launch order authorizing a "limited" nuclear strike against the Federation, but which failed due to a critical Permissive Action Link (PAL) failure thus causing her to abort this planned attack.
As a PAL is a security device for nuclear weapons whose purpose is to prevent unauthorized arming or detonation of the nuclear weapons, SVR experts in this report explain, the critical failure in this instance was an added security measure ordered by the former US Secretary of Defense, Chuck Hagel, prior to his being forced out of office last month over his refusal to have any part in this attack against Russia.
This report further explains that Secretary Carter was not aware of Secretary Hagel's PAL security changes thus allowing Captain Cole to abort this planned nuclear attack.
For her failure to communicate the launch authorization to US nuclear forces, this report continues, Captain Cole was arrested on Tuesday, 17 March, relieved of her command and then taken by armed guard to US Naval Air Station (NAS) Miramar in San Diego (California) where she remains incommunicado.
The SVR in their report on Captain Cole's refusal to start World War III further states that her actions mirrors those of Soviet Naval Captain Vasili Arkhipov, who during the Cuban Missile Crisis, in 1962, also refused to obey orders to launch nuclear weapons against the United States.
Upon Captain Cole being arrested, a MoD appendix to this SVR report says, President Putin ordered the Federations strategic nuclear bomber forces to their "fail-safe" locations in the Arctic (the fastest air route to the US from Russia), an expansion of the Northern Fleet's combat operations into the Norwegian Sea, and continued combat air operations against NATO forces on the northern border.

mirth · March 19, 2015, 07:12:51 PM

That site is comedy gold!

http://www.eutimes.net/2015/03/cheney-gives-the-orders-not-obama-us-official-rages-at-kremlin/

Staggerwing · March 19, 2015, 07:57:43 PM

Just for the record, the 'EU Times' is actually run by some USA- based neo-nazi types:

http://www.splcenter.org/blog/2009/12/16/racist-skinheads-wife-behind-european-news-website/

mirth · March 19, 2015, 08:45:03 PM

Well that kinda takes the edge off the humor.

Uberhaus · March 22, 2015, 12:45:32 AM

Quote from: mirth on March 19, 2015, 08:45:03 PM
Well that kinda takes the edge off the humor.

What Neo-Nazis can't be funny?

Martok · March 22, 2015, 07:52:29 AM

Uberhaus, you just need to remove the "s" in the "https" portion of the link:

Staggerwing · March 22, 2015, 08:06:58 AM

I hate Illinois Nazis.

jejo68 · March 22, 2015, 05:16:24 PM

its actually not funny at all. In russia you have alot of people WHO are convinced they can actually win a nuclear war. were talking people in the inner circle of government too, so no its not funny at all.

Oh and the russian ambassador to Denmark just threatened us yesterday that if we join the missile defense shield they might target our ships.

Uberhaus · March 22, 2015, 05:50:26 PM

Quote from: Martok on March 22, 2015, 07:52:29 AM
Uberhaus, you just need to remove the "s" in the "https" portion of the link:

Thanks Martok. One day I'll be competent. Barely.

Uberhaus · March 22, 2015, 05:53:17 PM

FFS!

mirth · March 22, 2015, 05:59:22 PM

Quote from: Staggerwing on March 22, 2015, 08:06:58 AM
I hate Illinois Nazis.

We named the dog Indiana.

GDS_Starfury · March 22, 2015, 07:00:02 PM

HA! O0

Martok · March 23, 2015, 12:29:27 PM

Quote from: Uberhaus on March 22, 2015, 05:50:26 PM
Quote from: Martok on March 22, 2015, 07:52:29 AM
Uberhaus, you just need to remove the "s" in the "https" portion of the link:

Thanks Martok. One day I'll be competent. Barely.

Don't feel bad, man. I was just educated in this myself by MetalDog a couple days ago. I'm merely doing my part to spread the knowledge to the rest of our compatriots here. :)