Hogwarts in America

[bayonetbrant]

What if Hogwarts was in the US?

Some of these are funny.  Some are clearly politically-motivated BS. 

1. Everyone's patronus would be an eagle.
- vada_vada
2. It would be sponsored by Wizards of the Coast and Gatorade.
- scandalousmambo
3. The nurses/healing spells would be privatized so only the upper-class students could afford to use them.
- tempolevy
4. Avada Kedavra would be a constitutional right, but you can only use it if you pass a background check, and then only for self defense, or for hunting.
- Thetomas
5. They wouldn't teach defense against the dark arts, because "the only 100% defense against the dark arts is abstinence from all magic".
- TeelxFlame
6. Obviously the mail would be delivered by eagles.
- Azimuth2888
7. Quidditch would be renamed and a new sport named Quidditch that has nothing to do with the original sport would be created and become the national game for the wizard school(s).
- spirafortunae
8. It would be under constant harassment from Christian fundamentalists.
- KubrickIsMyCopolit
9. You would need to take out massive loans to attend.
- hobbeswasright_
10. Students wouldn't go shopping for their crap in some back alley marketplace; there would be a Mall of Wizardry with department stores. Or perhaps a Witch-Mart.
11. Care of Magical Creatures would cover Sasquatch and jackalopes.
- Mule2go
12. Bigger portions of food at the banquets.
- skipweasel
13. Protests demanding that everyone have the same looking Patronus so as not to make someone feel less important.
- spamjam09
14. The school would be under a pervasive sense of surveillance, with a zero tolerance policy for illicit magic on the back of every student's mind. You could get suspended just for pointing your finger in the shape of a wand; forget actually casting anything outside of the classroom. You think the administration would go 5 years completely ignoring the rise of radical Dark Lord fanatics? Anyone who even sneezed and it sounded like Voldemort would be ratted out by their peers and placed on a No Broomstick list.
- accaris
15. Ron could not afford to go.
- moxious_maneuver