Total War: Warhammer

[Gusington]

This place is really, really the closest thing to an online bar...

[bob48]

This place is really, really the closest thing to an online bar...

Here then, Gus. let me get you a virtual drink...what would you like?


............there must be a joke here somewhere that starts off 'Two grogs walk into a virtual bar, and.............'

[Gusington]

Short pint, of course.

[Freyland]

In this thread it has to be a beer from Bugman's Brewery. None of those watered down manling beers!

[Gusington]

HA 'manling'...I'm surprised I've made it to 42 and not been called that yet.

[Sir Slash]

I wish that virtual bartender would fill the peanut bowl while he's drawing my virtual draft.

[Freyland]

When do we get to the f'd up weirdo creatures that trouble me so?

I'm pretty sure we passed those already with the Wood Elf hash-in: those are meldings of elf and nature-spirit. Except altered for the Hopelessly Fatal Spiral War of Doomy Doom.

Indeed, that is true!  Gus, I plan to review dlc in depth at the end of this.  Just trying to set the piece right now.

Malekith, the leader of the Dark Elves, after a series of 3 AM tweets decrying how unfair being stuck on a miserable island was, decided to be more proactive in his quest for the Elven throne.  He started raiding dwarven caravans while looking like, well, Elves to cause strife between the Elves and Dwarves.  When the Dwarves sent a delegate to Ulthuan to protest these raids, the Phoenix King at that time said, "You mad, Bro?" and promptly shaved the delegates' beards.  Remember that Book of Grudges?  Yeah, about that... So the Dwarves went all apeshit on the Elves, especially on the settlements located on the Old World.  Since the Elves were not pushovers, it got really messy for both sides of the coin, though the Dwarfs eventually won.  Again, dwarfs and elves not best buddies, and neither of them could afford all the lives lost. For the Dwarves, this was about to get much worse....

We've kinda been skipping Man, and will continue to do so until I say otherwise!  Ahem... but I need to review an issue that was developing during all this (again, over long periods of time).  There was this very successful tribe of humans in the Southern regions of the Old World, actually more a civilization than a tribe at this point.  And they were well pleased with their lot in life, and wanted to make a super-duper tall monument to their gods as a way of saying thanks, or at least poking some clouds in the butt.  If I recall, they were having some trouble with the actual engineering of said monument, until a Mysterious Stranger (tm) arrived, and offered his help.  He claimed he could finish the tower overnight, but to do so he would have to install this giant-ass bell that apparently he had stashed somewhere.  The people agreed, and the following morning there stood their insanely tall tower with a ginormous bell on top.  To celebrate, the peoples rung the bell.  This apparently was a Bell of Summoning, because this brought to the Old World the Great Horned Rat, god of the Skaven.  Uh, the Skaven that actually didn't exist yet.  Well, they started developing at the ring of the bell and just got out of hand from there.  Basically, Skaven are humanoid-sized rats, with terrible housing plans and a sense of self-entitlement.  They are evil to the core, incredibly numerous, clever, scheming, uncaring about each other and absolutely narcissistic to the point of not cooperating with each other well at all.  This is good, because if they did, the world would have been toast a long time ago.  In any case, the newly created Skaven eventually ate the human civilization, as well as the nearby Dwarf settlement, and the land rotted and turned into this giant swamp in which the city sank.  The Skaven were fond of underground travel, and quickly came upon the previously mentioned Dwarf "Underway" of tunnels.  Guess where these led to?  Everywhere!  But also, right to the back door, in many cases, of numerous dwarven Holds.  But Dwarves are tough, right?  That shouldn't be a problem.  Unfortunately, and I'm vague here, the Skaven developed some sort of very powerful machine using Warpstone (Chaos rock) that I guess was supposed to let them take over the world.  It malfunctioned.  And blew the doors off that particular Skaven territory.  Unfortunately, it also really damaged a lot of dwarven structures, and killed lots of dwarves.  So when the Skaven actually started showing up at the doorsteps of the Dwarfs, the Dwarfs were not always capable of beating them back.  As a bonus, the damage wrought by this machine caused the Greenskin races from the SE Badlands to migrate towards the Dwarves and Humans.  So they started fighting the dwarves at the same time, occasionally simultaneously with the Skaven!  Not as buds, I might mention.

So the Elves were trashed by daemons, civil war, and the dwarves, and the dwarves were trashed by elves, Skaven and Greenskins.  Greenskin history coming up next.

[FlickJax]

Loving this....

[Gusington]

I am giddy with something or other.

[JasonPratt]

When do we get to the f'd up weirdo creatures that trouble me so?

I'm pretty sure we passed those already with the Wood Elf hash-in: those are meldings of elf and nature-spirit. Except altered for the Hopelessly Fatal Spiral War of Doomy Doom.

Indeed, that is true!  Gus, I plan to review dlc in depth at the end of this.  Just trying to set the piece right now.

Incidentally, I have a nod at this in my second season of "Survive Harder!", when the Amazons are trying to figure out what's up with the treants that the halflings use on the front line.

[Nefaro]

Freyland shud git lotsa teefz fer dis.   :D

[Nefaro]

The Wood Elves do look interesting for the campaign style of play ..

(still want Skaven ASAP)

[Sir Slash]

Is that because they have.... wood? Tee-Hee. Tee-Hee.  Sorry. My 8 Year-Old Self took over there.

[bob48]

 :hide:

[Nefaro]

Is that because they have.... wood? Tee-Hee. Tee-Hee.  Sorry. My 8 Year-Old Self took over there.

You wood have to do that, woodn't you?