Canine accountability measures

[solops]

My dog is both ruthless and deft in her management of our family. I propose that all dogs be equipped, at government expense, with a floating holographic counter positioned above the dog's head that automatically keeps count of how many treats the dog has had that day.

[Jarhead0331]

I'm convinced my wife is having an affair with my dog.

Private investigator's log, entry 3, day 6
Client: Jarhead0331
Case file no. : K-9
On August 10, 2024, client contacted PI to commence surveillance of wife,  one Mrs. Jarhead0331,  who was suspected of engaging in extramarital activities with pet coon hound by the name of Dexter Wolfgang Chicken.  Client supplied evidence of long walks with prolonged absence from family property,  excessive licking and inappropriate and unusual humping in presence of client. On day 6 of investigation,  contact was made with suspects and compromising photographs were obtained.

[Gusington]

My dog is 9.5 years old, 115 pounds and definitely uses less than 5% of his walnut-sized brain 🧠

[undercovergeek]

My dog is 9.5 years old, 115 pounds and definitely uses less than 5% of his walnut-sized brain 🧠

Mine is a crafty manipulative asshole who at her best can drive you mental

But I wouldn't have her any other way

[Sir Slash]

Because of their organizational skills, dogs could easily rule the world if it weren't for noisy Garbage Trucks that drive by on the street. 

[acctingman]

My dog is 9.5 years old, 115 pounds and definitely uses less than 5% of his walnut-sized brain 🧠

I bet your wife says the same about your brain 

[Tripoli]

Here's mine:


Yorkies are a great dog.  They were breed as a working dog (they are ratters.  see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYNUr08MVdQ), so they are smart and independent.  Henry is more than happy to let you know when you aren't living up to his expectations

[Sir Slash]

What a cutie Trip! Henry could chew holes in my socks anytime.

[Tripoli]

What a cutie Trip! Henry could chew holes in my socks anytime.

Henry is a good dog.  He definitely has the cuteness thing going.  Speaking of dogs, I just saw this meme, and I thought it was too good not to share:

[Sir Slash]

At least dogs aren't good liars like cats are. Try asking your cat if he's the one that stole the pork chop off your plate when you weren't looking.

[Gusington]

My dog steals everything, even at his advanced age. What a dick. But he's our dick.

He's going through minor separation anxiety right now with our oldest daughter off to college.

[undercovergeek]

My dog steals everything, even at his advanced age. What a dick. But he's our dick.

He's going through minor separation anxiety right now with our oldest daughter off to college.

Yup, mines a thief but a clever one - she'll steal something she doesn't really want to initiate a chase round the house and whilst you retrieve the stolen item and you're away from her true target she'll beat you back to the remote controls and set off with the tv or sky remote

[Gusington]

^My dog, with his walnut-sized brain (that he uses 5% of, 5% of the time)...wishes he was that clever.

[W8taminute]

A couple of weeks ago my doggie needed to go outside to pee.  He always scratches the front door to try to signal us he needs to be let out. 

I went out with him.  He was leashed.  It was around 20:30.  Didn't make it past my front steps when I heard barking from across the street.  The neighbor from down the way was out walking her two dogs.  When they saw my dog and me coming outside they started barking which in turn set off my dog to barking.  The woman, unable to restrain her two dogs let go of them both and they charged full bore towards my front steps.  It all happened so fast I don't know how I was simultaneously able to kick one of the dogs that latched onto my dogs back about to bite his neck and push my dog back into our house.  All the while I was screaming my best war cry ever.  I don't care if the neighborhood thought I was a lunatic but I was fully ready to crush the enemy dogs skull with my foot.  Thankfully I didn't have to do that as while I was in mid kick the attacker jumped off of my dog and ran back across the street towards it's master.  The second dog followed suit.  Maybe it was my wild cry, maybe they saw my counter attack, or maybe it was divine intervention. 

Either way I didn't see the neighbor again until a few days ago.  No words were exchanged, she just smiled and waved hello in attempt at unvocalized body language to say, "we cool bro?"  I just waved back and kept on going.

We cool, lady, just don't be walking your dogs near my house again when I'm trying to take my dog out for a quick pee. 

Canine accountability measures?

[Jarhead0331]

Interesting timing on this...

We have a medium sized coon hound who is as friendly and dopey as they come. He will defend the home, but outside of the home, he just wants to play and frolic. He is great with people and most importantly, great with kids. Everyone in the neighborhood knows him and we feel that most everybody loves him too.

Sometimes, my wife will let him out to make on his own if her hands are full with the kids or the timing is really inconvenient. I've told her not to do this repeatedly and its sort of an ongoing issue that pisses me off. Some of our neighbors get frantic when they see him out on the loose because they think he got out without us knowing and so they go out of their way to bring him back and I feel bad because then we have to play dumb.

In any event, we recently learned that one of our neighbors was really pissed about it, but rather than confronting us like an adult, she was texting our other neighbors and asking them to take pictures of him out on the loose so she can report him to animal control. Sure enough, the other night around 6:00 pm, we got a call from animal control that they received a call and they brought him in. They close at 6:00, so it was too late for us to go and get him. He had to spend the night and it was a sleepless one for us. We got him the next morning.

In any event, we're trying to figure out how to handle it with the neighbor that does not involve gasoline, a match and her house. I know we have a lot of the responsibility on this one, but animal control? Really? She literally never complained to us or gave us a warning, or anything...she just tried to rally the neighbors against us and then went straight to animal control.

Thoughts?