Consolidated Thread of All Things Joke-like :)

[mirth]

What's Irish and stays out all night?

Paddy O'Furniture

[Marty Ward]

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a
tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside.

As he passes thru the swingin' doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar :

COLD BEER : $2.00

HAMBURGER : $2.25

CHEESEBURGER : $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50

HAND JOB : $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker
walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female
bartender serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers..

She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.

'Yes?' she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, 'may I help you?'


The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers,
"are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, Yes, I sure
am".

The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well,
wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger."

[bayonetbrant]

posted by Bayonet_Chris on Facebook a little while ago

Three statisticians go duck hunting. The first one sees a duck and fires way far left, the second one fires way far right, and the third one jumps up and yells "We got it!"

[Centurion40]

posted by Bayonet_Chris on Facebook a little while ago

Three statisticians go duck hunting. The first one sees a duck and fires way far left, the second one fires way far right, and the third one jumps up and yells "We got it!"

That's a thing of beauty.

[LongBlade]

A policeman pulls over a driver and says, "Sir, your breath smells. Have you been drinking?"

The man replies, "Officer, your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating donuts?"

[GroggyGrognard]

Read this on the BGG forum:

How many wargamers does it take to change a light bulb?

VI:D.: LIGHT BULB CHANGES: i. Wargamers may only attempt Light Bulb Changes (LBC) during the Refit Phase of any turn.
i.1.: Only light armour, light artillery, light cavalry and light infantry may attempt an LBC.
i.1.a: Hoplites may ONLY attempt an LBC if light armour.
i.1.b.: Demoralized wargamers may ONLY attempt an LBC if stacked with a leader.
i.1.b.I.: Routed wargamers are not permitted to attempt LBC's.
i.1.c.: Wargamers in a square may not attempt an LBC.

ii.Supply: Wargamers that meet the requirements of VI.D.i. may attempt a Light Bulb Change if they also meet the following Supply conditions:
ii. 1.: They are currently stacked in a hex with a Light Bulb (LB); OR,
they are within three hexes of a magazine.
ii. 2.: They are currently in the ZOC of an LB emplacement.
EXCEPTION: LBC's may NOT be attempted if the LB is currently at full strength.

iii. Procedure: 1.: Add the total current combat strength of each wargamer in the stack.
iii. 1.a.: Stragglers may be added to the total, but ONLY if the stacking limits are obeyed.
iii. 2.: Compare the wargamers' attack strength with the defence strength of the LB on the LBC matrix.
iii. 3.: Roll one die, adding the value from the LBC matrix (and any other applicable DRM's), and consult the CRT.

iv.: Apply the results of the LBC immediately.
EXCEPTION: The effects of the LBC will not apply in situations where all LB emplacements are under a Power Outage mandate (see X. N. viii).

v. If the LBC was a failure, all wargamers involved in the LBC attempt must do a morale check after the LBC has been resolved.

[mirth]

^I can't wait until the errata is published!

[LongBlade]

Read this on the BGG forum:

How many wargamers does it take to change a light bulb?

VI:D.: LIGHT BULB CHANGES: i. Wargamers may only attempt Light Bulb Changes (LBC) during the Refit Phase of any turn.
i.1.: Only light armour, light artillery, light cavalry and light infantry may attempt an LBC.
i.1.a: Hoplites may ONLY attempt an LBC if light armour.
i.1.b.: Demoralized wargamers may ONLY attempt an LBC if stacked with a leader.
i.1.b.I.: Routed wargamers are not permitted to attempt LBC's.
i.1.c.: Wargamers in a square may not attempt an LBC.

ii.Supply: Wargamers that meet the requirements of VI.D.i. may attempt a Light Bulb Change if they also meet the following Supply conditions:
ii. 1.: They are currently stacked in a hex with a Light Bulb (LB); OR,
they are within three hexes of a magazine.
ii. 2.: They are currently in the ZOC of an LB emplacement.
EXCEPTION: LBC's may NOT be attempted if the LB is currently at full strength.

iii. Procedure: 1.: Add the total current combat strength of each wargamer in the stack.
iii. 1.a.: Stragglers may be added to the total, but ONLY if the stacking limits are obeyed.
iii. 2.: Compare the wargamers' attack strength with the defence strength of the LB on the LBC matrix.
iii. 3.: Roll one die, adding the value from the LBC matrix (and any other applicable DRM's), and consult the CRT.

iv.: Apply the results of the LBC immediately.
EXCEPTION: The effects of the LBC will not apply in situations where all LB emplacements are under a Power Outage mandate (see X. N. viii).

v. If the LBC was a failure, all wargamers involved in the LBC attempt must do a morale check after the LBC has been resolved.

That's great!

[Staggerwing]

EXCEPTION: LBC's may NOT be attempted if the LB is currently at full strength.

Drat! No overstrength LBs to stomp all over the little bitty greenglow thingie units. Looks like I'll have to start researching Arc-Light technology.

[Windigo]

[meadbelly]

Did you hear about the two antennae getting married?

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was to die for.



(this is the part where I apologize  :D )

[W8taminute]

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a
tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside.

As he passes thru the swingin' doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar :

COLD BEER : $2.00

HAMBURGER : $2.25

CHEESEBURGER : $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50

HAND JOB : $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker
walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female
bartender serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers..

She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.

'Yes?' she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, 'may I help you?'


The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers,
"are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, Yes, I sure
am".

The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well,
wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger."

Classic!  I bet when this is told out loud a lot of laughs can be had if the punch line is delivered properly.

[GroggyGrognard]

What did the tired chess player do?



He took the knight off.

[Barthheart]

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?




Wiped his ass.....

[bayonetbrant]

Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked.
'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?'