Consolidated Thread of All Things Joke-like :)

[bob48]

Wife to husband;

'Darling - take off my dress......now my bra.......now my panties.....Now, never let me catch you wearing my clothes again'

[Windigo]

What did the Orca say to the Giant Squid?

If you don't take your tentacles off me, I am going to whale on you.

[bob48]

What did Big Ben say to the Leaning Tower of Pisa?

'I've got the time if you've got the inclination'

[Windigo]

What did Big Ben say to the Leaning Tower of Pisa?

'I've got the time if you've got the inclination'

baa haa haa... that is such a brit joke

[undercovergeek]

What did Big Ben say to the Leaning Tower of Pisa?

'I've got the time if you've got the inclination'

Bob..... Get out!

[bob48]

lol

[bayonetbrant]

Once, Death came for Chuck Norris. Later, Death limped back to Hell carrying pieces of a broken scythe. Now Death wears that hooded cloak to hide the bruises.

[Windigo]

[W8taminute]

^Awesome

[bayonetbrant]

h/t Chris over on FB

I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been lucky not to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the various social sessions over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and then topped it off with a margarita. Not a good idea.

Knowing full well I was at least slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a taxi home.

Sure enough I passed a police road block but because it was a taxi, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise.

I have never driven a taxi before and am not sure where I got it.

[LongBlade]

h/t Chris over on FB

I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been lucky not to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the various social sessions over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and then topped it off with a margarita. Not a good idea.

Knowing full well I was at least slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a taxi home.

Sure enough I passed a police road block but because it was a taxi, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise.

I have never driven a taxi before and am not sure where I got it.

<chuckle>

Nice.

[bayonetbrant]

Seen on Facebook

So...I'm at Wal-Mart buying a bag of Purina dog food for my dogs. While at the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT??? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awoke in the intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and got hit by a car. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

[bayonetbrant]

Q: How does Good King Wenceslaus like his pizza?

A: Deep pan, crisp and even

[TheCommandTent]

Q: How does Good King Wenceslaus like his pizza?

A: Deep pan, crisp and even

That is horrible Brant, even for you  :P

[LongBlade]

I have been trying to pretend I didn't see that.

For his sake.