Just Can't Fix Stupid

[BanzaiCat]

Now you have me thinking of that Monty Python sketch with the constable hearing something from far off and running and running in a rather long scene to get to the next sketch, and I for the life of me can't find a clip of it. I thought it was 'The Chemist Sketch' but it's not.  :-\

[bayonetbrant]

stories about crazy patients

Not a doctor, but work in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit. One night we were called to Labor and delivery for a preterm delivery. NotAMom called 911 because her stomach hurt a lot and she thought she was dying. At the hospital ER it was confirmed she was pregnant and in labor. The whole time we were there she kept saying she was dying and why wouldn't we help her. OB key telling her she was in labor and to push each time she felt pain. She kept yelling "It's just gas! I've had gas for a while, but it won't come out because I'm dying!" Fast-forward to baby coming out. OB hands the baby to the nurse who then shows NotAMom her baby. NotAMom says "That's not mine! I have gas!" Nurse places the baby on her chest and says "Well, here's your gas. It's a boy."

ER doctor here. I had a patient insist she had a fever once and when I pointed out that our thermometer did not record a fever she told me "I'm not sure they taught you this in medical school but when Asians get a fever their temperature doesn't go up."

My mom took my sister and me to the doctor when we were kids because we had weird bumps all over the back of our tongues. We were diagnosed with tastebuds.

[bayonetbrant]

[JasonPratt]

In today's world, that last statement could actually mean something as a counter-cultural reactionary statement.

Meanwhile, the Democratic shut-down-the-major-highway riots have run to their inevitable conclusion. A small group of white people, trying to convince people at this late date to "Dump Trump", got smacked by a truck while barely shutting down a major freeway in Seattle.

http://theseattletribune.com/6-dead-after-truck-collides-with-anti-trump-protesters-on-freeway/


I feel reasonably sure drugs were involved at some point(s) in the life choices affecting these people... Emphases mine.

After dealing with angry motorist for about 5-minutes, the group of protesters moved aside to allow the backed-up vehicles to resume their commute. Once a steady-flow of traffic resumed, the group of protesters once again linked arms to create a barricade for a second time.

It was at this time [around 5:15 pm in a northern winter city, so practically sunset when these morons decided to shut down freeway commuter traffic] when Richard L. Porter, a 32-year-old Seattle resident employed by Waldrum Brother's (a local appliance store) as a delivery driver quickly approached the chain of Anti-Trump protesters. According to Porter, he was driving with the current flow of traffic (around 80-MPH) when the obstruction created by the protesters seemed to appear out of nowhere.

6 protestors died, having been oppressed by the unfair advantages of physics in negating their safe space for expressing their emotional needs.

...wait, you think I'm being sarcastic about them blaming someone else for the fatal accident?

Porter claims that the incident was a devastating accident and that he did everything possible to avoid hitting the protesters, however, many of the surviving protesters see things differently. The remaining group of protesters have told reporters that they believe Porter intentionally ran over them with his vehicle because he disagreed with their political beliefs.

No. No, I only wish I was being sarcastic. Does it matter to them that the driver is a Democrat who voted for Clinton? Nope.

Possibly to be crossposted in last year's election thread.

[Sir Slash]

And his truck was carrying baskets to put 'Deplorables' in.

[JasonPratt]

And his truck was carrying baskets to put 'Deplorables' in.

Here in the south we call them "chairs".

[Sir Slash]

"Chairs"? That what we say to each other on New Year's Eve when we toast each other. 

[Ubercat]

6 protestors died, having been oppressed by the unfair advantages of physics in negating their safe space for expressing their emotional needs.

[bayonetbrant]

6 stupid foods from TV shows, recreated at taste-tested

http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-crazy-sandwiches-from-tv-shows-taste-tested21/

[JasonPratt]

6 protestors died, having been oppressed by the unfair advantages of physics in negating their safe space for expressing their emotional needs.

To be fair, that turned out to be fake news.

Would have worked great in a satire site!

[bayonetbrant]

from an article on wacky sex-ed stories

When I was in sex ed many years ago, all the guys got to write questions for the girls on paper notes and vice versa. One of the guys wrote: "What is the largest thing you could fit inside of you?" One of the girls answered: "an infant." Preach.

[bayonetbrant]

and another

Our school's gym teacher was missing her left hand at the wrist. It was a birth defect, she's done some pretty cool things despite it.

In the 9th grade, we had her for the sex ed unit of phys ed. During her lesson, she was doing a bit about contraception. She was talking about different methods, then she got to condoms.

Someone asked "what happens if a guy is too big to use a condom?"

She took one, unwrapped it, applied it over her left wrist and rolled it all the way down her damn arm. Then said something along the lines of "and most of you boys think you need magnums?"

[Windigo]

I had eggs benedict for brunch... two days in a row, being over 50 - how stupid is that eh?

And no.... I don't plan on fixing it. Sometimes stupid is delicious.

[Bison]

I had eggs benedict for brunch... two days in a row, being over 50 - how stupid is that eh?

And no.... I don't plan on fixing it. Sometimes stupid is delicious.

I don't see an issue with this at all. 

[BanzaiCat]