Always try to look at the bright side...

[BanzaiCat]

Very sorry for your loss, JH...my condolences.

Those kinds of memories are the best, though, as they are fond.

[bbmike]

Very sorry to hear that, Jarhead. I lost both of my parents last year and things will never be the same. My thoughts are with you.

[Jarhead0331]

This is a fairly new wiki entry about the 1956 plane crash that took the lives of my father's family. I have not seen it before. Gives some more insight, for anyone interested.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linea_Aeropostal_Venezolana_Flight_253_(June_1956)

It is fascinating stuff and having a personal connection to this tragedy is pretty intense. I can't help but imagine what my 30 year old grand parents and their two children, son Martin, aged 5 and daughter Lynne, aged 4, must have been thinking. I wonder how my father's life, and consequently, my own, might have been different had they not perished that night...

[Yskonyn]

Thanks for your personal and candid story JH. My condolences.
Its interesting to think about who we are and what steps fate took to make it so.

My father is still around (for a long while more I hope) and he's been diagnosed with Asperger's a few years back. Nowadays we have all kinds of labels for disorders, but when he was little those kids were usually just marked as being 'difficult' by their family.
As a result of his condition, I, as a child, always lay low. Because I was taught (not directly of course) from a young age that triggering my dad usually resulted in grief. He never lay a hand on me, but I definately felt the psychological strain he could enforce.
But as a child it just was normal. It was who my dad was and it was how the relation was between my parents.
Only when I became older I began to understand my home situation wasn't normal at all. And it has, for better or worse, molded me into the man I am today.
Reflection makes me value my mother even more, because if it wasn't for her dedication I might have very well been someone else entirely. She always had to defend the family values and the morality of raising a kid.
As a sidenote, me having no siblings is a direct result of my father's condition; my mother was up to the task of raising me, but she couldn't spare any energy to also raise others.

Thanks JH! Good brovibes going on here getting to know the fellow Grogs some more.

[Tripoli]

Jarhead-My condolences for your loss.

[Jarhead0331]

Reflection makes me value my mother even more, because if it wasn't for her dedication I might have very well been someone else entirely. She always had to defend the family values and the morality of raising a kid.
As a sidenote, me having no siblings is a direct result of my father's condition; my mother was up to the task of raising me, but she couldn't spare any energy to also raise others.

Thanks JH! Good brovibes going on here getting to know the fellow Grogs some more.

This is an important point and makes me reflect on my relationship with my mother and my feelings for her. She presses my buttons, usually inadvertently, and it has caused me to drift apart from her over the years. She wants to be closer and more involved in my life, but I keep her away and really limit my relationship to one mostly involving my daughter, who she loves more than anything in the world. Sometimes, I'm too impatient and harsh with her...this is going to have to change. I recognize that she put up with a lot of crap with my father and really held the family together, sounds like your mom did the same. Were it not for my mother, my dad would have died a long time ago, after suffering much more greatly than he actually did.

My brother and I really need to pull together to better care of her now. She will need us now more than ever and we owe her.

[FlickJax]

Reflection makes me value my mother even more, because if it wasn't for her dedication I might have very well been someone else entirely. She always had to defend the family values and the morality of raising a kid.
As a sidenote, me having no siblings is a direct result of my father's condition; my mother was up to the task of raising me, but she couldn't spare any energy to also raise others.

Thanks JH! Good brovibes going on here getting to know the fellow Grogs some more.

This is an important point and makes me reflect on my relationship with my mother and my feelings for her. She presses my buttons, usually inadvertently, and it has caused me to drift apart from her over the years. She wants to be closer and more involved in my life, but I keep her away and really limit my relationship to one mostly involving my daughter, who she loves more than anything in the world. Sometimes, I'm too impatient and harsh with her...this is going to have to change. I recognize that she put up with a lot of crap with my father and really held the family together, sounds like your mom did the same. Were it not for my mother, my dad would have died a long time ago, after suffering much more greatly than he actually did.

My brother and I really need to pull together to better care of her now. She will need us now more than ever and we owe her.

We all owe our mothers so much I think....

[Sir Slash]

My personal story, my Mom died in 1976 of a heart attack following open-heart surgery. My Father was devastated and became very angry at the whole world. I was 20 at the time and no one could console him as he had always thought he would die first and blamed himself, the doctors, everyone. He was so angry I eventually had to move out on my own which hurt him even worse.

Sometime later he met my Stepmother and when they began to date I thought he must've lost his mind-- dating at almost 60?  :o  And I didn't like her or her asinine children and family. She was NOT Mom! Later though I began to see she made him happy again, he was smiling again. And laughing again. So I decided to just stow my feelings and accept it.

After they married, me and my stepmom became closer and I realized the problem I had with her was ME, not her. After I got over that, she became like a second Mother to me and she and my Father had many good years together. She died  a couple of years ago and I still can't stand her asinine kids, but thank God she came into our lives. She saved and gave us back my Father.

[jamus34]

My condolences JH.

I'm not a religious man but I consider myself blessed for having 2 relatively healthy parents and having good relationships with them even if I only get to see them once or twice a year.

All thoughts to you and your family as you go through this difficult time.

[JasonPratt]

Thanks, JH, that was indeed amazing information (albeit horrifically so). 

Praying for your father's peace (along with Airboy), meanwhile; and for you and your family, too.

[Phantom]

I sympathise with you JH. Losing a parent is a great wrench. I lost my dad when I was just 15. Its silly but I still can't think about losing him without getting upset and I'm 59 - but I don't think that's typical. My mum also died a couple of years ago but she had had a full & happy life & I'd had a lot more of it with her so somehow after the initial shock it was just a lot easier to deal with.
Time is a great healer, and if you have good memories of your dad, over time its those that you will remember, rather than him just not being there.
Oh, and B-17 was a GREAT game!
Regards
Keith

[SirAndrewD]

Very sorry for your loss JH.  As you well know I lost my father earlier this year as well. 

I wish I didn't know how you're feeling, but I do.  It'll get better but never easy.

[FarAway Sooner]

JarHead, I'll add my voice to the chorus of well-wishers extending their condolences here.  It sounds like your journey with your dad was problematic, but I think that's far more common than most of us realize.

I was very close to my dad, but said farewell to him almost 15 years ago, four months before I was married.  One of the biggest sadnesses in my life is that he never got a chance to know his youngest grandson, who bears his name.  His mom died of tuberculosis when he was 10, and his dad died of cancer when he was 12.  He was mostly raised by older sisters throughout the Great Depression.  He was blessed with an easy disposition, but that experience molded him in ways that I'll never be able to fully understand.

I bid farewell to my mother 4 years ago, and the family torch has now been passed to me and my siblings.  Concentrate on grieving for your father's loss right now, but after a little bit of time, I'd encourage you to reach out to your mother on her terms.  Now that your dad has passed, she may have more left in her emotional gas tank for her children going forward.

If you've got your second kiddo on the way, your life will be immensely full for the foreseeable future.  Try to make space for you and your mom in it, though.  My children were 5 and 2 when my mom passed, and while we'd grown closer in her last year, when I was her primary family caregiver, I regret that our last few years together were spent almost entirely in the company of my own children.

She LOVED her grandkids, and she loved being around them, but the tensions of a grandparent who has their own views on how I and my wife parented could not be ignored.  Time for the two of you to talk about things besides your kids is important if you hope to mend those fences.

Peace my brother, from the whole Grogheads family.  The whole point of life is to grow the soul.  I wish you and your mom Godspeed on that journey in the days ahead.

[Gusington]

^'Grow the soul'...well put.

[Jarhead0331]

Good advice from all and thanks to everyone for all of the thoughtful comments and support so far. It reminds me that losing a parent is something most of us will go through, and although there are many different ways in which our grief is expressed and felt, it is all a normal part of the healing process.