Total War: Warhammer

[undercovergeek]

^"But you are kinda weird".  ??? The committee was out for awhile on this one, but entirely decided it was positive feedback since it means someone at least noticed.  :bd:

Regarding the dlc, are you much familiar with the Warhammer Lore? I can't remember from earlier in this thread. If I can answer questions, i will try.

Iirc gus is new to ye olde warhammer

[FlickJax]

^"But you are kinda weird".  ??? The committee was out for awhile on this one, but entirely decided it was positive feedback since it means someone at least noticed.  :bd:

Regarding the dlc, are you much familiar with the Warhammer Lore? I can't remember from earlier in this thread. If I can answer questions, i will try.

Iirc gus is new to ye olde warhammer

Which is weird in istelf :)

[Gusington]

^All true.

I suppose my unfamiliarity with some of the lore is making me take a step back and just say to myself 'wtf.'

[Freyland]

^All true.

I suppose my unfamiliarity with some of the lore is making me take a step back and just say to myself 'wtf.'

Alright, lets see what we can do here.  A millennia ago, a powerful race known as the "Old Ones" came from somewhere (my presiding theory is, "The Nursing Home") and arrived in the not yet financially exploited world of Warhammer.  They created two Portals, one at either Pole, to allow their comings and goings, as well as provide more opportunities to wonder why the hell they did they just come into this room.  They wiped away, or at least Trumpified the foul denizens previously present, and created several races to their likings.  The Lizard Men were closest to the Old Ones, and developed to be most capable in sharing their magics and cashing their SS checks.  The Elves (High Elves only at the moment) were also born, and they too were heavily in tune with the '70's beat so popular at the time, and so great were they with magic.  Their race became less involved directly with the Old Ones, and went on to use their magic to become fairly arrogant hippies.  The Dwarves were created as a sturdy, enduring race to appreciate the finer aspects of dirt, to which they quickly excelled.  The Earliest Elves and Dwarves went on to become Gods in their respective Pantheons, whereas the Slaan (Lizard Men) continued to be Holy Diaper Changers.  Lastly, there was Man.  It is really unclear to me why Man was created, as they had no special or lasting, defining characteristics like the previously three races, and may have just come about for Shits and Giggles.  Needless to say, Man developed his time of glory much later than the other three races.  Let us not forget the Greenskins, Orcs and goblins and related critters, that are much like incredibly violent carpet beetle larvae that somehow managed to sneak into your furniture when you weren't looking.  No idea how they came about.  They develop from spores that are constantly shed from other Orcs, especially upon death.  They live only to fight.  They complicate the lives of Man and Dwarf, pretty much all the time.

Thus concludes your intro.  More coming up late today, have to go back to saving lives and stamping out disease now.

[Gusington]

Saving lives and stamping out disease are poor substitutes for my WH education!

[JasonPratt]

Don't worry, Gus, soon everything will be going To hell in Freyland's recount.  >:D

[Gusington]

Is that good or bad?

[Freyland]

It's the defining reason why it's called Warhammer, and not "Group-Hug-hammer".

[Gusington]

Does Group Hug Hammer have turtles?

[Nefaro]

Does Group Hug Hammer have turtles?

If it did, they'd be Man-Eating Turtles who summon daemons and live somewhere stinky.

[Freyland]

Does Group Hug Hammer have turtles?

If it did, they'd be Man-Eating Turtles who summon daemons and live somewhere stinky.

QFT!

Now, where were we?  Okay, keep in mind this next "transitional" bit occurs over several thousand years.
The Elves continue to be Magic Hippies, and have explored some of the Old World (our main venue) and have even made a large number of coastal and semi-coastal settlements.  Some of these Elf Hippies took that definition to the Extreme, and joined some Ancient Woodland Spirits in an eternal hash-bash (Wood Elves, Athel Loren is where they primarily hang).
The Dwarves continue to excel at moving earth and crafting magical shit, although they otherwise fail to acquire any sort of Magical essence.  And they mined. And mined. And mined. Andminedandminedandminedandmined... Seem extreme? Well, it's not, so here's another "And mined", just for you.  You see, in addition to to travelling Northward and making all sorts of Strongholds in all the mountain areas, the productive little buggers also insisted on mining large paths all over the Old World underground.  This is largely how they travelled.  This is important for the game, as you will find that dwarves and Greenskins (and soon someone else) can use these paths for faster, sometimes safer travel.  Anyways, Rich, numerous, skilled craftsmen, often grumpy regardless.  In fact, they keep an actual list of "Grudges" in a very important book, and all these grudges need to be avenged at some time.  They even have a grudge against a particular mountain, if that gives you any insight.  TWW does utilize this as a stimulus in the Dwarven campaign.
The Humans basically keep doing what primitive tribes do, living in the lands that were not Deep Woods, Mountains, or Badlands so they don't get pincushioned, crushed, or eviscerated by anyone but themselves.

This was not to last forever.

For reasons unknown, The Old Ones either died or fled in their wheelchairs from the world.  As they did so, the Portals at each pole collapsed, and exposed the world to dimension of the Ruinous Powers, the Chaos Gods.  On the bright side, this really seemed to improve access to magic, and as it turns out, all magic actually comes from this dimension.  Party tricks were never so easy!  On the downside, Chaos is, by definition, unpleasant.  "Unpleasant" arrived in the form of endless armies of foul demons that wanted nothing more than to eat your face and take your soul.  Oh, and all that cool magical energy?  Well, in it's raw and overpowering state, it started mutating everything and destroying the land.  This delightful process appears to be the origin story for the Beastmen faction, which I will go into several entries later.  Basically take one man, add mammalian livestock of your choice, mix thoroughly with excessive Chaos Energy.  You're not going to win first prize at the County Fair for aesthetics, but what you cooked up will happily eat the judges.

Overall, this went poorly for the world.  Nobody was really capable of stopping an unending army of demons.  The dwarves were somewhat better off since they stayed underground, but still were losing Holds one after another.  Then the Elves got the idea to make essentially a giant magical lightening rod, which both sucked in excess magical energy as well as mostly shut the portals.  Mostly. So, now it was time to rebuild, increase your populations and get everything back to the way it was, Right?

Um, no.

To be continued

[Nefaro]

Now, where were we?  Okay, keep in mind this next "transitional" bit occurs over several thousand years.
The Elves continue to be Magic Hippies, and have explored some of the Old World (our main venue) and have even made a large number of coastal and semi-coastal settlements.  Some of these Elf Hippies took that definition to the Extreme, and joined some Ancient Woodland Spirits in an eternal hash-bash (Wood Elves, Athel Loren is where they primarily hang).
The Dwarves continue to excel at moving earth and crafting magical shit, although they otherwise fail to acquire any sort of Magical essence.  And they mined. And mined. And mined. Andminedandminedandminedandmined... Seem extreme? Well, it's not, so here's another "And mined", just for you.  You see, in addition to to travelling Northward and making all sorts of Strongholds in all the mountain areas, the productive little buggers also insisted on mining large paths all over the Old World underground.  This is largely how they travelled.  This is important for the game, as you will find that dwarves and Greenskins (and soon someone else) can use these paths for faster, sometimes safer travel.  Anyways, Rich, numerous, skilled craftsmen, often grumpy regardless.  In fact, they keep an actual list of "Grudges" in a very important book, and all these grudges need to be avenged at some time.  They even have a grudge against a particular mountain, if that gives you any insight.  TWW does utilize this as a stimulus in the Dwarven campaign.
The Humans basically keep doing what primitive tribes do, living in the lands that were not Deep Woods, Mountains, or Badlands so they don't get pincushioned, crushed, or eviscerated by anyone but themselves.

This was not to last forever.

For reasons unknown, The Old Ones either died or fled in their wheelchairs from the world.  As they did so, the Portals at each pole collapsed, and exposed the world to dimension of the Ruinous Powers, the Chaos Gods.  On the bright side, this really seemed to improve access to magic, and as it turns out, all magic actually comes from this dimension.  Party tricks were never so easy!  On the downside, Chaos is, by definition, unpleasant.  "Unpleasant" arrived in the form of endless armies of foul demons that wanted nothing more than to eat your face and take your soul.  Oh, and all that cool magical energy?  Well, in it's raw and overpowering state, it started mutating everything and destroying the land.  This delightful process appears to be the origin story for the Beastmen faction, which I will go into several entries later.  Basically take one man, add mammalian livestock of your choice, mix thoroughly with excessive Chaos Energy.  You're not going to win first prize at the County Fair for aesthetics, but what you cooked up will happily eat the judges.

Overall, this went poorly for the world.  Nobody was really capable of stopping an unending army of demons.  The dwarves were somewhat better off since they stayed underground, but still were losing Holds one after another.  Then the Elves got the idea to make essentially a giant magical lightening rod, which both sucked in excess magical energy as well as mostly shut the portals.  Mostly. So, now it was time to rebuild, increase your populations and get everything back to the way it was, Right?

Um, no.

To be continued

LOL

I give Freyland's Distilled History of The Old World five thumbs up. 

:bd:
:bd:
O0

Moar!

[Gusington]

When do we get to the f'd up weirdo creatures that trouble me so?

[bob48]

^Oh, I dunno - 'geek's ok when you get used to him.

[Gusington]

Not that kind of f'd up weirdo. You know, the other kinds.